Want to know if IVF will work for you? You like taking quizzes? Then this is for you. Some Brits created a handy little online quiz which will predict your success at IVF. You can find it here. I hate it.
I put in my stats for my first IVF, and it said I had a 29% chance. My second will have a 17.6% chance. I don’t like these numbers. I liked my doctor’s crazy optimism that I was an “easy case” – except after my IVF failed… Then I didn’t like it anymore. Apparently not so easy. According to the SART report, my clinic has 49% of retrievals resulting in live births, and 53% of transfers resulting in live births for my age group. I liked those numbers enough to go forward with IVF, but now I don’t – I don’t really believe any of it. Oh, and I just had the pleasure of seeing the percent of transfers of frozen embryos resulting in live births is 21% for my clinic. Fan-freakin-tastic. So what is it really? Slim to none?
Oh and will someone remind me to not talk to my husband about anything related to IVF unless it’s absolutely necessary? I knew this before, but things have been going really well with us lately so I just did something stupid. I sent the link above to him, and told him the 29% and 17.6% chance numbers. He responded via email, “Dumb – another thing you found to be pessimistic – good job.” And I responded, “Really? You converted this into insulting me? Unbelievable.” (which was dumb – I should have just ignored it) And he responded, “You are unbelievable. I think we should wait a year before we do anything else.” And then he declined the outlook invitation I had sent him for the WTF appointment with the doctor on Monday.
Before anyone (besides me) freaks out, please know – this isn’t real. He’s not really saying that we should wait a year. He’s throwing a temper tantrum. He’s done it before, and he’ll do it again. I just talked with my therapist a couple days ago about communicating with the hubs. I know I can’t change him, but I can change how I respond to him. A year ago, I would have burst into tears (ok, I’ll admit, I just cried a little), and sent back an email continuing the fight, saying pissy things. Maybe something dramatic like “I can’t believe you immediately jump to calling everything off – don’t be ridiculous.” Or even, “I don’t need you anyway – we now have frozen embryos that I can use!” (Of course, he does have to sign consent forms… Don’t hate me because I’ve thought about this.) My therapist calls this being an adolescent. She tells me to stay in my adult. React in a rational adult way. I have to figure out how to do this. Right now, I don’t trust myself to respond. And so I don’t.
I know this will blow over – it always does – but I didn’t want this today. And so I move on with my life. I’m working like crazy, expecting a layoff, looking forward to Monday’s doctor appointment (I can go by myself – been to plenty by myself), and trying to make it through January without thinking too much of my sweet baby’s estimated due date coming up in a couple weeks. Other than that, now I have to figure out how to resolve this stupid husband thing…