I quit breastfeeding. After struggling with supply issues for five months, I quit last week. And I’m sad about it. My husband convinced me that there was something wrong with my milk, and that is the reason why Alex continued to throw up, long after a stomach virus would normally continue. I could have done an elimination diet, but I already was limiting most items that are usual suspects in dietary issues – dairy, spicy food, caffeine, etc. I could have, or should have, fought him more, and fought for continuing breastfeeding more, or at least pumped and dumped or froze the milk while we figured things out, but I didn’t. I gave up. It seemed to help Alex for a couple days, but she resumed throwing up so I know it wasn’t the breast milk… About quitting, I feel a little relieved, and a lot guilty. I’m disappointed in myself, but I’m trying to get over it. I’m trying to be proud of myself for lasting five months even with the supply issues. And learn for the next time, because hopefully I will get pregnant again, and breastfeed my child again, and last longer, hopefully for my original goal of one year. This is what I will do differently next time: pump more early, use herbs and maybe even domperidone from the beginning, rent hospital pump immediately, insist on lactation consultant help, get help from people other than my husband at home for the first couple weeks, and tell my husband to pound sand when it comes to anything about breastfeeding… Overall, I’m very glad I breastfed my baby girl for 5 months, I wish I would have done it longer, I hated the struggle every day about milk supply, I still don’t understand why my husband never supported me in breastfeeding, and I’m happy to have that chapter in my life OVER!
Now on to better things – my little Alex! I’m happy to report that she hasn’t thrown up since Sunday, and was able to go back to daycare yesterday. We went back to the doc on Monday, and the doc thinks that Alex’s sickness started as a stomach virus, but given that she was happy throughout it all, and would only throw up occasionally, that it may have transitioned into something else. We gave them a poop sample (digging around in a diaper for enough poop for a sample is something I never thought I would do, but strangely wasn’t a huge deal – the things we do as a mom…) and will get the results in a few days. But in the meantime the doc told us to try Enfamil AR, which has added rice and thickens in baby’s belly. Perhaps the thicker formula will stay in Alex’s belly better than other formula. So she’s been on that since Monday night. She hasn’t thrown any of it up, and she seems to like it, but she also seems very hungry! She gets pissed when she finishes a bottle, so I’ve increased the bottles to 6 ounces from 4-5, and I’m a bit hesitant to go over that, but I might tomorrow. In general she seems a bit grumpy – quick to be hungry, and angry when she’s done eating. She gets 6-7 bottles a day, at 5-6 ounces each – this is huge, right? She weighs a little over 15 pounds, and using the 2.5 times weight = ounces, it would be 37.5 ounces, so maybe that is right… I guess it’s good that she’s so hungry, it means she has her appetite back, and will gain some of the weight she lost while being sick. Maybe I should increase her bottles to 7 ounces and see what happens…
Before Alex got sick, she was starting to try solid foods a bit, and was figuring it out. We stopped solids while she was sick, so it’s been a couple weeks. I tried to give her oatmeal and squash last night, both of which she liked before getting sick, and she wanted nothing to do with it! I’m going to try prunes tonight, as I think the new formula is clogging her up – she hasn’t pooped since Monday, which could also be causing some of the fussiness. I gave her some apple juice last night and this morning to help with constipation, and she loved it! I know we should limit juice, but at this point, I just want her to poop! Or really anything so I can get my happy healthy baby back!!!
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It's totally understandable to be disappointed that you weren't able to breastfeed, but think about the positives and that you were able to do it for so long!! I wasn't able to do it that long, even BF at all, so you got me beat! :) I sure hope the doctor comes up with a solution for her getting sick, that can't be easy.
ReplyDeleteWE had the stomach virus a few weeks ago and ended up in the ER for dehydration. NO FUN. I'm sorry you had to quit nursing as a result of yours. NO FUN.
ReplyDeleteI know it's not how you planned...but so little about motherhood (or getting there) is how we planned. I stop breastfeeding at 5 months (for various reasons) and my son had issues with excessive spitting up (not reflux) so we started on Enfamil AR at the advice of our pedi. It really made a big difference for us (tip though, shake it and then really do let it rest about 10 minutes to fully dissolve. You may also have to go up in nipple flow--we use avent bottles and had to go up to size 4--fast flow--nipples). If she does like it and it works for you, experiment with the Target Up and Up version (orangish container)...it had the same results for us and was WAY cheaper. Hope that helps.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear your baby is doing better! It is so hard when they're sick.
ReplyDeleteIt is impressive that you breastfed so long with no support from your husband. If he was behind you, it would have been so much easier. I'm sorry that it didn't work out exactly how you wanted, but at least you have a game plan for next time!
Hi Alex,you did very well breastfeeding for so long given that not everyone is successful at it. Breastfeeding is really tough, I breastfed my four children from 10 weeks to six months. it was easier on my second- I relaxed more and supplemented with formula.This in itself kept me sane knowing that the baby was not hungry. Sit back and enjoy your baby. The hormones will settle as a result of finishing up too. You did a great job, take a bow, stop beating yourself up.
ReplyDeleteYou are fine! I've been doing this mothering thing for 7 years, and frankly, i have seen very few women breastfeed for an entire year (although I know so many who planned to). For various reasons, it often just doesn't work, either the mom has supply issues, or she ends up hating it, or whatever. Please don't feel guilty--society loves to place guilt on mothers for all kinds of things but it's something you just have to let go of. Motherhood is almost never what people expect, so you have to adjust your plans and expectations accordingly. You're doing a great job mama--don't let anyone tell you that you aren't.
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you, Alex. You did great. I like the plan for the next go and I feel like you made such a tremendous effort here. I'm hoping that your girl is over this bug and regains all the appetite soon. She's going to shoot up like a tree soon!
ReplyDeleteIm so angry and disappointed in your husband for not supporting you. I would have slapped mine for even suggesting that my milk wasnt the very best for my baby.
ReplyDeletebe proud of how long you did BF! any and all BM is wonderful for little Alex. =)
It is hard to read you beating yourself up, blaming yourself. I wish I could have been a little angel cheerleader on your shoulder all this time giving you encouraging and supportive words during this struggle. You did the best you could. And you didn't quit. So you're not a quitter. You are an amazing parent. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYou did what you could and that is all any of us can do. You did breastfeed and for quite some time...be proud!
ReplyDeleteI felt guilty too when I quit breastfeeding at 6 months, but you know what?, the guilt passes. You did the best you could and that's all that matters!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Alex is slowly starting to feel better. I hope she poops soon! Aside from the prunes, you can give her pears too. That has fiber in it and we still give Matthew the jar baby food pears. Good luck!
I think it's totally FINE to stop. At 5 months, Alex got the best of your BM. I am just sorry that you feel regrets about it. But you know what? Life is too sort for regrets! What with working full time and having supply issues, and with the lack of support at home, I am super impressed that you lasted 5 months. I think that's amazing, and you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for what you've accomplished.
ReplyDeleteYou did a wonderful job and should not regret any of it. You are doing what you need to do to make sure your little girl is as healthy and happy as possible. And, you pushed through so many struggles to make it happen.
ReplyDeletesweetie, you did awesome!!! Don't beat yourself up for a second for stopping. It's hard anyways, and it's really hard to do it while working full time, with issues, and without support. You did great.
ReplyDeleteHugs! You are a great mom and are doing a wonderful job!
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