My Little Weebles

Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!  This has been in my head all day.  On Monday, the nurse said that sometimes with twins the beta numbers wobble, but they recover.  Frankly, I didn't believe her.  I kept telling myself that the ultrasound looked good, that both embryos had a gestational sac that was measuring great - a day ahead!  But in the back of my head, I kept thinking of that 39% rise over 3 days, and it's just not good. 

Today I went in for another ultrasound and blood work, and the twins are still kicking!  Well not yet exactly, but it all looks good - mostly.  The ultrasound looks decent.  The nurse said they look good.  Both measured about 5 weeks, 3 days.  I'm 5 weeks, 4 days today.  They could see a yolk sac in both embryos.  And the beta came back, and it's high enough.  At my clinic, they stop telling you the number over 5,000.  It was 2,014 on Monday, and today (Thursday) it's over 5,000.  So I'm going to assume this is good - that it's high enough, and now we don't have to worry about the numbers!  I go back in on Wednesday, and hopefully I should see heartbeats then.

Once I started thinking about it, I am a little concerned about the growth rate of the embryos.  On Monday, they were measuring 5wk2d, and now they're measuring 5wk3d.  Not good that they had 1 day worth of growth in 3 days.  But there were two different nurses doing the ultrasounds, and I know we're talking millimeters here in difference.  Perhaps one nurse draws just inside the lines, and the other draws just outside?  I'm choosing to feel positive, and hopeful.  If I'm smoking crack (well not really of course...) please don't tell me.  I want to have this weekend of happiness. 

Speaking of this weekend, I'm just about as busy as I've ever been in my life, and I'm not sure how it will all get done.  I'm still in my full-time job until the end of next week, I have my sweet Alex, I'm leaving tomorrow to go to a family reunion, returning on Monday (flying with just Alex by myself - should be interesting.  Also I'm spending 3 nights with my mom - first time in YEARS - we don't have a great track record of getting along...), and to top it all off, I'm taking a faculty prep class that started on Monday and goes till next Friday.  This thing is KICKING MY ASS!  Every morning, I get up around 5 am (if I don't wake up at 3:00 - pregnancy insomnia has started) and work on the class until 6:30.  Then get ready, wake up Alex, get her ready and take her to school, then go to work at 8:00.  Leave that around 5:30, pick up Alex, give her dinner and put her to bed around 7, then eat something and work on my class till about 9, at which point I CRASH.  I'm exhausted.  I just don't know how I can keep going.  I have a huge essay that's due Sunday night, and somehow I'm going to have to figure out how to get this thing done while I'm at my mom's house and family reunion and taking care of Alex!  And I should probably stop writing this so I can go pack and go to BED!

But before I went to bed I wanted to let all of you know, all of you wonderfully supporting people that I'm so lucky to have in my life, that my little weebles wobbled, but they haven't fallen down!  When I found out that I was pregnant with twins on Monday morning, I have to admit, I was a little scared.  Three kids under two, I kept repeating to myself.  I didn't know how I was going to manage it all.  Yes, I was excited, but mostly overwhelmed.  But when I got the scary beta news Monday afternoon, all of that changed.  That is the one gift that infertility keeps giving us.  We realize just how precious this gift of children are.  One bad blood test, and the thought of losing my little gifts, my little scientific miracles, threw me into a tailspin when thinking about losing even one of them.  So although it was a scary few days, and I don't know if I will have scary days in my future, I am grateful for this experience.  Because now instead of thinking about how I will manage three kids under two, I am hoping beyond hope to have three kids under two.