Thursday, September 29, 2011

Lightbulb Moment

We were at the childbirth class for the best of the four, the one that includes the hospital tour and the discussion of all the “interventions”. You know, all the stuff I plan to use in my upcoming birth process. So all of us were crammed into a birthing suite, which is actually pretty nice, and there were comments about husbands sleeping on the couch, and the night nursery which is available from 11:00 pm to 6:00 am (which I informed the hubs that we were not using), and changes of clothes, gowns and stuff. Someone then asked a question about how long after birth you can go home, and the instructor said minimum of 24 hours for vaginal birth, 48 hours for C-section, and plan on a day for labor, so plan on staying at least two nights. And that the nurses are available to help, but you really should plan on having a support person there during your whole stay. As we were leaving the room to go to the next spot on the tour, I asked the hubs, “So are you ready to make this a home for a few days?” He has this shocked expression on his face, and he responded, “My mom needs to come here and take care of the dogs!” Um what??? We talked about this months ago! I had asked if he feels very strongly about having her here for the birth, he said no, and I told him that my preference is to not have anyone fly in for the birth, because if his mom were to come, then my mom would need to be invited as well. And both of moms, or either of them, would stress me out to no end.

I told hubs that I already asked our dog-sitter to be on call, and she will be able to come stay at our house while we’re in the hospital, or at the minimum, stop by a few times each day. And that I agreed to have his mom come down a few weeks after the baby is born, but not prior. I think by then my stress level may be a little lower, and I will be able to handle being nice to his mom. I don’t think I could be trusted to be nice to anyone while I’m in the hospital, especially for long periods of time. Because she wouldn’t be content staying at our house, she would have to be with us in that room ALL DAY LONG!!!

Well it turns out that hubs finally figured out, for the first time this pregnancy, that giving birth is a multi-day process. Apparently his mother told him that she went into labor with him in the morning, went into the hospital, pushed for 15 minutes, and was home by the afternoon. And I guess that’s what hubs expects now! I let him know that either his mom has been telling him lies his entire life, or she’s highly abnormal. And this will not be happening with me. How did he not know this would take multiple days? Oh and then he said that it would be good to have her at our home when we got back from the hospital because we would be tired, and would want to rest. I informed him that resting is not really part of it – I plan to breastfeed, and I will need to be feeding her every 2-3 hours! He thought that I could just pump a bunch and fill up some bottles for the baby. On day 2.

OK, so now it becomes very evident why we’re going to all these silly classes. He has no clue! I have bought him books, and tried to talk to him about stuff, but he won’t read the books, as he only likes to read stuff online. So I’ve tried to send him articles about Dad’s role and such, but apparently it didn’t all click until this week. Suddenly he’s realizing that this might actually be hard! That there’s a lot of stuff to do to take care of a baby! That he won’t get as much sleep as he’s used to!

I have to laugh, and I’m glad we’re finally having these conversations. I knew he was pretty clueless, but wow. We have one more childbirth class, and then there’s a breastfeeding class, infant CPR, and infant care class. I’m so happy I’ve signed up for these – because it’s becoming more and more evident that they are very useful, if only to spark conversations!

On another note, hubs works for the best company ever when it comes to benefits. First, his insurance paid for most of the costs of this little IVF baby, and now we just found out that he can take 12 weeks of FMLA leave, and they will pay him 100% pay! No disability, no PTO, no nothing. Meanwhile I’m scraping together my PTO, disability and some part-time work at home to maximize my pay while I take time off, but he can take 12 paid weeks sometime in the first 12 months, as long as they’re in minimum 1 week increments! Have you ever heard of a company in the US doing this? And even better, his direct boss has two children, and he took off the 12 weeks for each of his kids, so he’s very supportive. So hubs is planning on taking a couple weeks off when Alex is born, and then a few weeks around Christmas, and then a month off when I return to work in January. I’m thrilled, as this is a month that I don’t have to put my baby in daycare when I go back to work! And we’re considering packing up the baby, our two dogs, and going to Colorado for a few weeks at Christmas. We could visit family and friends, and have help with Alex for awhile.

But my question to all the moms out there is: Am I crazy for putting two big dogs (who have handled the trip very well many times before, and are great, but are terrible in a hotel so we refuse to stay in a hotel with them) and a baby who will be about 6 weeks old into a van with all our stuff and making a trip that normally takes 16 hours? And how long will it take when you incorporate the additional stops that a baby requires???

22 comments:

  1. I took my munchkin to Ohio, a 17 hour trip, when he was around 4 months old. He rocked the trip, but he sleeps AHHHmazingly in the car seat, and I had my mom and sister and dad to help out on the trip. I think it is really going to depend on the personality of Alex and how comfortable you feel. If there is a direct flight, it may be better to put them in a kennel or have a sitter watch them and just fly. Because the recovery time from a long drive like that is pretty intense, and the baby doesn't care if you're tired!

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  2. Our son was 6 weeks old when we went to visit the in-laws for the first time since he was born. It's usually a 4 hour trip but it took 7. Plan for double the road time. :)

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  3. I had to laugh too at some of his assumptions, but it's kinda cute too. That's why we are the ones to pop out the babies. :) His mom was back home the same day she had him?? Wow!! Good luck on the trip if you decide to go.

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  4. Wow, good thing for those classes!
    Also good for you for putting your foot down about what you can and can't handle after birth!
    I am so jealous of your dh's pat leave plan, how amazing.

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  5. I have heard of this plan before- is his employer somehow based out of NJ? They have mandatory paid leave- for maternity AND paternity. I have also heard of paid bonding time. Not me though. I think it's awesome.

    His naivete is adorable!

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  6. I definitely understand your wanting to be close to family. I wanted nothing more than to have my newborn close to those I love, but after he was her I really just wanted to be home, to figure out a routine, to get to know him, to work on being a mama.

    Babies that young travel very easily though.

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  7. Wow, your husband's employer rocks! I hear you on the visitor thing. I didn't want any at the hospital and ended up with my inlaws. UGH, nightmare. I refused to have visitors for several weeks and it was a lifesaver. Breastfeeding was HARD and visitor was the last thing I needed. Stick to your guns and do what you need to do to feel comfortable.

    As for traveling, we did it when E was 10 weeks via plane. The travel part wasn't bad, but I totally did not anticipate how hard it would be for Elliot to be away from his routine. He had quite a few melt downs. I think it really depends on the baby though. Mine is not the least bit laid back. He's, what I'd call spirited (nicer term for fussy. LOL!), and seems to struggle with change.

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  8. I've gone on many long drives with small babies. I think your trip would be easy enough with a six week old if you make it a two day drive. Ditch the dogs and get a hotel. You can make good time by pumping in the car and feeding her via bottle, then take her out to burp her. Or you can commit an illegal act like me and feed her in the back while hubby drives. If you stop for every feeding and exploding diaper, the drive will take 21-22 hours rather than 16.

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  9. Wow, I think I want to quit and work for your husband's employer!

    It really is amazing how little men know about this process and how much we know. And, not just because we're TTC or pregnant or whatever -- I can't remember when I didn't know that you stayed in the hospital for a while after birth or that having a baby is difficult! Guys are clueless. Glad he's figuring these things out beforehand!

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  10. My experience was also that the info in the classes we took was pretty useless, but the way it changed our thinking about the reality of the event made it worthwhile. Glad he's getting his head around this one!

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  11. Not sure about the travelling. I guess it would depend on how the birth goes. If a c section, you may want to wait a bit. I guess just take it as it goes. It may take a long time.

    Also I found with breast feeding a newborn it is more like start feeding at 1, then that actually takes up to an hour (they are slow and there is usually a diaper change, then they are hungry at 3. So really I only got like an hour between feedings for the first few weeks. Good luck.

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  12. Kind of cute that your hubby is so clueless. But he would be totally shocked if it wasn't for these classes.
    Fantastic news about him having payed leave! We have this in Sweden as well, or you can split time how you like between but still. Great for him to have some time with little Alex as well.

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  13. funny! definitely avoid the moms, and everything else will fall into place.

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  14. i just traveled from toronto to northern bc with my 6 month old. the plane (7hours)was fine.......the drive (4 hours) was anightmare and actually took us 7 hours my babe hates the carseat!!! we stopped constantly. lots of babies like it though

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  15. That's funny about your hubby! Wow, great benefits - that is too awesome!

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  16. Oh wow - so glad you're getting the husband educated now, rather than being shocked after the baby has arrived! I am amazed about his job too - how wonderful that he has such amazing benefits and that you'll be able to avoid child care for that long! The Xmas holiday sounds great - although I've got no input on the whole travelling with dogs & baby thing. I will just wish you the best of luck and a peaceful journey when the time comes!

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  17. I am glad the classes offered something enlightening! Your husband will probably look back and laugh at the way he thought things would be!

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  18. The classes are seriously good for sparking those conversations. Also, I have to admit that I learned a hell of a lot myself from them (and, yeah, my husband was bowled over at several points...especially during those, er, really graphic videos...I don't think he'd ever conceptualized things to that degree).

    I say: stick to your guns about having those first few days to yourselves. Visits can happen later. And that's wooooonderful about the leave for your husband. My brother had something similar (which seemed strange as he works for a bank of all things, not your most progressive organization). Not everyone takes the whole time, but he's entitled to it. All the better that his boss did.

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  19. I don't think you're crazy. Life is an adventure. So sorry to hear about your friend's loss too. When Babe was a wee babe we traveled at night so as not to throw her sleep schedule off. Traveling when they are babies is easier, you just end up packing WAY MORE STUFF.

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  20. 1. your husband sounds like my husband. Just clueless.

    2. Trips are actually easier with babies who sleep a ton. As long as you can get back there and breastfeed (not in the front passenger seat) you should be fine....well you'll have to see how the dogs act around the new baby first, but you'll have a good idea before you go if they are going to be harassing her the entire time.

    3. I can't believe it's so close!1 I love your story and the fact that you are on your hospital tour about to welcome baby Alex home in the near future is the most wonderful news i've heard (read) all day!!

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  21. I had to laugh at your husband just a little - its so funny the ideas some people have about childbirth, he's not the only one!

    I wouldn't have a problem taking the baby on a trip at 6 weeks old but we've always done crazy things ;)

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  22. You'll be fine on the trip. At 6 weeks, there will be feedings and such, but also a lot of sleeping. You can sit in the backseat to make things easier. As for the dogs, are they good car travelers? We've traveled with our two dogs and it was fine. Sure I smelled like dog breath when we got to where we were going...but it was AOK. What's tough, is when the baby is a bit older - they want to move, etc.

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