tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post2468412139348315749..comments2023-06-16T08:01:04.540-05:00Comments on Alex's Adventures: I need a better responseAlexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07524692943966582775noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-18077917224547847592011-03-30T10:14:53.617-05:002011-03-30T10:14:53.617-05:00People really need to think about what they are sa...People really need to think about what they are saying before they say it. I understand your want for a "better" response, but I think your response was just fine. It was honest and real. I have inadvertently given a few people some "wake up call" responses myself in the past few months.marehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00076679068263782380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-67635843344734147142011-03-29T13:13:10.533-05:002011-03-29T13:13:10.533-05:00Yes, being told how tough it is to have a child is...Yes, being told how tough it is to have a child is great, when you're struggling so hard with getting there in the first place... I'm afraid of those conversations too. No advice though... Hang in there. I'm hoping so very much that this will work out for you, and that you get to discover next year how hard it is to have an actual life baby at home :)conceptionally challengednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-44458469270044180182011-03-29T12:58:42.784-05:002011-03-29T12:58:42.784-05:00So glad to hear everything is going so well!
I'...So glad to hear everything is going so well!<br />I'm sorry but she should have known better. She deserved to hear whatever you had to say to her!Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14827590692827778824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-43871089036127253092011-03-28T16:51:23.337-05:002011-03-28T16:51:23.337-05:00Hang in there Alex!
I know what you mean - well I...Hang in there Alex! <br />I know what you mean - well I think I do anyway - sometimes you don't want to tell people all of the details, but you don't want to listen to them not understanding you. It's awkward. I wish I had a solution - for all of us. <br />I'm really hoping this baby sticks around!Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00488340804230835718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-82077702232012079412011-03-28T15:12:22.329-05:002011-03-28T15:12:22.329-05:00I think your response was absolutely valid! I have...I think your response was absolutely valid! I have totally broken down in tears unexpectedly when the topic of pregnancy/miscarriage comes up. But I hear you that you want to have something planned to say when you don't want to make yourself vulnerable. Also, anyone who tells you that kids are hard work deserves a punch in throat. <br /><br />Wishing you all the best with this pregnancy!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-6605242580302078442011-03-28T12:47:15.361-05:002011-03-28T12:47:15.361-05:00Oh, I'm sorry situations like this happen, whe...Oh, I'm sorry situations like this happen, when people say insensitive things. I think she needed to hear what you said, and what you said was a perfectly fine option for responding to the stupid things friends sometimes say. I hope you never have to field those statements or questions again, but it sounds like you have some ideas for how to be prepared for them if they come up again.jill's infertility documenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08289851786334836156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-8691010087264760532011-03-28T12:26:59.546-05:002011-03-28T12:26:59.546-05:00Well, she did ask you how you were feeling, and sh...Well, she did ask you how you were feeling, and she did start talking about kids, and like it's a given you're going to end up with a child every time you get a BFP. To top it off, it sounded to me like she was trying to tell you that having kids is not so grand, and that even if you don't make it, you shouldn't be in pain, because after all: "kids are hard work".<br /><br />I think your response was valid under that circumstance. I'm not sure exactly what's troubling you here. My opinion is that you shouldn't have to hide the fact that you're too scared to even think about being happy, based on your prior experiences.Nessa Lomivahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03275449787135464816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-24018512035467001202011-03-27T11:45:57.034-05:002011-03-27T11:45:57.034-05:00I think your response was fine. When friends comp...I think your response was fine. When friends complain about babies keeping them up at night, how much work they are, etc I just say it all sounds great to me!Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12316978989809741699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-50474555581145787282011-03-26T19:15:06.490-05:002011-03-26T19:15:06.490-05:00I'm with everyone else on this -- you didn'...I'm with everyone else on this -- you didn't say anything wrong. If you want to smooth things over anyway, you could share some of the thinking from your post and the comments here.<br /><br />I like TeamBabyCEO's comment that the challenge of infertility is prepping her for the difficulties of parenthood.<br /><br />*hugs*Brave IVF Girlhttp://bravingivf.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-4730300572822588972011-03-26T16:51:30.228-05:002011-03-26T16:51:30.228-05:00I also don't think you should feel badly for y...I also don't think you should feel badly for your response. It's a very different thing to be pregnant after a loss, and while people mean well, they should also think a little bit before they speak.Adelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06955659206478903815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-91202211997168205542011-03-26T14:19:31.954-05:002011-03-26T14:19:31.954-05:00Is there a better response? Is there even a right ...Is there a better response? Is there even a right one? I find that if I use "because infertility is a dirty whore" people tend to stop asking questions. Suppose in retrospect a boss isn't the one to say that too either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-68668951661339217492011-03-26T13:49:29.120-05:002011-03-26T13:49:29.120-05:00I think she's an example of the mouth-on-autop...I think she's an example of the mouth-on-autopilot-disengage-brain maneuver that people tend to do when talking about kids. And I agree with the commenters above - ain't nothing wrong with what you said. It was what you needed to say, and probably what she needed to hear. I certainly can see that you don't want to go through the whole emotional explanation every time someone says something stupid about your pregnancy. Would you be able to pull off something like "After several miscarriages, we're really hoping our lives are about to change this time!"? <br /><br />Anyway - good luck working out how to discuss things with people!the misfithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05206278843624907697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-15558716186273207382011-03-26T11:47:24.532-05:002011-03-26T11:47:24.532-05:00I like to think that the challenge of infertility ...I like to think that the challenge of infertility is prepping me for the difficulties of parenthood. But that's my read on the situation, I won't know until I've been there, just like it's impossible for your friend to know exactly how difficult this journey has been up for you to this point, having probably not been through it herself. And it's hard to let people in to things that you have so many fears and anxieties about privately; for me, that's mainly because of the pain of people catching me off guard, or expressing their opinions or perspectives...at any rate, I'm sorry that you went through that and hope you are doing well.TeamBabyCEOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11682024344964222406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-83655064634578112582011-03-26T09:48:13.457-05:002011-03-26T09:48:13.457-05:00Sweetie, you did the absolute right thing in telli...Sweetie, you did the absolute right thing in telling her how you felt and all the rest. People need to realise it's not a straight forward thing getting pregnant, at least not for every one!! Thinking of you loads and now that I'm back I'll be better at commenting too!! Love, FranFranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05717020378275616297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-58430105564442742742011-03-26T09:43:54.342-05:002011-03-26T09:43:54.342-05:00I'm surprised women especially don't say s...I'm surprised women especially don't say something supportive right off the bat. Don't they realize we know our lives are about to change, and maybe just maybe we are welcoming that change? Like others said, she probably meant well, but sheesh...have some compassion!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16875307109685150842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-68338475524580123992011-03-26T09:29:16.310-05:002011-03-26T09:29:16.310-05:00I think your response was fine even if it did make...I think your response was fine even if it did make her uncomfortable. Seems like I see many IF blogs where they are upset that someone is saying how hard kids are. SO if one woman is more sensitive that seems like a good thing to me.Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06248293979879390754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-60328655552389976992011-03-26T08:03:44.920-05:002011-03-26T08:03:44.920-05:00Man, it's a tough spot to be in all around! I ...Man, it's a tough spot to be in all around! I think your response was perfectly fine. I wish more people were aware and understanding. HugsLisaBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08662932656659080958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-33945888471485941682011-03-26T07:42:28.456-05:002011-03-26T07:42:28.456-05:00I'm so sorry, Alex. It really sucks when peopl...I'm so sorry, Alex. It really sucks when people don't understand and just start spouting off. I actually had someone tell me that pregnancy is overrated so adoption would be a good path for me. Ugh. I don't think you are the one that needs a different response. You have been through so much and are understandably scared right now. I'm just sorry that you have to worry. I can't wait for the day when you can breath a big sigh of relief and enjoy your pregnancy. (((hugs))).TeeJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00893545693449975785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-21425196747466863962011-03-26T04:27:23.190-05:002011-03-26T04:27:23.190-05:00I do think your response was ok. People just vomit...I do think your response was ok. People just vomit up whatever words come to their minds first with no consideration to our feelings, so if she feels bad for a second because she realizes that was rude to say what she did so be it.Lexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13982182495736869240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-61169226890978559012011-03-26T03:32:14.271-05:002011-03-26T03:32:14.271-05:00I don't know. This is a tough one. You could a...I don't know. This is a tough one. You could always say something like "I feel <br />incredibly blessed to be pregnant after all the struggles I have been through and once I have the baby i'm sure I'll still be grateful, even in the tough times." I know this is hard and the further along you get there'll be more times like this one. I delayed telling as long as I could for that reason. Take care :)AnxiousMummyto3https://www.blogger.com/profile/13249605078664682478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-49091393614006022172011-03-26T00:46:58.699-05:002011-03-26T00:46:58.699-05:00It seems like your friend's intentions were in...It seems like your friend's intentions were in the right place. She probably felt really bad..and maybe still does. I am so sorry you had that happen to you. Hugs:(marilynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08744558677574158093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-58580847149022211362011-03-25T22:51:53.163-05:002011-03-25T22:51:53.163-05:00I've done that before. It happens when people ...I've done that before. It happens when people catch you off guard. I always try to come up with a better response for future similar encounters too. Being prepared for those kinds of situations is what makes them easier to handle in the moment. I bet she feels pretty bad about saying anything to you too. But you know what? I say I hope she does, because then at least you have stopped one person (albeit ignorant) from speaking before they think. It just sucks it happened the way it did.<br /><br />This comment is coming from someone who had bad verbal diarrhea earlier this week too. lolChellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06387359193986785194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-70973200735686391972011-03-25T21:21:08.293-05:002011-03-25T21:21:08.293-05:00Well, on behalf of all the future pregnant women s...Well, on behalf of all the future pregnant women she will encounter, I want to say thank you. She won't be making that mistake again. I'm sorry that happened. People need to think before opening their mouths.<br /><br />I was talking to a friend this evening and she said something to me that I will try to do myself. It was "just be firm and direct with people when you tell them. Break the news and say clearly we've been trying for a long time and this has not been an easy journey for us so we'd appreciate if you didn't (and then insert whatever you don't want them to do or say)." <br /><br />OK, so you can't do that for every person on the street but you can be firm and let people know from word one that you're not interested in hearing their crap. Like you did with that coworker.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-58283376747189148272011-03-25T20:55:29.249-05:002011-03-25T20:55:29.249-05:00It annoys the shit out of me how people think that...It annoys the shit out of me how people think that we infertiles have NO IDEA that children require work. Like we live under a fuckin' rock or something. Thanks, Einstein, but I know that babies are a lot of work, now shut the fuck up. RPL and IVF are a lot of work too. I think your response is perfect. It's so true. Of course we are hoping our lives will change.<br /><br />Next time she gets a new haircut you should tell her how much work it is to keep up a new cut and style it well. Or if she buys a house you should just tell her she'll be up to her eyeballs in yardwork. Or if she gets a new job you should remind her that commuting sucks. Or if she gets a pedicure tell her it'll chip. Etc.~C~https://www.blogger.com/profile/17023387821284924172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-6703710431848450012011-03-25T18:21:23.525-05:002011-03-25T18:21:23.525-05:00I think your response was just fine. Another could...I think your response was just fine. Another could be "I don't see how it could be any harder than getting/staying pregnant has been for me". Or "I know it will be hard and a lot of work. I can't wait."<br /><br />Most people don't get it. They either say dumb things or nothing. At least she cared enough to ask why you haven't been out, etc. Good luck in dealing with the rest of the fertile world!Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com