I’m about to start the 1 week wait, with the first week almost done. Beta is scheduled for a week from tomorrow. And who am I kidding, of course I’m going to test before that. Probably this weekend. For my last pregnancy, I had a positive test on 10 dpiui, and that will be Friday. If I can hold off until Saturday, that would be ideal, but I may start POAS on Friday… I’ve been doing pretty well. Keeping busy, not thinking of everything too much.
One thing that has really helped to calm myself is the Circle+Bloom meditation series. It’s perfect – it has a relaxation section at the beginning, and then you visualize whatever is going on in your body at that moment. I am listening to it every day, at least once, but I really need to listen to it while I’m a little more awake. I usually listen to it when I go to bed, and I’m not awake for the visualization part. I guess the good news is I’m sleeping pretty well, and feel overall pretty relaxed. I’m on the 20 and 21 day session, even though it’s technically CD 22. My IUI was a little late – on day 16, so I’m listening to the sessions a little late. During the 18 and 19 day session, it had a nice exercise during the visualization part. I really should listen to it again as I was a little sleepy, but this is what I remember.
Visualize a chalkboard or a dry erase board. Write down all the feelings and thoughts you have right now about your cycle, look at it, acknowledge them, and then leave the chalkboard up, or erase them all to let them go. I guess I’m making it a bit permanent by sharing on my blog, but I thought I would share - here are my current feelings and emotions:
-Anxiety: Anxious that this cycle won’t work, and anxious that it will work.
-Optimistic: If I had to bet, I would place my bet on the cycle working.
-Negative: If this cycle works, then I have to deal with pregnancy, and all the worry that that will bring.
-Nervous: Only a few more days, or up to a week, and I will know.
-Ambivalent: Sometimes I don’t care if I’m pregnant or not. Life would be easier if I’m not.
-Guilty: For feeling the above.
-Happy: Thinking about the little embryo(s) inside me, starting to nestle in my body over the next couple of days. Thinking about June babies – both me and my hubs are June babies, it would be fun to have another June birthday in the house.
-Angry: At myself for thinking of things like due dates.
-Sad: Speaking of due dates, my first baby’s due date was going to be October 16 – this Saturday. I barely got to know that little one, as it went to the wrong place – my tube.
-Scared: What if it happens again? Ectopic, miscarriage, whatever… So very scary.
I’m all over the place, but I’m doing pretty well. We flew to Maryland this weekend for a wedding, and saw a lot of people that the hubs and I used to work with – it was really fun. I have a friend in town tonight, so we’ll go out for a nice dinner. My hubs has a 2nd interview tomorrow for a job that would be really good for him, and it also would mean that we would stay in Houston instead of moving back to Denver, which is my personal preference, so that’s exciting. And I’m super busy this week at work, so that should help time go faster. Overall things are going pretty well. I just have to make it through this week. I wonder what next week will look like…