This is my 100th post, and I can’t believe I’m here already. I never thought I would ever have a blog, especially one centered around fertility! I started this in February, after going through an ectopic pregnancy, and feeling so alone. I had been following some blogs (including some of you!!!) for awhile, starting around November, but I had never commented and never blogged. I didn’t want to get “sucked up” in that world. But then I started getting jealous of the support that people received – both in the good stuff and in the bad, and I realized the benefit of being a real part of this community. I realized that not only did I want to hear about what other people were doing in their fertility struggle, but I wanted to respond and let people know I was out here struggling! And I wanted to tell my story. Also, I was afraid of going through something like the ectopic again, without having additional support – more than I have in my real life. Little did I know how much support I was really going to need a few months later, in June when I lost another baby. So for my 100th post, I’d like to share a few things that I’ve learned since starting my blog:
I learned that the support you get from internet friends can be better than anything you have in real life. You ladies “get” me better than anyone in my life, and I love knowing that I’m not the only one to feel the way I do.
I’ve learned that when you’re down in the dumps, and don’t feel like picking up the phone to call IRL friends, you can go on your blog and write a few words, and it will feel better. It feels good to let the feelings out, and then even better, it feels good to get the comments back. They really are like hugs – when someone comments that they’re thinking of me, or just agrees that something sucks, it makes me feel so much better, or at least not alone. Feeling surrounded by love is the best feeling in the world.
I’ve learned that following pregnancy blogs, although sometimes can make me jealous, give me great hope. I like pregnant after IF people much better than the “oops chicks” that I know, and it gives me great comfort that if these ladies can do it, maybe there’s a chance for me too. Plus I assume that maybe someday I’ll get pregnant and it will stick, in which case I need some mentors – I plan on asking all kinds of advice someday, maybe…
I’ve learned that flooding someone who is going through a loss with comments is so important. On that awful day, I took 2 minutes and wrote the No Heartbeat post. I received so many comments on that one. I remember being in bed, not being able to stop crying, but my phone kept buzzing. I kept receiving emails of comments from people. Some from people that I knew through blogging, and some were complete strangers. Someone had posted my news on LFCA, and a few of my bloggy friends had posted my news on their own blogs. It was amazing the amount of support and love I felt through that day. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through that day otherwise – thank you.
I’ve learned when the random errant commenter makes a not-so-nice comment, there’s nothing like a group of IFers to have your back. Wow, I knew I feel oh-so-protective about all of you, but to get the same fierce love back is amazing. Thank you ladies for always having my back.
I’ve learned that in blog-land, just as in real life, you get as much as you give. I make a conscious effort to pay attention, to read people’s blogs, and to comment and put out the love as much as possible. In return, I’ve developed some amazing friendships. I feel like the conversations we have, although they’re not like normal in-person ones with back and forth type dialogue, are amazing and really create friendships. Even if I haven't met any of you face-to-face, I consider you my friends, my support network, people that I need in my life.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to be a good writer to have a good blog. I’m terrible at grammar, I have to write my posts in Word first so there is a spell check, and I’ve always been terrible at creative writing. But here, I just spill out my thoughts, and I’ve discovered that it doesn’t really matter if I’m not the best writer. I will always be envious of those really good writers, the ones that can express their thoughts and feelings so beautifully, and I will never be that girl. I was intimidated by these writers when I started blogging, but I figured I would just let my thoughts fly. Hopefully you can tell that I’m open and honest, and just want to share what’s going on in my life and in my head.
Most of all, I’ve learned that my life is better for having this blog. I use this as a form of therapy, of support. I am lucky to have all of you in my life.
With that, I’m signing off for awhile. I leave tomorrow morning for Europe, and I’m not sure how much access I’ll have to my blog and to yours. I’ll miss you, my bloggy friends!