Feeling Crappy

It’s my 37^th birthday, and I’m feeling crappy, and so I feel like whining - sorry in advance.  I’ve spent the entire weekend listening to my husband whine about being sick, and listening to my little Alex whine because she’s sick (I would take baby whining over husband whining any day of the week!), that I feel like it’s my turn to whine a little.  I’m tired of being Miss Positivity, and I just want someone to be nice to me.  Is that so much to ask???

-I’m sick of my baby being sick.  I like the daycare she’s in, but it seems like she’s always sick.  I know that this is very common with daycare babies, but it seems absurd!  She always has a runny nose, coughs occasionally, last week had pink eye, has had multiple rounds of stomach viruses, and rarely goes a week without being sick of some sort.  I spend too much time at doctor’s offices, and urgent care places on the weekend.  None of it has been truly awful, and she is very happy throughout most of the sickness, but I want a healthy baby!  And it pisses me off that most of this is due to being at daycare.

-I’m not feeling the love on my birthday.  My husband forgot this morning and didn’t say anything prior to leaving for work.  He emailed me later, but still.  We agreed to do no gifts this year for each other (his birthday is this Saturday) and instead get the floors tiled.  I know I agreed to this, but I’m not that excited about this.  Floor tiles – how thoughtful.  And he hasn’t even made the arrangements yet so who knows if it will every happen.  I have something small planned for the hubs, but I guarantee he won’t do anything even small.  We have plans to go out to dinner for our birthdays this weekend and get a babysitter, but it’s on his birthday so it will be all about him, I know it.  I know I’m completely whiny about this, but I want some love!

-I twisted my ankle this morning.  I’m wearing these stupid 3 inch heels, and while carrying Alex, I went out to the mailbox (hoping for a birthday card – ridiculous, I know) and I twisted my ankle.  I almost fell but over-recovered since I was holding Alex, and I hurt my ankle.  Stupidly, I didn’t take the blasted heels off today, and my ankle is hurting worse and worse.  I’m afraid I sprained it, and walking around all day on these stupid heels is not helping.

-I’m pretty sure my boss forgot my birthday.  His wife cooks cakes for all of us in our department every year, and a couple weeks ago I put in my order for carrot cake – she makes the best carrot cake.  I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks, and he forgot.  I’m sure he’ll ask her to do it later this week, but I really wanted it today.

-I feel nauseous after my lunch.  I have had some poopy issues all morning, and now I feel nauseous.  So I’m probably getting another stomach virus.  The greatest thing about having a child in daycare is not only does she get sick, but she brings home sickness too!  What a fabulous treat.  Hubs and I have never been so sick ever – just passing around these little illnesses, I’m pretty sure that’s what’s about to happen – lovely.

-Either that or I’m pregnant.  I’m officially 1 week late.  Which has never happened in my life.  BUT I’ve only had one period since being pregnant, so I assume my body is still a bit wonky.  Plus I had egg whites a week later than usual, so I assume I’ll get my period in the next day or so.  Maybe that’s why I’m so grumpy – standard PMS.  But I hate the mindfuck that I put myself through, wondering if I’m pregnant.  Wondering if I could be that urban legend – you know, the girl who’s infertile but magically becomes fertile after pregnancy.  It’s bullshit, really, the fantasies that come back so quickly…  I refuse to POAS, as I don’t want all the hope and then disappointment that comes with it, but the longer I wait to POAS, the longer I can dream…  But part of me wonders if it can be true, in which case I need to take more folic acid and start the Lovenox, and…  STOP!!!  I hate doing this to myself.

I just need to make it through today, and stop the petulant temper tantrum.  It’s just another day, a regular old Monday when I’m tired.  I need to forget all the possibilities, and stop being so sensitive about my birthday.  I need to get back to my normal positivity, and be happy.  Maybe tomorrow…