Monday, October 18, 2010

My Hope is Gone

First, I want to thank all of you who commented on my post on Saturday. I really appreciate the support you give me. It was a hard day, and your words comforted me and made me feel a little better, and definitely not alone.

In other news, it’s 13 dpiui, and I’ve been testing again – all BFN’s. So either the IUI didn’t work at all, or it will be something like February – ectopic. Oh I hope that doesn’t happen again. At this point, I’m almost wishing for a BFN at tomorrow’s beta. Which sucks too. I know that the chances for IUI’s aren’t that great – 20-30%, but for some reason I thought that IUI’s really work for me – I had a 100% success rate from the previous two! Don’t know why I thought I was above the statistics. But I did.

And before anyone asks, I’m using FRER as I’ve psyched myself out before. I’ve used cheaper tests before, and never believed them as they were too cheap to work, so I would go out and buy FRER anyway… And I hate the digitals. When they say “Not Pregnant” to me, I find that so insulting. It’s like it’s taunting me. I find one line to be so much nicer… Yes, I’m crazy, but I don’t care.

And even more awesome news – my friend at work who is pregnant with twins is announcing her news at work this week at our department’s meeting on Wednesday. And I’m the stupid one who suggested it to her – what the fuck was I thinking! I was thinking I’d be pregnant by now, so it would be fun to watch her announce her news. How the hell am I supposed to sit through her announcement and act happy, and not cry??? Should be a fabulous week…

29 comments:

  1. I'm sorry Alex-- Your odds are still amazing, I know you know that, but this is just so hard.

    I also commented on your last post just now. It was very special and moving to me.

    Thinking of you today,
    -Lesley

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  2. So bummed it didnt work. But at least you can move to IVF now without any hesitation since you have the benefits. I know that doesn't make up for getting a BFN, but at least there is still hope. Take care.

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  3. (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry, Alex. Hang in there, I'm thinking of you this week.

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  4. Oh no, Alex. I hope it's just one to catch on slowly, but in the right place and all...
    Thinking of you.

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  5. I'm so sorry, Alex! Huge hugs to you....

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  6. I'm so sorry for the BFN. HUGS.

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  7. Hugs to you, and I am hoping that whoever does the beta is very nice to you tomorrow!

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  8. I am sorry this week is already shaping up to be a rough one. xoxo.

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  9. I am so sorry that this IUI did not work for you. I hope all goes as needed at your beta, and you can move forward soon.

    Maybe you can conveniently get sick right before that staff meeting, that will NOT be easy to sit through! At least you know it's coming though.

    Best wishes and many hugs!

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  10. I'm so sorry, Alex. This news sucks. RE your coworker, I've totally been there, done that. It can be pretty tough...so don't be hard on yourself. Do what you need to do to get through the day...you feel what you feel and its okay!
    Take care of yourself. I wish you luck this week. Keep your head up! Hugs!!!

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  11. I am so sorry Alex. I wish there were better news. thinking of you today and this week with the preggo announcement. Sometimes, we just cannot seem to find a break.

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  12. So sorry for the BFN and the rough week. thinking of you...

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  13. Who doesn't want to believe they're above the statistics? I definitely thought as a young child that my family was too good for chicken pox. Don't know where I got that idea, but I was pretty sure we were immune (until we got it when I was in 2nd grade and my brother was in 4th). I'm so sorry for your BFN. That just plain stinks. Hugs to you.

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  14. I'm so sorry hun. I'm right there with you on all of that except the pregnant co-worker. I'm lucky in that only one of my co-workers is childbearing years right now. Anyway, I really am sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm having a major pity party this cycle if you'd like to join me.

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  15. So sorry it's still BFN. Blah. I'll be waiting on your beta results with hope though!

    Good luck getting through the announcement. When my coworker announced last Jan, I went into my own office, shut the door and cried. It's tough and I'm sending *hugs*.

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  16. I am so sorry. I wish so much that this was different for you. Sending love and many hugs your way.

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  17. I'm sorry. Hang in there, the announcement will be over soon.

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  18. Sending love to help get you through a tough week.

    And, I really thank you for your comment on my recent post. It really needed your perspective.

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  19. I'm so sorry, Alex. I was really hoping for another BFP for you this round. I'm so thankful that you have the coverage for IVF now, but still, I wish you didn't have to go through all that.

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  20. I'm sorry for the BFN. =( I hope things turn around soon. And thank you for your comment on my last post =).

    ((hugs))

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  21. I'm so sorry about the BFN, Alex. :( Sending love and hugs.

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  22. I'm so sorry for the BFN. A big hug to you.

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  23. Sorry all your tests are coming up negative. I really hope it's not another ectopic. (((hugs))) Hope you can make it through Wednesday okay.

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  24. I'm sorry:( What a crap week you are having. You know, I had a similar thing...the only two IUI's I'd done ended up in BFP's. So the negative third was a very, very tough one and a harsh surprise.

    I agree with you about the FRER's, by the way. AND the digitals (all they're missing is an evil, snippy voice to say it aloud).

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  25. Damn. You know, I felt the same on my last fresh IVF/ICSI cycle. I always had gotten pregnant on fresh cycle it was a blow when it didn't work the last time. I too thought I was just above the stats (still am! and so are you!) and I quickly accepted I just couldn't be the 100%. Thinking of you today for the hcg, it just cannot be like in February, it can't. And for your colleague...that's really tough, maybe you can practice your face like Rachel in Friends when she was imagining not winning the oscar! (Tell me I made you smile!) Love, Fran

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  26. Thinking of you today, Alex, and wishing for you better days ahead. This is (so) unfortunately a long road, but we'll be here for you. Take care.

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  27. Ugh, this sucks. I'm sure no words are what you want to hear right now, but know that lot's of people are thinking of you and supporting you.

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