Monday, October 22, 2012

Rollercoaster of Infertility


This was all going too well.  My first FET after pregnancy, it worked like a charm.  Almost too much of a charm – twins!  I’m overwhelmed, scared, and yet very VERY excited.  The ultrasound looked great: 2 sacs, measuring a day ahead.  And then, I got my blood results, and it all came crashing down – maybe…  Why oh why do we measure everything so specifically???  And so often, and so early?  I know that’s what all the fertility docs do, but ugh – this sucks. 

Here are my numbers:
HCG Friday 10/19: 1,453
HCG Monday 10/22: 2,014 (rise of 39% in 3 days)

Estradiol Friday 10/19: over 2,000 (they don’t give the number over 2,000)
Estradiol Monday 10/22: 656 (at least a drop of 67%)

Progesterone Friday 10/19: over 40 (they don’t give the number over 40)
Progesterone Monday 10/22: 38.1 (at least drop of 5%)

The estradiol and progesterone numbers aren’t that concerning, but why are they dropping?  The big thing is why aren't my HCG levels rising appropriately???  I spoke with the nurse, and she said with twin pregnancies, HCG levels can wobble a bit.  And no, it’s not rising like they would expect, but sometimes this happens.  Either (a) both are fine and we’ll see the numbers take off soon, (b) one pregnancy isn’t doing well but the other is fine, or (c) both aren’t fine.  Um yeah, I could have probably figured out those different scenarios myself.  So now we wait, and see what Thursday’s blood work and ultrasound say.  She did stress that the most important thing is the ultrasound showed two sacs that are measuring great, but still, I can’t help but worry about those HCG levels… 

I hate the rollercoaster of infertility.  

36 comments:

  1. Ugh, Alex, I'm sorry you're on the roller coaster. :( I often feel like our information overload makes things a million times harder emotionally because of all the "what ifs" the numbers create in our heads. I hope that Thursday will bring some reassurance. Thinking of you!

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  2. Oh sweetie, all that information and you wish you could just enjoy the highs of your good news and not stress about the rest. I hope everything is going just fine and the nurse is right about wobbly numbers in twin pregnancies. I also hope the next few days go by quickly for you so you can get some more answers. Sending you lots of love!

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  3. Ack, I was just congratulating you and now this! Praying that everything is fine and the numbers are just being tricky. I agree that the ultrasound is the most important bit of info, but I feel your pain in the uncertainty the other numbers give you.

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  4. I'm sorry Alex! The uncertainty in this phase is so, so hard. I hope Thursday brings great news.

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  5. Wow, that is a lot to take in. I really hope it is A.

    IF is one big rollercoaster that I would name bitch slap. That's how you feel when you are on it.

    Thinking of you until you get more info on Thursday.

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  6. UGH! I commented on your earlier post, but for some reason my comment never showed up. I really would not worry about the progesterone or estrogen at all. Progesterone can vary significantly day-to-day or even throughout the day.

    I'm sorry the hcg levels aren't rising appropriately, but with two sacs looking so great, I'd bet everything is just fine. Twin pregnancies can be crazy and "normal" doesn't always mean the same thing with twins.

    My first hcg was only 68 at nearly 14dpo.

    Hang in there. I know Thursday feels like an eternity right now, but you can do it! Hope you can reassuring news then.

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  7. OH NO!!! I'm so sorry....this ride is not always fun and sometimes you just want to get off the ride.....I'm sure this is one of those times. Hoping and praying for you!

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  8. I'm sorry to read this, Alex. Unfortunately, I rode the same ride 2 years ago and I know it's no fun. However, I do think you'll be bringing a baby home from this cycle. Hang in there.

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  9. I'm so sorry things are so uncertain right now, sometimes too much information is too much stress.... Hoping you get fantastic news on Thursday!!

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  10. ugh! i read the last post first and was like "omfg amazing!!" and now i read this one and i'm so irritated about the uncertainty. hang in there my friend. there will be a takehome baby from this cycle. i'm just pulling for it to be 2 instead of 1, since we started out with 2 sacs here. hope thurs gets here before you can think about things too much. mucho hugs my friend :o)

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  11. damnit. I would be worried too, but is that because there's something to worry about, or because we're just worriers by nature? I guess only time will tell, right? This will be resolved quickly, you'll be able to see heartbeat(s) within the next week or so. thinking of you.

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  12. So true, nothing can be easy for us. I have heard of this happening before and all worked out okay. I am not sure why it happens and it must be very concerning to experience. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
    Take care

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  13. Ugh, so frustrating,and scary... I'm sorry.

    I had a vanishing twin that made my beta's and P4 kinda wonky... But remember Progesterone fluctuates all the time.

    Thinking of you.

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  14. I had a strange "doubling...sorta" situation with HGB, and beta wad only 58 at 14 dpo. It's SO tough not to question everything because we cannot forget what we know. I wish they could do another one for you on Wed instead of Thurs for a little peace of mind. Thinking of you. Xoxo

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  15. You really are on a roller coaster. I hope this is a case of a twin pregnancy being wobbly. Nothing is simple or easy. Thinking of you.

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  16. I just read both posts. First- congratulations! How very exciting! Second- I pray that both little ones are just fine and that numbers are just numbers. I am sorry this is such a roller coaster- it sucks. Praying hard for you!

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  17. I'm going to throw out that beta. I hope that everything is fine and the next ultrasound proves that the labs were bad. I know how freaked you are and am here to help, dear. Hang on. It might look weird right now, but its not over. Okay? Leave the worry. There will be time for that if it parts that way. A great scan is huge.

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  18. Oh no! Now you have to wait til Thursday? Aye aye aye! Yes, this rollercoaster can be a real mess with the mind. Hold on tight, ok?

    xoxoxo

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  19. Oof, it really is more than a two-week wait, isn't it? Hoping for better and better news!

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  20. I have a twin pregnancy with my first. One pooped out around 5 weeks but the other is 5 now and reading. It was wierd but ok for me. I wish you the best.

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  21. Damn numbers... Of course you worry my dear I would too. Bun it is true that twin pregnancies are strange for numbers, and I agree that the most important thing is that you have seen two sacs measuring great, if you had not done the blood tests you wouldn't have worried one bit! I'm of curse crossing everything I have for a great scan and shooting numbers on Thursday, my dear, really rooting for you. Fran

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  22. I agree - the numbers game is such a bitch to play!! It sounds like it could be a case of a vanishing twin, but the rise is certainly encouraging regarding getting at least one take home baby (and I don't say that lightly because I, too, had a vanishing twin early on and it hurt like hell).

    I also agree with what SRB said about getting the repeat beta on weds instead of Thursday. I REALLY do not like your clinic's policy of getting them the same day but not getting results until afterthe u/s. I think it's better to have some idea of what you're going to be seeing ahead of time. I'd push for the test tomorrow instead.

    Thinking of you and hoping you still get to worry about having double trouble!

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  23. Oh God, I hope you are staying away from Dr. Google and just trying to stay calm. This shit sucks-- I think anyone with a history of pregnancy loss deserves to have absolutely NO wobbles of any kind in subsequent pregnancies. Unfortunately, the Universe is kind of a bastard that way... but fortunately, it often turns out just fine. I'm also hoping hard that this is just a case of information overload. Huge hugs to you.

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  24. I'm sorry hun! I still think your numbers look great *hugs* Praying for you and your twins!! I feel very positive for you!

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  25. shit. Yes, stay away from google right now. Ultrasound looked good, let that give you some hope and hold tight until the next beta and see what that brings you. The really good thing is both sacs were in the ute, so we know it's not ectopic (one of my fears with betas not doubling properly). Everything crossed for you that everything looks good at the next blood draw.

    Sending you hugs and strength as you wait for the next test. FX FX FX

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  26. Congratulations on your news. Hang in there as you wait.Wishing you the best.

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  27. My doc just wanted my Progesterone to be over 20, so definitely try not to worry about that number.
    As for the beta numbers...ugh... who knows. Like you said, we test so much so early... now you're stuck in another waiting game, but I'll be praying for you that at least one of those embryos sticks around for the long haul!!

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  28. Oh sweetie, I"m sorry you have this extra stress!! Hope Thursday gets here fast for you so that you can see your twins and know that they are growing fabulously!!

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  29. Congratulations!!! TWINS! As for the numbers, I agree with everyone else - stay AWAY from Dr. Google! I'll be crossing my fingers for only fabulous news ahead. :)

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  30. Thinking of you and your little ones! I hate this uncertainty and anxiety! Hopefully the next numbers will pull it all back to certain. Much love your way.

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  31. Oh. Wow. Twins?! Craziness! I hate that you have this worry and uncertainty. Why can't things just be black and white, yes or no? I like that the nurse spelled out the only 3 possibilities. It's good news though that they are both a day ahead. Super early u/s are a mind-f*ck. If you don't see something it could just be too early. If you do, it doesn't mean things are perfect.

    I'm praying that things work out well and you keep at least 1 of those miracles!

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  32. Oh boy, you're right that this is a roller coaster. Hang on tight! It's not over til it's over. I definitely agree that the super early monitoring often does nothing but create anxiety.

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  33. Alex, just stopping by to send you my good thoughts (and a firm, virtual hug). You're right about the perils of measuring every thing:( I hope it's just a wobble, and a minor one at that.

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  34. UGh, ugh Ugh. This blows. I'm sorry for the freaking uncertainty, and I'm praying that both of your little ones are ok.

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  35. Just catching up on your last couple posts. Praying things are going well and you are feeling good!!!

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  36. Just checking in to let you know I'm thinking of you tonight. Hoping you're well :)

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