Going Home

I always wondered if this was a good idea - leaving home for three weeks with my husband, my newborn and my two dogs and staying with my in-laws. Three weeks later, finally leaving tomorrow to go home, I can definitely say this was a very very bad idea. 

The drive from Houston to Denver wasn't bad. Amazingly, our little Alex was great in the car. She slept for most of the way. I was able to pump and feed her bottles, and so we only stopped for diaper changes. We were planning on stopping overnight in Amarillo, but we made such good time and was able to get to the in-laws by midnight. On the way back, we're planning on stopping for the night, which is probably a good idea. But I'm incredibly anxious to get home!

Being at the in-laws was fine. My MIL is great. Every morning I would get up to feed Alex and then my MIL would have "Grammy time" when she would hold Alex and I would get a leisurely shower and get ready. I really didn't even need anything like a swing because MIL wouldn't allow Alex to be on her own. I'm a little worried about transitioning to be a little independent, especially considering I'm about to start working. So like I said, my in-laws were great, and never once complained about our stuff being all over the place or anything. But it's hard being in someone else's home. I miss my space and my privacy. I miss my alone time. I miss not having to be pleasant to everyone, which if I'm completely honest, I wasn't exactly pleasant the whole three weeks. Being out of our element can make anyone go a little or a lot nuts...

I feel like I need to address the big white elephant in the room. For those of you that follow me in your reader, I posted an entry, and then deleted it. I wrote it in the middle of the night and at a very low moment, and after a little sleep I decided that maybe it was best if I didn't have that stuff on my blog. But I forgot about the reader, and the fact that it still got pushed out even if I later deleted it. I'm so embarrassed that you all know about that night. I've always tried to be incredibly open and honest on this blog, but some things feel too raw and exposed. But I have to say thank you to some really lovely ladies who gave me such support and love over the Internet. Both on comments on my blog as well as via email, I have never felt support like I have in the last week. I haven't had the nerve to tell anyone in real life what actually happened that night, but you ladies know and still show me love, and for that I thank you. Yes, my hubs and I talked the next day and agreed that this kind of thing can never happen again. Yes, I believe him. Yes, we still have a lot to work out. And yes, I will be setting up a meeting with my therapist to discuss it. No, he will not go to therapy, I've asked him to go in the past to no avail. 

I'm worried about my relationship with my husband. Like so many other women, I'm very disappointed with his lack of involvement when it comes to parenting our child. He has lots of opinions, but when it comes to actually assisting, he's unwilling. But I'm working on being specific in my requests for assistance, and I've actually been able to have a productive conversation about him doing more. I just hate that he's the one "helping". Why is he helping? Shouldn't he just be "doing" like I am???

Ok, rant over. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm OK, Alex is OK, and I can't thank you enough for the love and support you have shown me. I've been part of this blogging world for almost two years, and I continue to be amazed at how fulfilling friendships can be, even if I've never met any of you.