About a month ago, I shared a story about my friend A. My super wonderful, super fertile friend A is pregnant, and I didn't handle her announcement very well. She just had her first ultrasound, and guess what – it’s twins! Of course it is! Why wouldn’t the super lucky uber-fertile woman be pregnant with twins??? Meanwhile, the first due date of my first baby is coming up – October 16. This little one was only with me for a few days before I knew it was ectopic, but I miss it. And then I would be 23 weeks pregnant now with my second baby, if he would have lived. I really hope I’m pregnant before the due date for my second little one. Oh wait, maybe I’ll be pregnant before the due date for my first baby… I probably won’t know by then, but maybe…
I responded well to the ultrasound picture of the two little sacs when A handed it to me. I was very excited for her, and reacted appropriately. She’s so overwhelmed, concerned with money, concerned with having two babies when her oldest won’t even be two years old. Of course, these are real concerns, but I wish it were me. I’ve always wanted twins. Shoot, I’ve always wanted a baby – I’d love just one right now. No, I’d rather have the two I lost.
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Ugh, the unfairness of it all gets to me. Does she know about your IF and loss (I think she does) b/c sharing all this with you like this is kind of like complaining about why your raise was so small to someone who just got laid off. Its just something you shouldn't do.
ReplyDeleteI would rather have the baby I lost too, its so not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, cgd, she knows all about my IF and losses - she was the one that held my hand during the 2nd ultrasound to confirm there was no heartbeat. She's one of the best supporters I have. She's truly one of the nicest people I know. Which is why it's so hard to be jealous of her... But I am.
ReplyDeleteNo, it's not fair. I don't know why, but I always get cranky when I hear that women are pregnant with twins. Specifically when it's fertile women. I can't help but wonder is someone else is out there missing or wanting a baby (like all of us), and that woman got TWO. All I want is ONE. It sucks, and it's impossible not to get jealous.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
No matter what, it is always hard to find out Pg news. I know how difficult it is to have a supporter cross over. It sucks. I am sorry, Alex. Thinking of you on the day we both found out about twins....
ReplyDeleteugh, WHY is she showing you her freakin ultrasound picture??? i understand her telling you she's having twins, bc that has to come out at *some* point. but really on the picture??? that is a big fat no no she committed. geeez.
ReplyDeleteyou'll get your turn soon alex. my fingers and toes and every hair on my head are crossed for you. xoxoxoxo!
Good for you, It's soo hard to be happy for someone pregnant. Especially face to face!
ReplyDeleteI really hope this IUI is a success. You so deserve it.
Omg. You know, I think i had honestly forgotten that it was possible to get pregnant with twins WITHOUT fertility treatment for a srcond there. I'm so sorry. I just can't imagine. And, seeing the u/s? Ugh.
ReplyDeleteUgh, so not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAny time i find out someone is pregnant I feel like i have been punched in the gut! Here's to hoping that we can do some gut punching of our own someday!
ReplyDeleteugh, not fair :-( Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThat is always the way it seems. I am wish you on being jealous of people I am really close to and am genuinely happy for... it is like I can't control it.
ReplyDeleteIt's so unfair that you don't have your babies. Sending hugs.
I had to roll my eyes at your friend. Of course she is pregnant with twins. I had a "friend" do that to me too. She had a "hard time" conceiving #2 (read, she freaked when she found out I was infertile and she hadn't gotten pregnant after 3 months), so she scheduled with an RE for 5 months down the road. Guess what? She got pregnant before her appt. Of course she did. There wasn't a moment I didn't want to smack her through the whole thing. I couldn't believe she had the gall to cry to me when she already had one and I was trying to get even one. She went on to get pregnant with twins after her second was born. I can't stand the sight of her anymore. I still want to smack her.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I can empathize with you on this one. Totally and completely.
oh man, i feel for you honey. The unfairness of it all just astounds me. I would be super jealous. I dont even know this woman and I'M jealous!
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Oh Alex, how totally unfair!! I don't see a thing wrong with you feeling jealous. You feel what you feel. Period. You don't have to apologize to anyone for it. At the same time, I think that's not at all inconsistent with feeling happy for her. She sounds like she's a good friend to you and she's as sensitive as a fertile can be to an infertile. Take care. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOh Alex, I'm sorry. I'd find twins really hard too, somehow. Hoping it's your turn soon.
ReplyDeleteLife's not fair. It just isn't. I'm upset for you. And I'm sorry. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteUgh :( Good for you though for reacting well for her. I know it takes a crapload of effort.
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