Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thanks, and OB Appointment

First, I want to thank you all so very much for the comments I received on my letter to my birth parents. It was so hard to write, and even hard to read (I cry every time). And I debated putting it on my blog. But I’ve always tried to be super honest here, and this strange little public place I call my blog has become so safe to me – because of you guys that read my words. I put this letter out there, and I was so vulnerable, not knowing what the response would be. But y’all gave me so much love and support, I can’t thank you enough. I read the letter out loud to my therapist, which was so hard. Through my sobs, I finally got it out. And I felt relief after doing this. I still don’t know what to do with my relationship with my birth parents. I’ll probably keep the one that I have with my birth mother the same – Christmas cards and pictures, although I hope to do more pictures of my little one brewing inside me. But I would like to reconnect with my birth father. Perhaps sometime this summer I can muster up the courage to call him and start talking again. We’ll see… But in the meantime, I’m so happy to have all of you in my life, standing beside me as I work through all these things in my life. Thank you.

I had an OB check-up today. It was my first visit without an ultrasound, and it definitely wasn’t as cool. He did the Doppler, and the little one is still alive and has a heartbeat – 145 today. Although I could have told you that – the Doppler at home told me so! I told someone at work that I was having an appointment, and he asked me how it went. I think he was a little surprised when I responded happily, “The baby is still alive!” I forget that other people, normal people, just assume that the baby keeps living. But when you have gone to an appointment and the doc tells you that your baby is no longer living, it’s no longer a given, is it? Even if the Doppler at home picked up the heartbeat, it makes a world of difference for me to have a doctor tell me it’s true.

I asked the OB about traveling in August. We would like to go visit family and friends in Denver, and people keep asking about having a shower for me there. I can’t go any earlier than August for work reasons, so I asked the doc. Originally we had planned on driving there, as I have a bit of a fear of flying while pregnant. I didn’t before, but in my last pregnancy, one week my baby was alive, and the next he wasn’t. During that week, I took a flight for a wedding. I know in my head that flying had nothing to do with my baby dying, but I may not always be the most rational, especially when it comes to being pregnant. So I asked the doc what he preferred me to do: fly for 2 ½ hours, drive 18 hours, or stay home. He said I should definitely fly, and it will be fine then. I’ll be right at the beginning of my 3rd trimester, and he said there’s no reason why I shouldn’t fly. I should get up at least once during the flight, but it should be easy. He said that driving isn’t contra-indicated, but he will tell me to stop every 1 ½ hours and walk around for at least 15 minutes. Which would make a trip super long. And he said I’ll be very uncomfortable. So we’re following his advice and booking a flight to Denver. But I’m still scared to get on a plane. Hopefully I’ll get over my fear by then.

My next appointment isn’t for another four weeks. I haven’t yet gone two weeks without an appointment, so I’ve been very lucky, but there’s no reason for an appointment any sooner – everything is going very well. The best news is my next appointment is the anatomy scan – we get to find out the sex of the baby!!! On a side note, did you hear about the family in Canada who is raising their child to be gender neutral? Nobody outside the family and the midwives that delivered the baby knows the sex. Interesting idea, but I think it’s a little too weird!

19 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you. Can't wait for your next appointment!

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  2. Woohoo for another "normal" appointment!! And the family raising the gender neutral child...my God, not sure I share that idea at all...it's already easy to feel confused during puberty, adding a non recognition by people I'm not sure it'll help at all!

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  3. Glad to hear you had another great appt! I know what you mean about flying -- I was terrified to fly with the quads, but it turned out okay. Still, it's hard to get that fear out of your mind. As for the gender neutral kid ... I'm pretty sure they're just making this MORE of an issue by deciding not to announce it and having everyone badger them about their kid. Ridiculous!

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  4. Yay for a great appointment!!

    When I read about that family the first thing I thought of was the book about "X" I had when I was a kid (that, apparently this family was inspired by) where the family wouldn't reveal the kid's gender and how it changed an entire community. Of course, then the kid had a sibling named "Y" in the end, too. I don't know, I remember being fascinated by the idea of the book when I was a kid and it has definitely stuck with me all my life. But, still, I think that is a difficult decision to make FOR someone else. I guess it gives them freedom but it also brings a lot of confusion. It almost feels more like a psychology experiment (which it WAS in the book) and I don't know that it's a great idea to do to your child. I mean, yes, there are a lot of gender roles that are driven by society but there are also a lot of attributes that are driven by biology. As all of us here can attest, hormones are a crazy thing.

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  5. Yeah for normal appointment.

    That gender neutral thing is bizarre. How do they know they aren't raising the child to become Pat from SNL? That is scary!

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  6. Happy things are going well! I found the doppler only OB appts a little boring too but it's good to be a normal, boring preggo =) Your fears about flying are very understandable...if it makes you feel any better I went to Mexico at 28 weeks (3 hr flight) and everything was a-ok.

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  7. Yay for still alive! :) ha ha... you must've freaked out your co-worker. When your baby is 10 years old and someone asks hows/he is doing, your answer might still be the same. I know *I'll* continue to be utterly thrilled with Penelope's 'aliveness', no matter how old she gets!

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  8. Hey Alex, wonderful to hear things are going well. I get the "yay the baby's alive, " but I know normal people don't. Take care xo

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  9. I tried to comment earlier, but Blogger was not cooperating! I hope the next month flies by for your next appointment!

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  10. So glad things are going well. I would get SO anxious for every doppler appointment, and what a sweet relief that sound is!

    That article is really interesting...never even thought about any of that!

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  11. I'm glad things are progressing. When you're so use to an ultrasound at almost every appt, it's dissapointing when all you get is just the doppler, but I guess that's better than nothing!

    I can't wait to find out what baby will be!

    As far as the canadian couple...yeah, that's just really strange. I hope that baby doesn't grow up confused.

    Have a great weekend!

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  12. I agree the no gender is weird..but the way doctors and all are saying it is horrible and the baby is going to be affected are nonsensical. I would not do it..but I think it is a great look at how we categorize boys and girls.

    I can totally understand your fear with not flying.
    and too can not wait to find out what your having a little boy or girl!!

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  13. beyond thrilled for you- thanks for the tip on downloading google chrome, seems to have done the trick :)

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  14. There's actually a good chance you won't even be that uncomfortable in August. I didn't really feel uncomfortable until about 35 or 36 weeks. So a plane ride should be a breeze--as long as your hubby carries the luggage. So happy to hear your little one is thriving!

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  15. Yeah baby!!!!!!!!! I still say girl and that Canadian family is either genius, way ahead of their time, or the parents need counseling to come to grips with the disappointment of having a 3rd boy, or it'll make no never mind in the long run anyway. Love the wedding photos lovely lady. The two of you are adorable!!

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  16. So glad to hear the appointment went well. How exciting to find out the sex of the baby!
    I heard about that couple with baby x, don't really know what to think of it. A bit strange but they sure have a point as well.

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  17. Yea for another great appointment!

    i flew at 32 weeks pregnant, and baby Luke is here and healthy. it will be okay :-)

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  18. Hello! I happened upon your blog from another one I frequent and just wanted to congratulate you on your little one! How very exciting! Good luck!

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  19. Glad to hear all is well for your pregnancy. Now though I must go read the letter to your birth parents...!

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