I have a plethora of family members, thanks to being a child of divorce as well as being adopted. Let’s see, I have seven parents (mom, dad, step-mom, step-dad, birth mom, birth dad, and birth step-mom (I guess that’s what you would call it!)). And I have five siblings that I know of (half-brother (guy I grew up with, not related by blood since I was adopted but dad’s son from his first marriage), step-brother and step-sister from my step-dad, step-brother from my step-mom, and half sister (blood relation) from my birth mother but I’ve never met her). I think there’s another half sister somewhere out there from my birth father, but he gave her up for adoption too. Anyone confused yet? But with all these siblings, I don’t have anyone with whom I’m close. I grew up with my brother (half-brother, dad’s kid with first wife), so that’s the only one with whom I’ve had a real relationship, but we don’t talk much. I haven’t seen him in probably seven or eight years. When I was 12, and he was 16, he ran away from our home to live with his mother in California. Once he got there, he got into drugs and such, and ended up in jail and then rehab. He has bounced around jobs, girlfriends, and rehab since. We now keep in contact via Facebook, but I just found out on Facebook that he visited his mother (dad’s first wife) in Houston, THE TOWN I LIVE IN, for a week – last week! And he didn’t contact me. And his mother, whom I’m also friends with on Facebook, didn’t contact me either! Both of these people know that I live here, and I’ve expressed interest in getting together with his mother, but no, they didn’t call me at all. I’m hurt, and so disappointed that I had the opportunity to see my brother again, but for some reason they didn’t think to contact me.
I wish I could say I was surprised, but I guess I’m not. We haven’t had a relationship in a long time. Really since he ran away when he was 16. I used to look up to him, and because we lived in the mountains away from many people, we hung out together, more than the typical brother/sister four years apart. He was my true brother for eight years (age 4 when I was adopted through 12 when he ran away), and I miss him. It’s now 24 years later, but I miss having my brother in my life.
I’ve always been jealous of those with close sibling relationships. It’s good to have someone in your life that will always be there, and you can be more yourself with than your parents. Also when our parents leave our lives, which inevitably happens with time, our siblings will still be around. I technically have five (maybe six) siblings, and I’m not close with any of them. This makes me sad, and I wish for something different for my Alex. I hope she can have siblings in her life, and that she is close with them. I hope she develops relationships with them that will last a lifetime.
I needed this reminder this week. Once again, the hubs is not helping out at home. He was really good after his three weeks of Daddy Daycare, but somehow he forgot what he learned while home with Alex, that it takes a lot to run our household. And maybe I got too reliant on him helping out around home, because I asked for something unusual – sleeping in on a weekend morning. He has slept in almost every weekend morning since Alex has been born, but I haven’t done it once. I won’t go into all the details, but it did not go well – at all. And since then I’ve been back to my status of single mom with a husband, because he got pissed and he shows his anger by not doing anything. Which sucks. The first place that my mind goes to is I will not do this again – I won’t have another baby and have to take care of everything by myself. For a couple of days, I kept repeating in my head that I won’t have another baby – it’s too much work by myself. But then, I saw that Facebook update about my brother being here in Houston, and I realized that I want something better for my child. I want her to know the joy and companionship that a sibling can bring to her life. And that to deny her this because I don’t want the additional work that will come with another baby when I don’t have a husband who helps out much is selfish. And so I will continue with our plan: after Alex is a year old, at which time I will finally quit breastfeeding, I’ll go back to the RE and arrange an FET. We are so lucky to have five frozen embryos waiting for us, and I will do my best to turn those into a baby. (But what if I have twins or more? Can you imagine the work involved with multiples AND a toddler? Oh God, someone talk me off a ledge…)
Of course, this all assumes that I can have another baby, which we all know is a BIG assumption…