Here I am, fattening up. Currently receiving my intralipid infusion at home - supposed to be 7-10 days prior to the transfer, and the transfer is 8 days from today! Holy shit, when did that happen? Kind of snuck up on me! So I'm getting my infusion, wondering how this bag of fatty goodness is supposed to make my body not kill a baby. Seriously, how does this work? They say because I have elevated natural killer cells that intralipids will help and decrease my chance of a miscarriage and increase my chances of implantation. I don't get it, and yet this is what I do. I have the fat dripping into my veins, hoping for some sort of protection.
I went into the doc on Tuesday for ultrasound and blood work, and everything looks good. My lining is thick - over 8 mm. I go back in tomorrow for another check, I'll likely start the progesterone on Sunday, and then transfer on Friday.
I can't believe I'm here again. I'm starting to slow down a little at work, and that allows me time to think - not always a good thing. I'm petrified of getting pregnant. Can't I just have a baby? Why do I have to go through all the pregnancy stuff and all the worry and fear that comes with it? I'd really rather not do it! And instead, I'm doing everything I can do live out my biggest fear- getting pregnant! How rational is this? Oh well, guess I threw rational out the window a very long time ago. C'mon, what kind of rational woman puts oil and other fats in their body via an IV???