tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post7948562877280203331..comments2023-06-16T08:01:04.540-05:00Comments on Alex's Adventures: Hello from a train!Alexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07524692943966582775noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-61857926489032903132010-09-19T18:11:23.543-05:002010-09-19T18:11:23.543-05:00The fact that you took the time to check on your f...The fact that you took the time to check on your friend and ask her about her loss shows you are such a kind and thoughtful person. Not everyone is like that, sadly. I am sorry your friend wasn't able to reciprocate the gesture. The other commenters have all given so many good reasons for why that could have been. But still...it would have been nice for you to get some comfort in your pain. <br /><br />Hugs to you. I hope the last leg of your trip continues to be relaxing and fun!Staciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01471803757485977959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-24128693614720165222010-09-19T09:23:06.718-05:002010-09-19T09:23:06.718-05:00A loss is a loss at any point. I'm glad you a...A loss is a loss at any point. I'm glad you are having a good trip. It sounds great.Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06248293979879390754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-60034708478096223682010-09-19T04:28:11.491-05:002010-09-19T04:28:11.491-05:00Alex, great to hear from you, I have missed you! G...Alex, great to hear from you, I have missed you! Good to hear you are having a GREAT trip! I am so glad you are making the most of the places you are visiting.<br /><br />I am sorry your friend couldn't have taken a moment to ask how you were doing. It hurts because when it happens you feel let down in a way.. maybe it's all too recent for her or maybe like you said she did not see your losses as the same kind of loss. Whatever the reason, I am thinking of you and hope that blogging about what happened has helped releasing some of the bad energy.. Sending you a big hug and cannot wait till you are back! Enjoy the Oktoberfest!Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06372510531044243177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-70705509025211937752010-09-18T18:41:22.339-05:002010-09-18T18:41:22.339-05:00Alex hugs to you. It's hard to hear of other ...Alex hugs to you. It's hard to hear of other peoples losses and especially when your own were diminished at the same time. <br />You described it so well. The fact that she sees her loss as an isolated event that she can put in a box and just move on and have confidence that she'll get pregnant again easily shows the differences. You on the other hand have to deal with the grief of loosing a baby (any loss is a loss) as well as the uphill battle of getting pregnant again.<br />I hope you're doing OK , I know from my own personal experience that hearing of other peoples losses can make my own resurface again. Thinking of you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-46230591788480877812010-09-18T17:29:40.140-05:002010-09-18T17:29:40.140-05:00I was thinking of the work denial....and as I just...I was thinking of the work denial....and as I just skimmed down I see that is what alot of people have put in their post...so many ways people grieve and or lack of...we are all programmed so different and for me I dealt with each of my loses differently and that fact she didnt ask a lot about you tells me she is still consumed with her loss whether she likes to admit to it or not....either way a loss is a loss period....its hard to deal with in whatever trimester:( Take care and enjoy the rest of your trip...I miss not hearing from youNick and Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14537407923580887602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-30412106639333536762010-09-18T11:07:10.113-05:002010-09-18T11:07:10.113-05:00arghh I had the longest comment typed out then lea...arghh I had the longest comment typed out then leaned on my laptop and somehow erased it!! D'oh<br /><br />Ok lets try and make it less verbose this time Suzy:<br /><br />I can sort of understand where your friend is coming from. Firstly, I get the not wanting to console people. I remember when people would cry in front of me I became so irritated, like they had no right to be upset, like I owned the only rights to grieve for my boy. It was totally irrational,, but thats grief for you!<br /><br />I do know lots of people who lost their babies in the late 2nd tri, and they really hate their loss being referred to as a miscarriage, and fight for the right for their babies to be legally recognised (however, they all held, named and loved on their babies - I dont understand why she wouldnt, but like you said, its not for us to judge). But perhaps that may have been why she glossed over your loss, because society views is as the same as hers, and she does not.<br /><br />But darling there is no pain olympics. Her loss is not greater than your loss. We cannot begin to imagine that one loss is worse or harder than another.<br /><br />Perhaps she is just feeling so much pain over her loss, she cant see outside of that to acknowledge your pain? Grief is a terribly selfish process.<br /><br />Much love to you, enjoy the rest of your trip!Suzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10979257233557088253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-16922975671992081132010-09-17T22:23:49.667-05:002010-09-17T22:23:49.667-05:00Hi darling,
I have really missed you. Can't wa...Hi darling,<br />I have really missed you. Can't wait til you are back. With your friend, I have to agree with the others that she just isn't able to share her true feelings. I think maybe deep down she hasn't moved on and is feeling anxious about trying again. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt though. Your losses are not "less" or easier to get over. They are just different. So that was an unfair thing for her to say, but when you are grieving, you're not really yourself, IYKWIM? Enjoy the rest of your trip & pop over when you can to see my news!! xxxxooooAnxiousMummyto3https://www.blogger.com/profile/13249605078664682478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-18174333370507374392010-09-17T09:03:39.307-05:002010-09-17T09:03:39.307-05:00I think the key may well be in the 2 months vs. ma...I think the key may well be in the 2 months vs. many, and perhaps also in the way we all deal with loss differently. I would also have felt stung at the fact that she did not bring up your loss. My guess is that if she's a good friend, she's probably already feeling badly about that. Or maybe she's had to encase her heart in steel in order to muster the courage to try again. One way or another, though, I do think that it's good that you brought it up and acknowledged it. (And, especially decent of you given that you are dealing with your own loss).<br /><br />Glad you're having fun! Enjoy Oktoberfest and travel safely!Adelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06955659206478903815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-85439693324371418032010-09-16T17:42:40.808-05:002010-09-16T17:42:40.808-05:00First, I'm glad you're having fun on your ...First, I'm glad you're having fun on your trip!!<br /><br />This is interesting about the conversation with your friend. How horrible what she went through. I'm sorry though that you felt like she glossed over your loss. You're right that IF changes us and if she got pregnant so easily, well, I don't know. Perhaps that's where her perspective came from.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08507118457609696378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-4302980173821062242010-09-16T16:33:58.085-05:002010-09-16T16:33:58.085-05:00Glad you're having a great trip Alex!! Enjoy ...Glad you're having a great trip Alex!! Enjoy Oktoberfest and tell us all about it when you get back!<br /><br />You've had so many great comments already re: your friend and I think I agree with others that she is so caught up in her own grief and working through that that she can't wrap her mind around yours. It's not okay, but I hope with time she realizes her error and reaches out to you.ALhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09150067629614839175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-88268812011142988682010-09-16T15:16:22.680-05:002010-09-16T15:16:22.680-05:00So glad that you're having a good trip!
I kno...So glad that you're having a good trip!<br /><br />I know that must have been hard. And, while her loss is horrible, yours is also significant and horrible, too. I know I feel humbled about my loss when looking at women who had even more time with their babies and lost them or had to make a decision to let them go. But, I also feel like what I've gone through was valid pain. It is hard not to look for some support even when you know that what she's going through is horrible. And, we do all react differently.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05382638658909144208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-3446794428621071632010-09-16T13:13:41.332-05:002010-09-16T13:13:41.332-05:00Oktoberfest! I am so jealous. I am sorry for this ...Oktoberfest! I am so jealous. I am sorry for this lack of support on your friends part. It's hard to understand how folks will relate. On to beer and food and fun. I miss the wonderful pretzels and chicken! Give Munich a wet sloppy kiss for me!Mrs. Misfitshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12245258330689439524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-39882948292273303202010-09-16T12:12:14.133-05:002010-09-16T12:12:14.133-05:00First, i am so glad you are enjoying your fabu tri...First, i am so glad you are enjoying your fabu trip. although, I know that bitter sweet feeling of what should have been follows us every where.<br />I am so sorry that your friend was insensitive like this. I am not saying I agree with her actions, but I do understand them in some way. I, like her, ended a pregnancy after a fatal prenantal diagnosis. I could related to people who had miscarriages but I felt there was something different or extra in my experience. I also know that I became so consumed with my own grief that it was impossible to feel anything for anyone else. My own emotions just took over. In time, this has changed for me so I hold out hope for her too, although I can understand why it might be hard for you to be around her especially if she becomes pregnant again easily. It is interesting to think about the point others have made about how IF makes us have to mourn our lost babies instead of moving or replacing with another baby or pregnancy.<br />Hoping you enjoy the rest of your trip.cdghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13174907373129154516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-27146168578524909722010-09-16T10:37:19.873-05:002010-09-16T10:37:19.873-05:00Your trip sounds so fun!!! I hope you post picture...Your trip sounds so fun!!! I hope you post pictures when you get back. <br /><br />As for your friend, I agree with BraveIVFgirl that it sounds like she is definitely in the 'denial' stage of grief. IF she doesn't get pregnant again right away, she'll for sure pass through all those other, awful stages. <br /><br />It pisses me off, too, though, that if she does get pregnant again right away, she may not have to fully cope with this loss (or maybe not until later in life when time will have mellowed the blow anyways). I read an article a few months ago, back when infant deaths in baby slings was making big news. One lady was interviewed whose 8-day old baby died in a sling as she was walking across the costco parcing lot (and did not once check on her 8 day old baby during the walk! Can you imagine not checking on a baby that young every SECOND?). She was interviewed as saying that she was ok becuase she was pregnant again... As though one baby were interchangeable for another!!! Yeah, that attitude totally pisses me off. I think that even if these women 'suffer' a loss, it isn't the same as it is for people who love that individual child with every fiber of their being. <br /><br />BUT, maybe she did, and she just can't talk about it. It doesn't seem like that is the case, but I'll try to give her the benefit of the doubt.Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12445064184402702224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-42834383262079873482010-09-16T09:59:21.667-05:002010-09-16T09:59:21.667-05:00Glad you're having fun on your trip!
I think ...Glad you're having fun on your trip!<br /><br />I think your friend maybe isn't as "moved on" as she indicates, and maybe that's why she glossed over your miscarriage, and why you think she doesn't view your losses as similar. Maybe she's afraid of not being able to get pregnant again so easily and wants to keep the distinction between your situations.<br /><br />That's my armchair psychologist read this morning, at least. :)Brave IVF Girlhttp://bravingivf.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com