tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post8574837223656302621..comments2023-06-16T08:01:04.540-05:00Comments on Alex's Adventures: Hating myselfAlexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07524692943966582775noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-61774422292448476282011-04-13T15:33:29.270-05:002011-04-13T15:33:29.270-05:00I am not sure what happened but you disappeared fr...I am not sure what happened but you disappeared from my reader. I was wondering where you went..lol<br />I Oh..I have been there. Sometimes, men just do not get the signals. I have been there. It sounded like your hubby recovered well after the crying though. Sometimes, it just happens. And now i don't feel so alone. <br />as for your friend, that has got to be a little hard to hear. I would also feel feel like I would want to call her too. Maybe send her an email or maybe facebook?marilynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08744558677574158093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-46021454594678318332011-04-12T18:36:47.278-05:002011-04-12T18:36:47.278-05:00That dynamic with your husband does sound familiar...That dynamic with your husband does sound familiar, and I imagine the pregnancy hormones are exaggerating both your reaction in the moment, and your sadness about it afterwards. *hugs*<br /><br />With your friend, I like Hope's suggestion to send her a note letting her know you're available if/when she wants to talk or ask questions. It took me more than 6 months to get on a normal cycle after getting off BCP, so hopefully for her sake that's all it is. (There's a reason, after all, for the classic advice to try for 6 months to a year, depending on age, and then see a doctor.) <br /><br />Hang in there -- you'll get through it!Brave IVF Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01084225265842765195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-10234969464605694052011-04-12T17:38:13.675-05:002011-04-12T17:38:13.675-05:00don't be mad at yourself for having needy mome...don't be mad at yourself for having needy moments. That's what a husband is there for, and you're there for his needy moments. On top of that, you're pregnant, your hormones are not what you'd call stable right now, and that is perfectly normal and okay. Be in your adult 95% of the time and have your meltdowns every now and then, it's NORMAL, and if hubs doesn't like it, then tough, he'll learn to deal :)Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14778859175461382675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-59008427835863259562011-04-12T15:50:43.228-05:002011-04-12T15:50:43.228-05:00Oh, that scenario sounds like something that happe...Oh, that scenario sounds like something that happens in our house all the time. And not just when I have excuses for being emotional... You deserve to have him come home and want to coddle you! But I suppose he deserves to come home and kick back.<br /><br />I am very hopeful that you will soon get to discover that this is not who you ARE, just who you were when you were going through this pretty endless hell. I mean, how could it not be a big part of you? I'm also betting if things don't turn around for J she'll soon find it's all she can talk about or think about...bunnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07197167351148883584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-72155967844953035802011-04-12T14:26:38.652-05:002011-04-12T14:26:38.652-05:00You are being way to hard on yourself! Hang in the...You are being way to hard on yourself! Hang in there. Sending positive thoughts your way!Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10096963201561831900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-35558140576296613682011-04-12T13:45:30.849-05:002011-04-12T13:45:30.849-05:00Be kind to yourself, Alex. And ask the husband to ...Be kind to yourself, Alex. And ask the husband to do the same (just blame it on the hormones).<br /><br />For J, oh well. She's probably scared, emotional, confused, in denial. Don't we all remember that stage? I often don't want to talk with people in "real life" about IF because it makes me cry so easily, and I don't like crying in front of people. Maybe she's more afraid of her own reaction than of the rest? I think from your previous conversations, she should know that she can talk to you, but (if you can) I'd let the subject rest and wait for her to bring it up. Or not. (hugs)Conceptionally Challengedhttp://conceptionallychallenged.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-49270813365308649882011-04-12T13:39:55.551-05:002011-04-12T13:39:55.551-05:00Alex, I think you have amazing insight into all of...Alex, I think you have amazing insight into all of this and I don't think you need to apologize for having had this dominate your thoughts. She just can't understand that yet. <br /><br />If you're up for a suggestion, here's what I would think might be a good way to approach J: I'd send her a message (email? hand-written notecard?) that was short and just simple, saying something like, "I'm so sorry you're having trouble TTC. I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you ever want to talk about it. I'll let you decide if/when that might be, but know I'm here if it helps you to talk." <br /><br />You may never hear from her. But I suspect she's just like we were at the beginning of this hellish rollercoaster. She doesn't want to be on it. And she doesn't want to believe that she might be on it for a while. And she doesn't want to be reminded of that by talking, right now, to those who have been on it for a long time. And I hope for her sake she's off the rollercoaster very soon, but if she's in for a ride, then it might really help when she finds herself 3, 6, 12 months from now that, if she's ready, she has someone who understands. <br /><br />Take care of yourself! I *still* qualify the "I"m pregnant" statement with "if it lasts" even though we have about as good news as we're likely to get. It's totally understandable. And yay! for just telling the hubs what it was you needed. You deserve it!HopeBPatienthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05594281959818334437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-65185478724194925002011-04-12T13:02:14.569-05:002011-04-12T13:02:14.569-05:00It's okay. The neediness comes and goes. it&...It's okay. The neediness comes and goes. it's to be expected with hormone levels simulating a roller coaster. i'm happy for you.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01377222694268497437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-26594213195411210752011-04-12T11:51:09.398-05:002011-04-12T11:51:09.398-05:00Pregnancy does weird things to our heads. Not only...Pregnancy does weird things to our heads. Not only pregnancy, but pregnancy after infertility. I have a 2-year-old and infertility and TTC still runs my life, as much as I hate to admit that. It becomes a major part of who we are because it is what we deal with day in and day out until we have a baby in our arms, and even then the scars that are left over never go away. It is difficult. There is no other way around it.<br /><br />You are finally pregnant, after so much heart ache, and I would expect nothing less from you than to feel clingy. Seriously. You have been through A LOT. Add to that, pregnancy hormones, and you are doing as well as anyone can expect. Give yourself a little grace to feel the way you do. There are reasons you feel this way. Work through them, but don't beat yourself up while you do. There are a lot of emotions at work right now, and that is to be expected.<br /><br />As for your friend, well, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I learned this one the hard way myself. I have a friend who started going through IF right as I finally got pregnant. I think after hearing what we went through, it scared her, and she pulled away from me. I felt so bad because I wanted to be there for her, especially considering I knew exactly what she was going through. I finally just had to let her go and tell myself if she wanted to talk to me, she would. It's so hard to watch someone you care about struggle and not let you help them.<br /><br />Ease up on yourself sweetie. <br /><br />*hugs*Chellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06387359193986785194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-86121020322125390282011-04-12T07:53:14.618-05:002011-04-12T07:53:14.618-05:00My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are i...My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are in a very frustrating place. Don't hate yourself (easier said than done of course), you are dealing with a very crappy situation. Whether or not you end up with a baby won't erase all this struggle. Try not to dwell on how you've been acting - all you can do is make changes (even tiny ones) going forward. *hug*jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06645802594940433840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-11644692281506283692011-04-12T06:27:42.679-05:002011-04-12T06:27:42.679-05:00Please don't be so hard on yourself. You'v...Please don't be so hard on yourself. You've been through so much and it's understandable (at least to me) why you are so focused on TTC and now being pregnant. I wouldn't doubt if your friend's fertility issues don't take over her life in some way, too. The longer it takes the more focused and determined most of us become. I guess when she's ready maybe she will come to you. If not then I feel like it's her loss because you are a great support system.TeeJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00893545693449975785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-49297108095368364862011-04-12T04:10:01.894-05:002011-04-12T04:10:01.894-05:00You have been through so much I don't think it...You have been through so much I don't think it's strange to have these worries. Of course it's consuming, you fought so hard for this and it's yours to protect. Hope your friend can accept your support along the way if needed. Hugs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-16587038454696671042011-04-12T03:59:36.184-05:002011-04-12T03:59:36.184-05:00Oh hun, please don't beat yourself up! You'...Oh hun, please don't beat yourself up! You've been through the ringer! I totally understand why your emotions and feelings are that way. I would probably be the same way! Plus your body is changing and hormones are doing crazy things. I'm sorry you have to go through all this - I wish it could be "normal" :-( HUGS!LisaBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08662932656659080958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-90394013585638376862011-04-11T21:31:20.837-05:002011-04-11T21:31:20.837-05:00Do not beat yourself up. Everyone is different wh...Do not beat yourself up. Everyone is different when it comes to IF or how to pick what to cook for dinner. Whatever way you go about it is OKAY, it's your way, no one elses. Plus, she is like 6 months deep into this journey and it is easy to say you don't want it to be your 'life', but once you get deeper and at a certian mark (different for each of us), you throw everything you have at it bc looking back with regrets is terrible. You look and analyze everything trying to make sure you are doing what you can-it's the only control you have over any of it! <br />If they can by pass those feelings and that reality, more power to them. But don't let their judgements hurt you no or ever. They haven't walked in your shoes, they haven't had a BFP pulled from under you and had to deal with the physical and mental aspect of a MC. <br />Just be you and deal with everything how you need to and don't apologize for your ways! xoxoxoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-73897644121179065392011-04-11T20:30:42.622-05:002011-04-11T20:30:42.622-05:00I don't think it would hurt to reach out to yo...I don't think it would hurt to reach out to your friend maybe in an email or something. You can't feel down on yourself for achieving such a special gift. I know it's rough, but it was your time.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16875307109685150842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-33658962875791574492011-04-11T20:29:49.859-05:002011-04-11T20:29:49.859-05:00I'm sorry about J's reaction, but I agree ...I'm sorry about J's reaction, but I agree with the above, of course that is what you talked about.<br />I hope that she comes around and feels as thought you are a resource for her.kkasunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02183334533316759163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-50748472593452853292011-04-11T20:25:58.376-05:002011-04-11T20:25:58.376-05:00You can't hate yourself, Alex. You have gone ...You can't hate yourself, Alex. You have gone through a traumatic experience and anyone else in your shoes would be the same way. If your friend endures IF or some other struggle, it will more than likely overtake her life as well. She just hasn't gone through something like that yet so she doesn't know. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. =(quadmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17254199098599230245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-20187761153710530952011-04-11T19:31:35.175-05:002011-04-11T19:31:35.175-05:00Ah yes-- How well I remember the pregnancy psychos...Ah yes-- How well I remember the pregnancy psychosis of hating myself for pregnancy psychosis! I basically had to brief Eric thoroughly on the effects of hormones on mood, and on how to deal with me during those times. After the briefing, things went pretty well.<br /><br />As for not wanting your life to revolve around ttc, WHO DOES??? J is right to not want that for herself! I think she's likely in for it anyways, though. It doesn't sound like she was criticizing your character at all (if it was just you, she would have no need to worry about it happening to herself-- and she is worried-- and rightly so. ttc SUCKS!!!). <br /><br />There is that criticism out there about moms who are 'obsessed'. That they are stupid and shallow or something. Fuck that. Your baby will be the most amazing and fascinating creature, and raising it will be the most fun, rewarding, and challenging enterprise of your life. Of COURSE you should be passionate about it!!! Really, it's ridiculous to think otherwise. <br /><br />But I agree that you should wait for J to broach the subject. She knows you're a resource, and if she wants to talk about it, she'll come to you. I keep doing the same thing though-- encouraging all my ttc friends to talk to me about it, saying things like, "Oh, if you need anyone to talk to about it...". When really it's ME who wants to talk about it!! :)Lesleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01015353387009923240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-13759320846930047872011-04-11T19:06:24.932-05:002011-04-11T19:06:24.932-05:00Oh Alex...I'm sorry. I think this whole thing ...Oh Alex...I'm sorry. I think this whole thing produces interactions like you had with your husband-you miss them more than normally, you would like a little more understanding, and just miss them. The hardest is when you know you're not acting the way you "should" with them, but then they do something or say something that sends you into an emotional tailspin-I had one a few weeks ago when Rob went skiing. Be patient with yourself right now-you deserve it. The journey we are on is a series of worries, and blessings, and I don't think anything you are feeling is wrong. Thinking about you and wishing you all the best, as always.TeamBabyCEOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11682024344964222406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-74878353834747057922011-04-11T18:59:00.482-05:002011-04-11T18:59:00.482-05:00Now I don't know the answer to this question, ...Now I don't know the answer to this question, but do you think you'd have been thinking only about your ttc or the fact that the baby is still alive if you hadn't been infertile? I don't think you're self-centered. I think you're scared, and your experience gives you good reason. I feel justified in being irritated with women whose worlds shrink to an itty-bitty circle, robbing them of compassion for anyone else, when they don't have a decent excuse. But in times of crisis, everyone's world shrinks. And the problem with IF is that it can be a continuous crisis for 5 or 10 years. It impoverishes all our relationships and our development in all other areas of our lives for that reason. Now I am ranting...sorry...but here's to taking our lives back, to finding a place where there's nothing to be worried about or afraid of any more.the misfithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05206278843624907697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-15114516237598235742011-04-11T18:37:09.773-05:002011-04-11T18:37:09.773-05:00I definitely agree with the others. Give yourself ...I definitely agree with the others. Give yourself a bit of a break. It's stressful to be where you are right now and to have to do that with PG hormones raging?! You'd be a saint not to have little conniptions every now and again!<br /><br />How sweet is your husband when he was talking with your friends! Not many guys would recommend SAs to their guy friends. I'm sorry that your friend is having difficulties TTC, but I think it is absurd that she doesn't want to talk about it so she doesn't become obsessed with it "like you". Uhh, that happens to every women that is TTC and hasn't had any success after several months!<br /><br />Hang in there!Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-48236805587419164322011-04-11T18:34:12.740-05:002011-04-11T18:34:12.740-05:00Oh honey, I really don't think you were being ...Oh honey, I really don't think you were being a child at all. I am the same with my husband and not after he has been away (cos he doesn't do that), but just when he comes home from work and does his own thing, my feelings still get hurt. I really think he could have been a bit more sensitive to your feelings-asked if you were feeling ill, etc. And you are more than just this journey. You are an amazing friend to all of us for one. If this journey has overtaken your life a little though, that is totally normal. Of course you want your baby to survive-and since the baby is living inside you, there's no way you can forget, even for a second. Please give yourself a break. I also think J's comment was a little insensitive. Hang in there you are doing great.<br />xxooAnxiousMummyto3https://www.blogger.com/profile/13249605078664682478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-29156895677684451562011-04-11T18:22:09.861-05:002011-04-11T18:22:09.861-05:00I would maybe shoot her an email saying you're...I would maybe shoot her an email saying you're willing to answer any questions she has, or something like that. Open the door and let her walk through it when she's ready. She might think that, now that you're pregnant, you no longer want to talk about TTC. (Or that you'd offer annoying "I just relaxed!" advice. Some people really do do this.)<br /><br />I don't blame you for missing/needing your husband. That's what marriage is about, especially when you're working together towards something important, like a birth.Marissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12335092755332310967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-91291517496496008292011-04-11T17:07:10.448-05:002011-04-11T17:07:10.448-05:00Alex don't be so hard on yourself! how many fe...Alex don't be so hard on yourself! how many fellow bloggers have you seen sailing through pregnancy like nothing bothered them? None!! I am really sorry for your friends but I also don't understand their approach...she's worried there's something not right but she doesn't want to do anything about it? I think maybe she'd like not to think too mch about it but given her reaction to your hubs's suggestion I think she's already in the loop. I agree though that you shouldn't bring it up. She knows she can talk to you (ask you things) so give her time. Love, FranFranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05717020378275616297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073547614166371090.post-9189136289419221292011-04-11T17:01:25.004-05:002011-04-11T17:01:25.004-05:00I definitely agree with everything everyone has sa...I definitely agree with everything everyone has said above. <br /><br />For your friend, I've been in a somewhat similar situation. My friend M just started trying about 7 months ago or so and we've barely talked since then. I think both of us were terrified of what it would be like if she got pregnant immediately. But, she hasn't and it's starting to take its toll on her. She's a little older than I am and feeling the pressure more and I think my being open with her about what's going on has made her feel more comfortable being open with me. <br /><br />And, I'm sorry she sees you as a cautionary tale. Personally, I think it is good that you are there to be there to help her through it if she does have to go through anything similar.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05382638658909144208noreply@blogger.com