And I'm not really sure I'm out of it... Little Alex is almost four weeks old, and I can't believe how quickly time has passed. I seem to have no time to do anything, and unfortunately blogging, both posting and reading, has dropped to the bottom of the list. It turns out that I really did need to have a job to find time to blog! I miss it, and will try to include this as part of my routine going forward.
Alex and I have good days and bad, and I could write many posts about all of it. During the day, she will sleep and sleep. I wake her every three hours to feed her, which seems to take about 1 1/2 hours each time. So then we have about 1 1/2 hours of downtime to sleep, take a walk (which seems to help my spirits), do a little laundry, or feed myself (which for the first time in my life I seem to forget). And during the night, she won't sleep for longer than 1-2 hours, so we're doing the feeding thing about every 2-3 hours, and it's more often 2 hours than 3. I try to take naps during the day, which I can do most days, but some days it doesn't happen, which screws everything up for another day or two. Breastfeeding is still going. I really appreciate all the people who gave me such thoughtful and helpful comments and emails! Such good advice and support from all my bloggy folks - thanks! Some days are good - she only wants about 4 ounces of formula in a 24 hour period, and some days aren't that good - up to about 12 ounces of formula in 24 hours. I am not being as good as I should regarding pumping and trying to stimulate my breasts more than what Alex does. I haven't pumped at night in weeks - too tiring. And whole days go by without pumping. Right now my MIL and grandmother-in-law are staying with us, and I don't really feel like pumping in front of them - I'm barely comfortable whipping one boob out in front of them and then covering it with my baby! But they leave on Tuesday, and I'm going to try to commit to one full week of everything I can do to increase milk production, including lots of pumping!
In three weeks, we are leaving to go to Denver and stay with the in-laws for three weeks, and I'm very nervous about the trip. Not necessarily the trip, but living there for three weeks. Right now, I have all my stuff set up between three rooms: my bedroom, living room and kitchen. This includes a bouncy chair set in the pack n play, a swing (which is just the best invention ever), a fabulous rocking chair, two changing stations (day-time in my bedroom, night-time in the living room), and a bottle cleaning station in the kitchen. None of that is going with me to Denver, except my MIL keeps telling me that she bought a pack n play. That's nice, except for the fact that Alex is not a big fan of sleeping flat on her back - she's most content propped up in a swing or the bouncy chair. Or her favorite place, my arms! And the only thing that is going with us to Denver is my arms... Before giving birth, I read so many books and talked to a bunch of people about sleep routines, and raising babies, and I was convinced I knew what I was going to do. I really liked the idea of Babywise, and I was going to follow it perfectly! And then I had a baby... In the middle of the night, when all I want to do is sleep, and all baby wants to do is fuss and cry if you set her down, I am ashamed to admit how many times I fall asleep in bed with Alex sleeping on my chest, something I swore I would never do. It's amazing what we will resort to doing when desperate for sleep! I've nursed her in bed, and fallen asleep while nursing (something I didn't want to do), kept her in my Moby wrap for hours, fed her to sleep, and other things that my sleep-deprived mind can't remember now that I swore I wouldn't do in this way. I really wanted to have a schedule, and get her to sleep through the night quickly, and it seems I have turned into a bit of an attachment-style parent - something that is fine for others but I really didn't want to do myself. I like the ideas, but knowing I am going back to work 12 weeks after birth makes me very nervous about keeping up the ways of attachment parenting. I worry sometimes about undoing the bad habits that we've clearly started, but I keep telling myself that you can't spoil a newborn. But at what point does it get better? I keep thinking about the time I go back to work. Granted I have eight more weeks left, but in the four weeks so far it hasn't exactly gotten better as far as the night feedings. Well I guess during the first week it was constant because she was starving, so that's better. I know I'm rambling, but I just really hope that it will get better here soon because I can't imagine trying to function at a job after the nights I have if her current schedule continues!
Besides worrying about sleeping when we go to Denver and when I return to work, things are getting better. I'm getting the hang of this mommy thing, and I'm having the time of my life. When things are rough, all I have to do is look at her precious face, and my heart melts, and everything seems better. My dad came to town for Thanksgiving, and it was amazing seeing him with Alex. I love how smitten he seems with his new granddaughter. It's moments like those that make everything else in the world disappear, and I couldn't be happier.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Right out of college, I worked with infants at a daycare for a year. When you go back to work, your daycare provider will help you get her on a schedule and will assist in the transition. You're not in this all by yourself. Don't worry too much for now : )
ReplyDeleteRemember last Christmas how you were mourning your IVF cycle? : )
I'm so glad to hear how she melts your heart - it's amazing, isn't it? She's still so young, I bet in the next few weeks she will get more of a sleep routine down. My thoughts were you can't force it, even though the book says to start so young.
ReplyDeleteI am totally guilty of falling asleep with the baby on my chest. It's not a habit I want to continue, but she seems so happy laying there. I'm hoping all of us new parents will figure out what we're doing eventually. :-)
ReplyDeleteoh, honey you are so much braver than i am--there is no way in the world i could have handled three weeks with a newborn at my in-laws' house.
ReplyDeleteWhat's her weight up to now? In my experience, and I have heard others say this as well, they start sleeping better around the time they reach 10 pounds. For both my kids, that was around 6 weeks of age, which was really good because that was right when I went back to work. The big things are making sure she gets enough to eat during the day and doesn't sleep *too* much. I was a big fan of the Baby Whisperer book.
I understand everything you've talked about. I remember how hard it was those first few weeks. It took me about 4 wks (to recover from my c-section) to feel somewhat 'normal' again. And wondering, when will my baby sleep through the night??!!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a fabulous job! Like you said, just look at your precious babies face and know that it's all worth it.
I hope you have a good vacation at the inlaws and baby will be good for the trip!
I had the same thing happen to me. She would only sleep in our arms or on our chests. And she wanted to constantly eat at night.
ReplyDeleteAt about four weeks, we transitioned to eating every 3.5 to 4 hours (3-4 ounces). This made SUCH a difference. At five weeks she went in her crib (in the boppy, because she refses to sleep on her back, I know it's bad, but she has been fine). Life improved dramatically once those two changes happened. I still cheat and let her sleep in my arms during the day on weekends.
I hope things improve, but I am sure they will, I absolutely thought that the first four weeks were the hardest, and then she started smiling and sleeping better all at once!!!!
I still get all warm and fuzzy because she's here and she's yours!!! I'm sure you can get into a routine at the inlaws and get set up. 3 weeks is a good amount of time so they'll expect you to spread out and take over the space for your needs.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I have a feeling that all these ideas we have about what we're going to do and how it's going to go are pretty much useless once the kid arrives. She'll doing what she's going to do and doesn't much care what we've planned. And she'll turn out just fine. The sleeplessness must be crazy rough, though. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteTry not to feel too much pressure about the routine, Mama. It will fall into place in time. Enjoy these joyful (and, yes, sleep-deprived) weeks with your beautiful Alex, whatever that looks like!
ReplyDeleteMy parenting style falls into the attachment parenting style, too, and my experience (and everything I've read) discusses how AP is very good for the mama (and esp. the baby) who works outside of the home. All that babywearing and co-sleeping (if that continues for you) can be a fabulous way to recapture and stoke the closeness you both enjoyed during your maternity leave.
Do what feels right to you, girl. ;)
Oh sweetie, those first few months are SO hard. My ped told me there is NO way to spoil a baby under 6 months and they don't have bad habits before then either. We slept with our daughter on us all time and she started STTN around 8 weeks. You just have to do what you have to do to get rest and food for the both of you. That's your only job right now. Don't feel guilty about any of it. You will look back at those naps you take with her on your chest and smile with delight =)
ReplyDeleteI also read babywise and thought I would follow it too. It doesn't take long to realize that the theory of raising a baby is different than the practice...you're doing great!
One thing I found interesting is that apparently in the womb babies are up more at night because blood flow is the greatest when mom is laying down. Then they sleep more in the day because Mom is up and about. So it takes them a while to turn that all around. We also battled the flipped schedule with our little girl. But it works itself out.
About going to the in-laws...I live in CO and have a bouncy chair and swing you could borrow for the three weeks if you want. I am just east of Boulder, so only about 20 minutes from Denver. Let me know!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this will help you or not, but I live in Denver and have a swing and a bouncy seat you can borrow. Just send me an email and I'll get them to your MIL before you even arrive if you'd like.
You're doing a great job. Having a new baby is such an adjustment. I know I had all sorts of plans that went out the window as soon as my son came home. I worried about being the best mom to him, but someone told me I'm the perfect mom for him and that helped me a lot.
Susan (sbhougas@gmail.com)
Just do what feels right to you. I 'm sure you are doing a great job/.
ReplyDeletei did what you did - woke my babies to feed every 2-3 hrs during the day. Then at around 5-6 weeks it clicked and they started sleeping through the night (7-8 hours). Hang in there - she'll sleep soon!
ReplyDeletegirl, I hear ya. I worried about going back to work after 5 weeks with mhy little A and being able to function. I think I just got used to a new normal for me, which may or may not include bags under my eyes, forgetfullness, sleeping at work, etc. You get it.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
I'm glad you're still hanging in there. I was just thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing. Sending lots of love and (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteSo glad to see this update! It all sounds so exhausting but it also sounds like you're doing an AWESOME job.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the Denver trip. I know that's going to be a tough one. But, I'm sure you'll pull through great!
Take susan on the swing and bouncer offer! They will be priceless. My mom bought a space saver swing for E and it mad our trip so much better.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard now, but it will get easier as Alex is able to sooth herself. You are doing a great job!
I think for me it got better at around 6 weeks. They kind of "wake up" in a sense - start smiling, cooing, and the schedule becomes more predictable. Until then it is just going with the flow, don't beat yourself up about falling asleep with Alex etc. Just do what you need to do to get as much rest as possible. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Alex, I just wanted to assure you that you are indeed still in the fog! I remember that rambling feeling, my mind reeling and thinking of all of the things I wasn't doing as opposed to what I was doing! It's okay. A baby is a HUGE change in life style and it has only been four weeks. I remember I kept thinking when will it get better? It just does. One day you just hear her cry and you don't even look at the clock, you just know she is tired or know she needs a bottle or a diaper change. It becomes less work and more instinct. As for Denver, we traveled to Florida recently and rented everything from a swing, to a bathtub to a crib and an exersaucer. It looks like there are a few rental places in Denver. 3 weeks is a long time away from the comfort of home. I took the liberty of googling...try this place... http://www.babystay.com/. Rent yourself a swing and whatever else you need. The place in Florida, delivered it, set it up and broke it all down and picked it up. THE BEST MONEY EVER SPENT. Also, remember, post partum occurs even in Moms who really wanted their baby and went through IVF. If you get to feeling too down, contact your OB. I was really confused and down on myself after birth, but I was confused because I wanted my baby so badly and went through IVF...I was placed on zoloft one week after Madelyn was born and I perked up immediately which was a big difference to before when I cried, slept and was so confused. Good luck and email me if you have any questions. I will email you my packing list that I use for traveling!
ReplyDeletejust awarded you:)
ReplyDeleteYup, same here. I didn't want to co-sleep, but penelope insisted. I worried a lot about 'unsafe' sleeping situations during those first few weeks (as you could see on my blog!). But in the future, if I had another baby, I'd probably not worry as much about it and just go with it.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way to postpone your trip to the in-laws? Or at least shorten it? That sounds like WAYYYYYY too much stress! Try to get out of it. You can do it-- your responsibilities lie with yourself and little Alex now, not with the in-laws. And they WILL understand, especially if you tell them how much you are struggling with establishing a routine.
I'm just trying to get over the fact that you are GOING TO DENVER FOR THREE WEEKS. Whaaaaaat?!?! Sorry, I'm sure that you wouldn't be doing it if it weren't what you wanted, but that sounds like pure hell to me. There is no way I could have or would have done that. Okay!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I don't want to be all assvicey, because what do I know, but I say trust your gut. There are so many sources of information and advice, it's hard not to get confused. And the things you read may or may not apply to your own unique baby. I'm totally biased because I refused (and still refuse) to read parenting books, but for what it's worth...I hope you can do what feels right to YOU and cut yourself all the slack that you can. Seriously--this is a wild and crazy time, and you are clearly doing brilliantly.
So good to hear from you and get a peak at life with a new baby :-) So happy for you!! I've missed you :)
ReplyDelete