Thursday, September 8, 2011

Woohoo!!!

I’ve talked in the past about my BFF. She’s the one who declared me an IF mentor in April 2010, after she had been TTC for almost a year and finally went to the RE. Since April 2010, she did Clomid for a few months, had two IVF’s and an FET. She skipped IUI’s because her doctor doesn’t recommend them for anyone over 40. During her first IVF, which was around the same time as mine, she had a chemical pregnancy – very low numbers, not doubling, took a long time for her numbers to go to zero so she could try again. Her second IVF didn’t work at all, but she had two frozen embryos from that cycle. This was going to be her last try – she felt like she had to use her frozen embryos before she gave up. But she wasn’t hopeful. When they thawed her two embryos, one of them didn’t make it – it didn’t start growing. So her doctor who normally recommends transferring three embryos for women over 40 gave her a choice: go through with the transfer of the one not-so-good looking embryo, or save the money and try again. She knew that she was done with fertility treatments – she hated the whole process – so she figured that even though the doc wasn’t very hopeful, he may as well transfer the one embryo so she could be done.

Everything was against her – she’s 41, her sole embryo didn’t look good, she had no symptoms, she was done with treatments. I talked with her on Sunday, the day before the results came back from her 2nd blood test (her clinic doesn’t tell patients anything after the first blood test, only after the second blood test shows that it’s increasing appropriately) and she wasn’t hopeful. I asked her to text me the results on Monday, and she said she would, in between beers and cigarettes…

I didn’t hear from her on Monday, and I didn’t call her either. I figured I would give her some time to grieve – I really didn’t think it would work! On Tuesday, I emailed her, but no response. I was trying to be respectful of her grieving process… But Tuesday night, I got a phone call, and she said, “Does Alex want a cousin?” Holy shit! It worked! Just goes to show all you ladies – you never know. All signs could be pointing to things not working, and it can turn out positive!

She’s over the moon excited, and I am too. Not only so that she can have her baby after everything she has gone through, but I’m also very excited for our friendship. There were times in the last few months that I knew that it was hard for her to talk to me. We would go weeks without her returning my calls, which would never happen in the years that we’ve known each other and been friends. She would apologize, claiming that she’s busy, but I know that it was sometimes hard to talk to me. In our conversations, I would never bring up my pregnancy, and only talk about it if she asked me questions, which she did quite a bit. I always tried to steer the conversation back to her, to work, to something else, but it was hard. After her last failed IVF, she said, “I really hope we can continue to be friends even if IVF never works for me.” And I told her I hoped so. I don’t think it ever would have come to that, but it still was concerning, as things between us were harder.

On Tuesday after she told me she was pregnant, it was just like it used to be. Both of us couldn’t stop talking, and it was fabulous. She asked me lots of questions about early pregnancy, and dates and such, and then told me that she was going to be high-maintenance. She would need me for all kinds of support during her pregnancy. This couldn’t have made me happier!

And yet… I can’t stop thinking that she’s too excited, that she’s naively assuming there’s going to be a baby at the end. I just want her to get to the second trimester so the risk of miscarriage is lower. She knows that there’s a chance – she saw what I’ve gone through, her sister has had two miscarriages in between her successful pregnancies, and her doctor told her that the risk of miscarriage is higher for older women, but she’s not thinking of this. All she can think about is that in May, she’s going to have a baby! Which is what she should do – I’m certainly not going to bring this up (thank goodness for not telling anyone my blog address!), and I’m going to try to be as positive as possible when I speak with her. But I’m scared. Because I don’t want anything to ruin this happiness for her.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to be happy for her, and talk about raising our babies together (long-distance, of course – we haven’t lived in the same state since 1997!). I have been hoping for a pregnancy for her for so long, and now it finally happened. Like she said, we both will have our babies from frozen embryos – how perfect is that!

17 comments:

  1. That is a wonderful story! Yay for your friend. I'm sure it was really difficult for her to talk to you for a while. I can completely understand that. But I'm so glad that you guys are still connected. Yes, it's a scary thing right now but she's right to live in the moment. I was such a mess during my very brief pregnancy. I tried to stay level headed but the excitement just took over and I let myself get carried away...but I'm glad I did. I know that might sound crazy, but I wish I would never have had any doubts. The times that I let myself enjoy the BFP were the best times in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your friend that she gets her May baby as it would be a very uplifting story.

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  2. What great news!!! how nice to reconnect!

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  3. What exciting news for your friend! Now you guys can enjoy it all together. I wish you guys the very best. It's great to have a gf through all of this. Now you can give her all sorts of advice!

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  4. Wonderful!! Congratulations to your friend and Alex having a cousin on the way! lol alex will be here before we know it anyway!! I can't wait to see this little diva make her GRAND entrance into the world!!

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  5. How fantastic! I'm so happy for this total stranger. And yeah, though my mind went to the same place ("It's way too early to be so excited!"), I like what TeeJay said--maybe throwing caution to the wind is the smartest policy after all! So hopeful that everything goes perfectly for both of you!

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  6. Great news!! I am so happy to hear about successful IF people. Hugs to your friend for me!

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  7. I am so happy for her, and for you, and I am so anxious for her to safely reach the 2nd tri!!!

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  8. When I was in the middle of IVF I HATED when people said "It only takes one!" but I'm so glad that in this case it really was true! Of course all of us who've experienced loss worry for others who are pregnant. There are no guarantees even past the 1st trimester. But good for your BFF if she is ablr to just enjoying every moment. If all goes well, her whole pregnancy can be joyful. Imagine that!

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  9. It's so fantastic to see another sucess story, but I can understand your reservations for your friend. It sucks that we know all too well that pregnancy doesn't always equal baby. I can imagine what a relief it must be for your friendship as well and how fantastic to be able to do the fun crazy pregnancy talk with someone who can understand the struggle it took to get there - lucky you and your friend! Keeping fingers crossed that she has a really boring pregnancy.

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  10. Congrats to your friend! It is hard knowing what we know. I am hopeful that both of you will get your healthy take home babies!

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  11. Great news for your friend. Having gone through infertility treatments with no success, I do find it hard to remain very close friends with someone when they first find out they're pregnant...so I know it was tough for her as it was tough on you when you were going through treatments. I never do it on purpose, but jealousy and sadness just rears its ugly head...I'm happy for both of you! This is a wonderful journey you're both on! And, you really are a great friend :)

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  12. Fantastic news for your friend!! I know I know...we are the cautious ones...but if she's happy and naive maybe that's all she needs to be right now. I hope she won't be abruptly shaken by reality and in fairness...it may just be the right one!

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  13. That's wonderful! I hope so much this works for her!

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  14. Great news for your friend! I know. It's so hard to watch others get excited early on and only be able to think about what it might be like for them if they experience the same kind of loss we have. But I'm not really sure you can tell someone about that. They wouldn't understand it the same not having gone through it themselves anyhow. Just crossing my fingers for her and hoping all is going well for you!

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  15. Oh my gosh! That's wonderful!!! I hope things keep going well for her. That's a great story! Gives me hope!

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  16. How super cool is that!!! I'll keep sticky preggo baby thoughts in mind for your friend. Yeah babies!!!

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