Phew! And one year ago...

Seven weeks after returning to work, we finally finished our yearend deadline. Ah, the life of an accountant… So I’m hoping that I now will have some more time for blogging. Sorry for being so behind on catching up on blogs – I’m hoping I can catch up in the next week!

Things are going amazingly well at home and at work. I was very lucky to be able to arrange at-home care for little Alex for the first six weeks after returning to work. My MIL took care of her the 1st week, we hired a friend as a nanny for two weeks, and then the hubs did Daddy Daycare for 3 weeks. I was a little worried about how it would go, but it was amazing! I highly recommend this for every father out there, even if it’s for a week. He is very lucky to have paid paternity leave from his company, but even if they have to take vacation, it is definitely worth it for dads to be completely responsible for their babies when the moms go back to work for at least a week! I came home every day, and took over baby care from him, and we had nice evenings together. He made dinner almost every night, and took care of (almost) everything at home. He even got some painting and landscaping done during naps. Yes, the house was a little messy, but I’m working on relaxing my standards a bit, and just being ok with a little messiness. Because the only thing that’s important is taking care of Alex. We are grateful for our maid that comes in once a week, and I am now paying her a little more as we’re messier than we ever have been, and she’s doing a great job for us. I was worried about hubs returning back to work, and just going back to his old method of not doing anything, but we talked about this before he returned, and he has taken on complete responsibility of washing bottles and preparing them for daycare every evening. Just to have him take on this job makes everything better. I know that he is contributing to the care of Alex, and this is something that he can do even if he comes home late. And he admitted that before Daddy Daycare he was unsure of what needed to be done, and he didn’t realize how much had to be done, so he’s happy to help now. We haven’t fought in weeks – it’s awesome!

Alex started daycare on Tuesday. She has been doing great, and I’m proud to say that I didn’t cry at all this morning (unlike the first few days)… The first day was awful. I had a list of things I was going to tell them in the morning, and I just started crying hysterically so I had to run out of there. I didn’t want Alex to see me crying like that. I went back at lunch, and of course she was sleeping. But the daycare folks were nice, and very understanding of my tears – I’m sure they see it a lot. They seem to be really good to her, and tell me every day how happy she is at daycare. And I love the director, who seems very involved in everything. I wish I could spend more time with Alex, but if I have to send her to daycare, I’m very happy with my choice of places.

Breastfeeding is still going. I started taking domperidone about a month ago, and it helped a little. Just like herbs and other stuff, I had this dream of waking up one day with leaky breasts and a ton of milk, but that of course never happened. I’ve been fighting this milk supply issue for over four months, and it’s exhausting! I went to a La Leche League meeting a couple weeks ago, and they gave me some really good advice. After listening to all that I’ve been doing to increase my supply, and my pump and feeding schedule, and hearing how frantic I am about my supply, they told me to relax. I never had the ease of breastfeeding, considering I’ve been supplementing and nursing and pumping since day 3 of Alex’s life. So it is all difficult. They told me that I won’t be able to keep up this frenetic pace, and I show signs of breastfeeding burnout. They said it’s more important to keep nursing a little for longer than it is to have a certain amount of ounces now. So do whatever I can to make it easier on myself. And nurse more – let go of the pump some. I’ve been getting up in the middle of the night to pump, and they said to stop doing that. For the first time, I had people who are obviously very pro-breastfeeding telling me to stop trying so hard to increase my supply. And it was so nice to hear! Or maybe it’s the first time I received permission to relax, and I actually listened. What they said makes so much sense. So now I have no idea how much I’m making (I still think it’s around 20 ounces max) but I’m focusing more on the relationship and intimacy aspects of breastfeeding, which got lost in the milk supply issues. They even suggested stopping pumping at work if it will keep me nursing longer, but I haven’t done that. Amazingly, I can still get work done during pumping sessions (and now I’m going to use that time for blogging) so I don’t feel like I need to stop pumping at work. But I’m going to try to stop using my pump at home, except for a late night session right before I go to bed. Using this kind of schedule makes it so much easier on me, and I get to focus on that adorable little grin that she gives me when nursing, causing milk to spill out of her mouth. Love that!

We took our first flight together this past weekend. We went to Denver for a short trip for a friend’s baby shower and to see everyone, and Alex was great! I recently purchased an Ergo carrier, and I love it! The Bjorn was nice when she was little, and I used the Moby some when she was little too. But now that she’s bigger, I don’t really like either of those. But the Ergo is fantastic! At four months, Alex is too excited with the world to be able to sleep on the go. But I was able to put her in the Ergo, pull up the little hood thing to block off the world, and she was able to get some good naps in while I was at a happy hour with friends! What a fabulous invention! Plus it helped in the airport and on the plane. As we boarded, one guy a couple rows back made some comment, “Oh great!” when he saw us board. But I’m happy to say that little Alex didn’t cry or scream or anything! I just gave the guy a big smile at the end of the flight…

All in all, things are going really well for us. Alex is healthy (which I hope continues now that she has started daycare), the hubs and I are doing really well, and we’re all figuring out our new schedule which involves daycare and working. This is the life I dreamed of, and I’m so thankful that I get to live it!


One year ago today (wow, I just realized it is one year), I found out about this little one I now call my daughter. I peed on a stick, and my whole life changed. I was so scared that my pregnancy wouldn’t last, and so I spent much of my pregnancy waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I get to hold my baby girl and know that one year later, my dream has come true. I am a mother to the most amazing little girl I’ve ever seen. She made it all worth it – all the heartache, the months of trying with no success, the treatments, and even the pain of losing my babies. I wish I had those babies, but then I wouldn’t have my little Alex. And she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would do it all over again, as long as I can have her in my life. This is a pic I took of her on her first day of daycare, and I look at it all day long. This smile keeps me going.