First, thanks to everyone for your reassuring comments. I hate that infertility and loss does this – we have a couple good days in our pregnancy, and we automatically assume that there is something wrong with our babies. Because sometimes that’s what it means – sometimes the absence of symptoms means the baby is now dead. But most of the time it means that you’re lucky, and hopefully the symptoms are getting better. I hate that those of us that have experienced infertility or loss, or both, automatically assume it’s bad. But you all sent me very encouraging comments, and gave me reassurances, enough to get through the few less-symptom days. And then, this weekend, all the symptoms came back, with full force! Good times!
I went to my RE office today, for my final appointment. They told me to stop taking the progesterone shots, and I’m not on any restrictions anymore – no restrictions on exercise, sex, anything! I don’t have the hematoma anymore – it’s completely gone. And everything looks great. The little guy was hitting and kicking all around – so feisty! He even reached up to his head – the nurse said he was scratching his head a little – so very cute. He’s measuring at 10 weeks 4 days, even though I’m at 10 weeks 2 days today. And a heartbeat of 156.
It was a little sad leaving that office. I have gone there so many times over the last 18 months. I was glad to have the nurse that I have seen the most doing my last ultrasound. I thanked her for all her help, and she said that she gave me kudos for all the research and self-advocacy I’ve done to have this baby. Love her! It was so weird walking out of there. I won’t be back until I start trying for baby #2. We haven’t decided when that will be, but I love knowing that they’re taking care of seven frozen embryos for us.
So I now must accept that I’m no longer a fertility patient – now I will go forward with my pregnancy as a normal (yet scared) pregnant woman. Luckily I have my next ultrasound scheduled for April 29 (next week!), which will be the NT scan. But after that, it will be every four weeks that I have to go without confirmation from a doctor that everything is ok. And I think that after we get the results from the NT scan, I’ll officially come out at work. Although I think most people suspect – there’s been some weird vibes lately. Oh who cares, let them all gossip! For now, I’m celebrating that everything is ok – at 10+ weeks, my baby is alive and well. Maybe I will get to have this baby after all…