Monday, August 13, 2012

Hysteroscopy from Hell


I don’t remember the first one as all that bad.  It was scary, but I remember getting over it in a day, and not having the emotional reaction.  This one did not go very well.

It started a few days earlier.  I do not like anesthesia, and am always afraid I will not wake up.  In fact, I’ve only had general anesthesia three times prior to this hysteroscopy:  a D&C when I lost my baby at 9 weeks, the first hysteroscopy, and the egg retrieval.  Wow – what a wonderful gift infertility has given me – lots of horrible medical procedures.  Last week I worked myself into a frenzy, worrying about the procedure and specifically if I would wake up from the procedure.  I realize this is slightly irrational, that the chance of death is very small, but it is a chance!  And now, with baby Alex, the price is so much higher.  That is what really got me – is it worth it to go through all this for the possibility of baby #2, when the risk is that Alex could lose her mother?  I know I’m being dramatic, but these are the things that were going through my head. 

The day before the procedure as I left work and said goodbye to my friend that knows all the gory details of my infertile life, I told her to watch over Alex, and help the hubs navigate my death.  The morning of the procedure, I squeezed Alex a little longer, and told her a few extra times I loved her always as I dropped her off at daycare.  And during the drive to the procedure, I kept giving instructions to the hubs: tell her I love her, I want to be cremated, take the life insurance money and hire a live-in nanny, you need to date so you can find another mom for Alex.  (this is the one that always made my breath catch.)  I held it together very well, giving these instructions to the hubs in light humor.  I really wasn’t as morbid as it sounds, I just felt like I needed to be very clear in my instructions.   He laughed and joked with me, but didn’t tell me I was being stupid which I appreciated. 

We got to the clinic at 12:30 as instructed, with the procedure scheduled at 1:30.  During that hour, I was supposed to get an IV, sign all the consent forms, change into a gown, etc.  Well, I didn’t get called back until 1:20.  Finally I had signed everything, changed clothes and talked to the doctors by 2:00, at which time the doc said we would get started in about 10 minutes.  I was in a decent mood until about 2:15, at which time I started to get really nervous.  I was so hungry and thirsty (nothing to eat or drink since midnight), I had a headache from caffeine withdrawal, and I was pissed it was taking so long.  Plus the hubs stopped being supportive, and was visibly annoyed with me.  At 2:30 I started to cry.  One of the nurses came in and tried to talk to me, and I could not stop crying!  I had psyched myself up to do this, just get it over with, and now it was delayed.  I tried to hold myself together, but it didn’t work very well.  Finally they called me into the operating room at 2:50.  I was exhausted, and shaky, and a mess.  The surgical nurse tried to calm me down, saying the mood I was in when I went under would affect the mood I would be in when I woke up.  Ugh – that didn’t help.  But they put me under, which was probably a good thing.

I woke up in a frenzy, listening to them telling me to take deep breaths, scared because I was having a hard time doing so, and I just wanted to get out of there.  They handed me my clothes and I tried to put them on while my IV was still in, with shaky hands.  I wanted to be out of that stupid place and never come back.  At some point the doctor came by and told me she found a bunch of polyps and cut them out, so I would be bleeding and in some pain.  I left as soon as possible.

This was on Friday, and I’m still struggling to feel normal.  I went home on Friday and slept all night.  Then I tried to get up on Saturday and take care of Alex, but I didn’t do very well.  Off and on, I would sleep for an hour, get up and play with her, then go back to bed.  Thankfully the hubs took care of her more than normal this weekend.  I took two days off of the boot camp routine – Friday and Saturday.  But Sunday morning I woke early and wanted to get back on track.  I went outside and walked my intervals instead of running.  I felt ok, but exhausted.  I took 3 naps yesterday – before Alex woke up, and then during each of her naps.  This morning I got up and tried to run my intervals, but could only do half of them.  My muscles are so sore!  I’m pissed that my fitness routine got derailed from this stupid procedure, but I’m trying to remind myself that this is normal, and I need to take it easy. 

This eight weeks of boot camp is so important to me.  It’s my time to get my body back, and get my life back.  I’m mad I did this hysteroscopy in the middle of it, but at least it’s done.  I know I need to ease back into the exercise a bit more, as I’m now exhausted.  Hopefully that was the very last time I will ever need to go under general anesthesia.  No more hysteroscopies, no more egg retrievals, and definitely no more D&C’s.  

25 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie!!! That was horrible!! You will be ok, petal, you will. Give yourself another couple of days. Love, Fran

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  2. I'm so sorry! It took me a couple weeks to feel back to normal after my LAP and fibroid removal. Hope you are feeling much better soon.

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  3. You sound just how I handle medical procedures, having to psych yourself up for them. That really sucks that they were running behind and made you wait. Cross this off your list and never look back!

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  4. Oh my gosh!! You poor thing! Hope you feel 100% soon. *hugs*

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  5. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that! Wish I could be there to hug you. I hope this is the worst of it and from here on out, it will be positive experiences. I'm glad to hear your hubby was able to care for little Alex so you could get some rest. Hope your body continues to recover and you can get back on track with your boot camp!

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  6. Oh no! What a roughtime! I'm sorry it was so trying! It's good news about the polyps in a way, no? I mean at least they didn't end up going in there for no reason, right? I hope that you are feeling better really soon. I so admire you and your dedication to the boot camp. I really wish that I had that dedication right now!!

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  7. Yikes, that sounds awful. I was always super emotional after anesthesia--one time sobbing so hard that my husband thought they had already told me devastating news (I think this was my first lap before I even had any IVFs at all). I hate it all, too, and hope that you never have to go through it again.
    Good luck with the boot camp, that sounds very challenging, but as you know, I love a good work out :)

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  8. Ugh! I am so sorry to hear this. It's that layer of PTSD on top of the actual procedure that you could do without, eh? I hope that awful feeling starts to feel lighter right this minute. :)

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  9. I am so sorry : ( Do they really put you under general for all of that? I'm shocked! I was under twilight for both my retrievals and my wisdom teeth extraction. I've only ever been under general for my laparoscopy, and yeah, it sucks! It took me forever to feel back to normal and my memory/attention span was shot for days! I'm glad this is all behind you.

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  10. That damn place!

    I am so so sorry that you got stuck waiting...they did that to me last time around, and I was so shaky from no food and water. Thank goodness your husband was able to take the entire day off of work and be with you.

    I am so sorry you had to go through that and put up with those scheduling shenanigans.

    Amy

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  11. Another comment, totally unrelated to this post. Would you like to be facebook friends? I am slowly becoming FB friends with my blog friends and it's really fun. If so, email me at luluslaments at gmail dot com and we can exchange real names : )

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  12. Ugh. I hate all the procedures, too! I had two hysteroscopies. One was just ok and the other was absolutely awful. Complete with a balloon in me (and a tail, um, hanging out of me) to prevent regrowth of the scar tissue. It was painful and awful. The worst waiting I had though was with one of my D&Cs...until 4pm!!

    Hope you feel better soon.

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  13. So sorry; horrible experience! Yes, listen to your body and don't worry--you'll be right back where you left off in your program! Go Alex!

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  14. O, that sounds so awful!!!! I am so sorry you had to go through that.

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  15. Oh man, that sounds awful. I hope you feel back to normal soon.

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  16. Wow, what a really hard thing, I'm so sorry you had to go through that! :(

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  17. Uhg, I'm sorry you had to go through that! I certainly hope it's the last time you ever have to do it.

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  18. Ugh, so sorry. That sounds tough. :( Hope it's the last time!

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  19. Oy, that sounds awful, I hope that you are recovering and back to kicking ass in boot camp, and yes, I hope it is the last time!

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  20. I am so, so sorry it was so tough this time around. Hope it was the last!

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  21. Oh no, sorry it was so long and awful.

    I agree, getting yourself prepared for things that like and then running late, is just the worst! I am glad it is over adn you got to see your little lady!!!!

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  22. That sounds so terrible!!! I'm so glad it's over, though, and hope that it has prepped you for a great transfer.

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  23. sending you some get well wishes for the unpredictable torture you endured! what a long day indeed. :( i hope you are feeling much better today. xxx for the upcoming weeks.

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  24. Hysteroscopy is the inspection of the uterine cavity by endoscopy with access through the cervix. It allows for the diagnosis of intrauterine pathology and serves as a method for surgical intervention. Hysteroscopy Pump used as Hysteroscopy Equipment & it is the first choice of gynecologist for therapeutic interventions.

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  25. The day before the device as I left work and said goodbye to my relative that knows all the gory details of my infertile life, I told her to watch over Alex, and assist the hubs navigate my death.


    Video Colposcope | Fetal Monitor | Office Hysteroscopy

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