Friday, August 26, 2011

Missing Colorado

We had such a wonderful weekend in Colorado. We spent Thursday through Monday spending time with all our friends and family in Colorado, and we are truly blessed with the people that have stayed in touch with us, and continue to support us and come out to see us when we go back to Denver.

I find myself telling everyone how this little one was conceived. I wasn’t super secretive about my infertility before – I would tell anyone if they asked, or if it seemed natural. But now that I’m pregnant, I feel even more compelled to tell people that this baby was not an accident, and she wasn’t easy, and I worked really hard to get her! I found myself at my baby shower talking to five women in the kitchen all about IUI’s, and IVF’s, and frozen embryos, and any other questions they had for me. And it was great. Maybe this will help get the word out. I don’t have a lot of ambition to be an infertility advocate, or anything like that. But if we could all be more open about our own experiences, maybe it could help infertility have less of a stigma than it does already.

And it doesn’t have to be super serious and educational. We were at a happy hour after the shower so the guys could celebrate too, and after a few drinks, someone started taking a bunch of pictures. Somehow the hubs and I got into some weird poses, with him grabbing my belly and I guess it looked a little sexual, and someone yelled out, “That’s how she got that way!” And the hubs said, “Not exactly. I wasn’t really involved at all!” And I said, “No honey, you were involved – you had your nice alone time with the cup!” And everyone laughed. Not sure if it was awkward for those who didn’t know all the details, but I don’t really care. At that moment, I was proud of us for being easy and up-front about our infertility, even if it was in front of 15 or so random friends and a bunch of strangers around us.

The night before we left, I had a two-hour conversation with the hubs’ grandmother. She’s the only grandparent that we have left between the two of us, and she’s amazing. She’s 92 years old, and she still goes to work every day as a bookkeeper. She keeps the books for about 20 different investment companies and trusts, all on green ledger paper and with a pencil. She decided when she turned 80 that she wasn’t going to worry about things like drinking and dieting anymore, so she will definitely have a cocktail or two if given the opportunity! She and I sat there for two hours, she with her glasses of champagne, and me with my water, and I listened to her talk. She told me all about the birth of her first child.

It was 1944, and she and her husband were living in Oklahoma on an army base. She was about to give birth. In fact, she had been told by her doctor to come into the hospital the next day to give birth (not exactly sure why – I think she was supposed to check into the hospital even though she wasn’t yet in labor). Well, her husband told her that his unit just got orders to go to Europe to fight in World War II. She hadn’t been away from her husband prior to this, but they knew that it was probably coming. So the next morning, instead of checking into the hospital to deliver her baby, she packed up her car. She decided she didn’t want to have a baby in Oklahoma where she didn’t know anyone; instead she wanted to be in Ohio where she grew up and where her mother could help her raise the baby. She had a foot locker that held all her clothes, dishes, and other personal items, and a dog. She drove for two days, without going over 40 miles per hour per the war-time restrictions, and using gas stamps, and she made it to Ohio by herself. She didn’t go into labor for another eight days.

When she went into labor, her mother told her to take a cab to the hospital, but when she got into the cab, she discovered it was full with two other passengers. The cab driver told her that he was going to drop off the other passengers first, as they were defense workers, and they were more of a priority than a laboring woman. She finally got to the hospital, and they discovered the baby was breech. She still delivered vaginally, but only after “the doctor took his knife and cut me, all the way to my bowels!” She hadn’t heard of the term “episiotomy” when I said it. She then told me that for the next ten days while she was in the hospital, the doctor would come by, put a sheet over her face, and show all the students “her bottom” with the cut and all the stitches. She was so embarrassed, having to show her “bottom” to strangers. She stayed in the hospital for ten days with her baby girl, and by the time she went home, they were in a good routine.

I loved hearing her stories of giving birth, and raising babies. She is such an amazing woman. I hope she lives for at least a few more years, as I hope that baby Alex will be able to remember her. She can’t drive as her vision isn’t great, and she has a few medical problems, but overall she’s in really good health. We’ve been talking a lot about death lately, as she recently changed the executor of her estate to the hubs, so she wanted to go over all the details and paperwork with both the hubs and me. I’ve only been with the hubs for eight years of my life, but she is such a huge part of my family, and I don’t ever want to see her go. She’s so excited to meet baby Alex, and I can’t wait to see them together. We’ve decided on a middle name for Alex – Louise. This is the hubs grandmother’s middle name, and I can’t think of a better name for my baby girl.

This trip made us long even more for Colorado. We have to get back there – and soon. Right now we have a two-year plan. At the end of the next two years, we will be back in Denver. Our jobs don’t really support this, but there are more important things than jobs. We want to raise our children in Colorado, near our family, and that is much more important than where we work.

18 comments:

  1. Wow, what a great story!!!! Poor thing, that cut sounds awful!

    Colorado is so beautiful, I can absolutely see why you would want to get back!

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  2. What a beautiful story!! And it's amazing you two have such a great relationship! Also I was exactly like you, telling people how we conceived Oliver seemed so so natural to me. I know it's not everyone's way of dealing with infertility, but I'm glad we share it!
    Love, Fran

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  3. I find that telling other people about my IVF helps educate them. I never understood why some people are so secretive about it, but to each their own right?

    Love the story of your hub's grandmother. What a special bond you guys all have.

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  4. So glad you had a lovely time. I wish I can always bottle up all the love from the homestead whenever I return, ya know?

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  5. I am an open Infertile too. In fact, if it makes people uncomfortable, good! They need to know that everything is not always sunshine and roses, and its not always black and white.

    Yuor grandma-in-law sounds really sweet. Hopefully you guys move back soon so you can be closer to her. I bet she would love that.

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  6. What a wonderful, wonderful thing. I'm in love with your hub's grandmother and it makes me miss mine all the more.

    I'm so glad that you're able to be so open, now. You know, I feel like I'll be more likely to be so if something is successful but it all still feels so raw and too personal while still in the thick of it. I know that's not the best way to go -- it's better for others to understand the raw part and know that treatments don't always work. But, it's tough sometimes.

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  7. I have been more about our struggles with IF since we found out we were pregnant also. I think each person is different and knows what they are comfortable with sharing, but it seems like that scenario is pretty common. That story was cool to read! I'm glad my doc wouldn't come in to show off my tear/stitches to others though! :)

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  8. Oh, how awesome! That you are such good friends with your grandma-in-law, that you are doing so great with being open about your IF struggles, and that you have a wonderful plan to raise Alex Louise in a place you love! I am so impressed, and so so so happy for you.

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  9. This brought a tear to my eye. My grandmother died at 97 right before I got pregnant with my daughter. We use to have all these deep conversations and I miss her dearly. You're right, some things are more important that work. I hope you make it back to Denver soon. BTW, I'm from Boulder =)

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  10. Oh..My...God. The cut her entirely open to get the breech baby out!!!! I felt faint reading that. But what an incredible story. And i get "teaching hospitals, shoot i was born in one with my mom surrounded by students, lol...but displaying her stitches!! rude!!

    I love that you are sharing with people about the work you did for babies. I'm finding it's getting easier to tell people myself. But i always feel a little judged...like maybe they think i was being greedy to put 2 embryos in. :( Oh well. that is a guilt i will shake off.

    Baby girl will be here before you know it!! What a lucky little princess to have you for a mom!

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  11. What a great story! Wow! And I'm so glad you were able to share your journey. I'm glad you had a good time!

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  12. Old ladies' birth stories are always so fascinating. I even love my mom's stories... I just found out that of the five of us, the only one she had pain relief with was me (c-section) and not my brothers! She's not militant about not using drugs, so I don't know why-- she said she just always waited too long and by the time she wanted them, she couldn't get them. I was all "Didn't you learn anything after the first or second time!?" lol! My youngest best brother was an induction with Pitocin, too... my mom is tough.

    I tell everyone how our girls were conceived, too. ALthough it comes up in conversation a lot as "So whose side has twins on it, his or yours?" My response is, "Oh, neither, we used fertility treatments and they told us we had a 35-40% chance of multiples." I say it in a lighthearted way because I don't mind people knowing and I don't want them to feel like they accidentally said something that revealed too much personal information. I WANT people to know that infertility happens and it's okay to talk about.

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  13. I spent 5 weeks in Denver once upon a time and loved the air and clean water. Such a neat place. My grandma's preggo/birth stories are hilarious... ooohhh the 1940's.

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  14. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful (and interesting!) lady :) Glad you had an easy time talking about infertility. I think that's how I'd be too if I was pregnant. Thinking it will never happen though makes it tough to talk to others about.

    Hope your 2 year plan works perfectly and that you get to be close to your family.

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  15. Your grandmother sounds amazing! {and sidenote, my middle name is Louise too, where I get the L in L...great name!}

    It's also great that you feel comfortable talking about how little baby Alex was conceived, I'm the same way, I want to be open and honest about my journey so that IF isn't so taboo any more.

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  16. She sounds pretty incredible, and I hope she's around for a good long time (driving from OK to OH at that point in pregnancy...at 40 mph...wow:)

    I will keep fingers crossed for your 2-year plan. I have a Colorado friend in NYC, and she feels exactly the same.

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  17. What a great story! Your grandmother-in-law sounds like a doll! A fiesty ol' doll! Love her! :)

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  18. this story is so amazing! It took me there. She sounds amazing!

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