Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Overwhelmed


Hello strangers!  I haven’t pulled up my blog or my blog reader in so long, it’s been weird not being a part of this world for the last month.  I just wanted to say a quick hello, let you guys know I’m ok, and apologize for falling off the map.

On November 1, I went part-time.  I went from working 40+ hours per week, to working about 16-25 hours per week, depending on the week.  Two days in the office, and the rest from home.  I dreamed about this day, and it’s been wonderful, but it came with some struggles that I didn’t anticipate.  Namely, I feel like I had less time to get stuff done than I did before!  Back when I worked full-time, I didn’t feel bad about taking lunch hours and even work hours to go to doctor appointments, do research of personal stuff online or on the phone, and write and read blogs.  Sure, it was spending work time on personal stuff, but it was very common, and there were certain weeks that I spent a lot more time than 40 hours per week doing work, so I felt like it made up for it.  My boss was happy with my work – no problems.  I spent the weekends doing household chores: laundry and cleaning.  And felt like I rarely spent time with Alex.  This was the problem, and why I changed my schedule.

Now, with my part-time schedule, I spend a lot of time with Alex.  And I love it.  We play and read books, and hang out just fine.  We’re closer than ever.  In fact, she no longer loves daycare.  For the first time in her short life, she occasionally cries when I drop her off at daycare.  And she follows me around the house, whining for me to pick her up.  I know some of it has to do with her age (13 months!) but also I think a lot of it has to do with spending more time with her, and getting even more attached to me.  I love it, but I also feel awful when I have to walk away from daycare in the mornings when she’s crying.  Crushes my heart to walk away…

But when do I do other stuff?  When do I take care of the house?  Here’s the problem.  The change in my job coordinated with the #1 worst symptom of my current pregnancy: EXHAUSTION!!!  I have never been so tired in my life.  From the moment I pull my nauseous self out of bed, shove food and a zofran pill in my face to make it better, to the moment I stumble into bed at the end of the day, I’m completely exhausted.  And so, instead of getting things done like household chores and paying bills during Alex’s naps, I find myself passed out in my own bed… 

And the other thing that has come up is we’re no longer talking about moving – we’re actually moving!  We’re scheduled to close on a house on 12/31.  So for the last week or so, there are no more naps for me, only packing like a frantic woman.  I’m trying to pace myself, and definitely not lift anything, but oh my god there is so much to do.  It doesn’t help (well I guess it will help a little) that we’re going on vacation next week, and then coming back and immediately moving so we can be in Colorado for Christmas, staying at the in-laws.  So everything must be done now, and I’m just exhausted. 

So on that note, I must go, as it’s the end of the work day, and I need to go pick up my baby girl.  She’s doing well (love watching her figure out so many things – she’s taken a few steps, and has a few “words” that she uses consistently).  My babies in my belly are doing well (11 weeks!  Holy cow – where has the time gone?  No problems except lots of nausea and I’m FUCKING TIRED!!!).  I’m excited about the new house, but I wish I could just wake up there, with all the stuff moved and unpacked.  Going through the process might just kill me.  And the hubs and I are doing well, except the financial thing is going to be tough.  (Among other things, I just found out that under his insurance, which I just moved over to now that I lost my full-time benefits, the Lovenox that I’m on for the pregnancy is $863 per month instead of the $7 I used to pay…)  Oh that, and the fact that he hasn’t yet found a job in Colorado yet.  I’m going to move there with Alex and the dogs, and be a single mom while he continues working in Texas and sells the house there.  Once he finds a job, he’ll move in with me, and I’m just hoping this happens before the twins get here or I go on bed rest or something, whatever happens first.  Oh, and I’m going to not only work part-time from home for my employer in TX but I also got the affiliate faculty job!  I won’t be teaching until fall, but I have to do a mentorship where I attend another faculty’s class and help him out.  All for a lovely stipend of $200….  So on top of working part-time at home (haven’t yet found a daycare that has availability), and taking care of Alex and the house by myself as well as unpacking, I will be attending classes every Wednesday night.  And did I mention I’m SO FUCKING TIRED???

I miss you guys – I’m hoping that at some point once I move I’ll be able to bring blogging back into my life.  But at this point, it’s just not happening.  Thinking of you all…

26 comments:

  1. Yikes! I'm tired just from reading all that! I hope things smooth out a bit (maybe hubby helps?).

    But I'm so glad to hear the 2 little ones are doing well and you +Alex are enjoying your time together!

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  2. JESUS! No wonder you're tired, I'm fucking exhausted just reading all of that. Hang on...this too shall pass!

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  3. Wow, I can just imagine the exhaustion of taking that all on at once! I have my Anastasia (15 months now!) and I'm busy and tired enough without moving or growing twins!

    I have a month's worth of Lovenox you can have for free if you want it. Just shoot me an email if you're interested - send to thenomadsland at yahoo dot com because I don't check cradlesandgraves very often.

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  4. Holy cow. It's amazing how much crap you are responsible for when you write it down. My thoughts...a) I vote for you calling in the troops to help you pack and b) hiring someone to come in once a week to help you clean if you could swing it. Glad to see you back! xxx

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  5. Wow, Alex!! This is exciting but crazy. Definitely keep prioritizing those naps!

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  6. I'm so glad to hear from you and that things are good and even better things are in the works!! It's so wonderful that everything is falling into place and that you're able to spend so much time with Alex!! Please keep us posted! Miss you!

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  7. Holy crackers! You are one busy lady! I am glad to hear how positively this whirlwind seems to be spinning, and even happier just to hear how you are doing! Was starting to worry girl... :) xoxo to you guys in the coming crazy weeks!

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  8. Wow.

    I am tired just reading it and I don't have to do anything.

    It will be worth it in the end, but holy shit it is going to suck for awhile. I hope it goes by quickly and that it is everything you know it will be!!!!

    Glad to hear you are doing well with the pregnancy though!!!!

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  9. WOW! How exhausting. So many big changes. I am very happy for you!

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  10. WOW! That's a lot going on. Sending you lots of energy, hope the move goes well!

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  11. I have been thinking about you the last few days and even checked your blog a few days ago to see if I had missed an update. YOu are BUSY- no wonder you haven't had time to blog. I can't believe you are already 11 weeks- wow! So thrilled the babies are doing well. I'm so glad you are able to spend more time at home with Alex now- it is totally worth it! Good luck on your upcoming move and update when you can. Hugs!

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  12. Congratulations on the house!! So happy you, Alex, the twins and the hubs are all doing great! Im sure everything will turn out fabulously!! XOXO Lots of hugs and strength

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  13. YAY for moving to CO!! I'd love to meet up some day. :)
    I totally hear ya on the work thing - when I went back to work, my productivity at home greatly increased, I think b/c I knew I only had x minutes to get A/B/C/D all done, so I was super efficient. I'd still rather be home playing with Stella.

    Glad to hear all is well with the pregnancy, even if you're feeling run down. I hope the extra energy kicks in soon!!

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  14. WHOA, girl! There's a lot going on with you! congrats on 11 weeks, the new house, the new job, all of it!

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  15. Congrats on all the new great stuff!! I hope things settle down for you soon & that you get some energy back! I've missed you! Glad to hear you are hanging in there! xoxo

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  16. Woah, you have so much going on! All good things, but my goodness, so overwhelming. I'm crossing my fingers for you that the second trimester brings some relief in the energy department!

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  17. Wow, sounds like you are so busy and exhausted!! I'm so happy that you get to spend more time with Alex. Sorry to hear about the insurance change. Have you thought about looking on line to see if anyone would has any lovenox they can donate (like some of the ivf drugs). Good luck with the move (and everything else)!

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  18. I'm sorry, but after reading that, I just have NO idea how you could possibly be as tired as you say. ;) You poor thing! I've been wondering how you're doing (and obviously am a few days behind in catching up with everyone's blogs myself) and am glad that things are going well. I can't believe you're 11 weeks already! You've got lots on your plate, all the best of luck with everything and I hope you'll be able to pop in and update again... eventually. You know, when you're LESS TIRED. In like, another two years. ;)

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  19. That does sound totally exhausting. I hope the logistics fall into place soon so you have your husband with you and everything moved and maybe the exhaustion phase passes.

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  20. Tired, yup. Don't worry, you'll get your energy back before your belly gets big and you tire again, lol. It's how it goes, the days are long but the months are short. Having 1 kiddo makes the 2nd pregnancy pass quicker. I googled the local Mom Of Multiples (M.O.M.) chapter in my area and for a small fee you network with others close by, swap toys and clothes, save a bundle on infant gear etc. As for buying new we never do that except for cribs and car seats. One of our twins liked a swing and the other one liked nothing, haha. SO before rushing out and buying a ton, kinda wait till you have them or buy used so your not out a lot of cash in the beginning. The items we recommend are swaddle blankets (just the huge squares, not the pre-fold ones), pacifiers, and hired/family help the 1st couple of weeks. Also, we bought Babe a doll she could swaddle, feed, and change diapers on and that made her feel included. My friend who has 3 under 18 months recommended a good electric double breast pump, a family member moving in to help the first month and a co-sleeper.

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  21. I know this isn't in your budget, but maybe you can squeeze it in because it will be soooo worth it: pay to have someone come pack up your house. When we moved to Texas, my employer paid to have someone come pack us up and move us here. The only thing we had to do was pack the stuff we wanted to take with us and get here.

    I hope your husband finds a job quickly. I think having an address in the area will help the search. If they think they have to relocate you, they will be more inclined to pass him over, even if he is what they are looking for.

    Good luck girl!

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  22. Hope things are going well for you and you are started to get settled and into a routine! Happy New Year!

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  23. Hi! I'm trying so hard to get my blog back up and I started reading some blogs tonight. Twins!! So happy & excited for you, what wonderful news! And part time is so much better. I do 3 days in the office 2 at home and it is wonderful. Twins are so much fun, exhausting and fun. Glad you and Alex are doing well.
    Michelle

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  24. HOpe all is still going well. I can only imagine how crazy busy and hectic your holiday season was! HOpefully, you are past teh utter exhaustion phase and things are moving smoothly along for ya'll!

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