Saturday, August 20, 2011

Today is my shower!

This afternoon I am having my first baby shower. I have travelled to Denver for this, and all my Denver family and friends will be there. My mother-in-law and friend have put so much effort into planning and today will be cooking up a storm for this party. I am so grateful for all their hard work, I can hardly put it into words.

I’m amazed I’m here. 28 weeks today, in the third trimester, feeling my little girl kick every day, and having a baby shower. The emotions that well up are overwhelming. The hubs doesn’t understand why it seems I cry every day. I try to hide most of the crying, but when I walk into my friend’s house today and see what they’ve done for the shower, and see people I haven’t seen in a long time coming together to see me and bring a gift for my little girl, I don’t know if I will be able to keep it together.

I cried so much on the phone with my mother yesterday. I really screwed something up. When we’re in town for a long weekend, and we both grew up here and have lots of people that we love here, it’s very hard to fit everyone in. I had made plans to see my mother for lunch yesterday, and it didn’t work out. I won’t go into all of it, but we weren’t able to have lunch yesterday, and she’s not free any time the rest of the time I’m here. As she says, “I have a life too.” She’s coming to the shower this afternoon, but I won’t be able to have any quality time with her at an event like that. I was just so disappointed, as she won’t come to Texas to visit, now or even after baby Alex’s birth, and I rarely get to see her. I should have made sure lunch happened yesterday, and I feel so guilty for this, but I don’t know what to do about it now. I hope she’s nice today at the shower – it could go either way.

Besides the issue with my mother, everything’s been wonderful. We’re staying with the in-laws, and they’ve been so nice. All of our friends have dropped whatever they were doing to spend time with us, and we are getting some very special attention as we’re bringing the first baby of the generation to this crazy group. It’s so sweet, but all the attention gets somewhat overwhelming at times too.

I just can’t believe I’m here. After all the infertility treatments, and the losses, and the sadness and longing that took over my life for a couple years, I’m in my third trimester, and I’m celebrating the pending birth of my little girl with all the people I love in my life. I’m so very lucky, and I remember it daily. I have quite a few friends having fertility struggles of their own, and I wish I could take their pain from them. There are two of those ladies coming to the shower this afternoon, and I sent them each messages telling them if it was too much to come to the shower, I certainly understand, but they are planning on coming. I hope it’s not too painful for them. I don’t understand why some of us have to bear the infertility burden, but I know that having gone through it gives me such an appreciation of what I have, that I don’t know if I would have had without infertility. We were at a bar last night with our friends, and after a few hours of sitting on a bar stool, my back was killing me. I stood up and was leaning over the stool, trying to stretch it out, feeling pretty miserable. But then Alex kicked me, telling me she was still alive and doing well, and somehow the pain in my back seemed tolerable. I can deal with physical pain – it’s nothing like the emotional pain of not having my little girl.

27 comments:

  1. Have a wonderful time at your shower and be sure and take lots of pictures! I'm sorry things didn't work out with your mom yesterday, but I hope for your sake things go well between you two today and maybe she can find the time to see you again before you leave.

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  2. Have so much fun today!! Try not to feel too guilty about the lunch date w/ your mom not happening. Guilt is a pretty useless emotion, imo! Don't waste your time on it :)

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  3. Have a happy day with those who wholey and truly love you!!!

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  4. I'm so very happy for you Alex! Soak in every minute of the shower today. Don't let anyone or anything ruin even a minute of it and have a blast :o) you've come a long way babe!

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  5. My shower was exactly a week ago, and I felt all these things... it was a very intense emotional day for me. It's weird being the center of attention, wanting to entertain and spend time with so many different people all together, and then the outpouring of generosity and excitement-- it was amazing to see how much everyone, especially my family, really wants to meet the girls. It was just straight-up awesome, followed by a day in which I felt completely hungover. Same with my wedding, really! Anytime I have a big day like that, it feels like an emotional hangover the next day.

    I really hope you have a blast today :)

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  6. Have a wonderful time at your shower...you deserve it!!!

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  7. Happy shower day. You deserve this happiness.

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  8. I am so happy that you have so many people in your life to love and help celebrate this long-awaited baby Alex! The wait definitely makes enjoyment of these moments so much sweeter (not that that makes the suffering worth it, by any stretch!). Enjoy-- cry if you feel the urge, and do your best to not worry about your mom (you can deal with her later, this is YOUR time!).

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  9. Ahh have a wonderful day with your family. Enjoy every minute of it!

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  10. Have a WONDERFUL shower and enjoy your day. You deserve this!!!

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  11. Enjoy your day hun....you deserve it :)

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  12. I hope that you had a fabulous day! You and baby Alex are loved, I am so happy you get to have such a wonderful experience!
    Xoxo

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  13. Enjoy your day girl, you deserve it! Can't wait to hear the dets.

    Sorry ot hear things with your mom didn't work out. I'm hoping she put on a happy face for your day today.

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  14. I hope it was amazing! And I hope all the love you were shown balanced the tough situation with your mom. Also, I'm pretty sure I cried most days of my pregnancy, and hey, still do! It's just so incredible!

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  15. I hope your shower was great, and I'm so happy that you're here!

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  16. Alex, I'm so glad you're here and I hope it was a wonderful shower, and that your mom was in good spirits and that everything worked out beautifully.

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  17. Happy shower!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats on this amazing milestone lovely lady!!!

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  18. Enjoy the moment! While a bit overwhelming, the memories are what matter the most. This is a special time in your life! So happy for you and your husband!

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  19. I hope you had a wonderful time!!! I'm so sorry things were stressful with your mother, but I hope you could look beyond it and celebrate!!

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  20. so happy to hear your doing well and at week 28! i hope the shower went well and that things with your mother ended up ok.

    still reading. sending you love and thoughts. xoxo

    -mare (from marejustbeginning.blospot.com --> for some reason blogger is not letting me comment while signed into my google account)

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  21. Glad you've shared your happy moments to your angel's baby shower!

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  22. Have a great time at your shower!

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  23. Wow!! I hope you had a great time at your shower! How special.

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  24. So awesome! though I'm sorry about the mom situation. I can't wait to hear about your shower! :)

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  25. I hope you were able to see your mom! ..:) How did the shower go? What did you get???

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