Monday, November 15, 2010

Today I Feel…

Scared – tomorrow is my hysteroscopy. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but anesthesia scares me. People keep asking me have I ever had general anesthesia. I answer yes, in June, when I had a D&C, when I lost my baby. (Feel sad about that answer…)

Gratitude – while I was trying to figure out which of my friends would take off work and come pick me up after the hysteroscopy, after I cab myself to it, the hubs called his mother and asked her to fly here from Denver and take me. She immediately said yes, she’ll take a week off from work and fly down here and stay with us until Sunday. She was excited and honored to be asked, and I think she’ll be great with me tomorrow. She will work some remotely, and she wants to do projects around the house – she’ll be working on the yard while we’re at work. I’m so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful mother-in-law.

Ashamed – Yesterday I told my mom that my MIL was coming to help with the hysteroscopy, and she said that she would have done it, and she sounded very hurt. I told her that the hubs did it without asking me, which isn’t exactly the truth, and that next time I need something, I’ll call her. I feel horrible about hurting her. And yes, she had said that if I ever need her to come there, that she would do it. But I am so afraid of being disappointed by her. No, she hasn’t disappointed me really in a couple years, but I also haven’t asked her for anything either - intentionally. We’re both trying to work on our relationship, but it’s hard, it’s awkward. I’ve lived in Texas for three years, and she has never been here. I’ve asked her to come, but she always has something to do – she’s always busy. And she doesn’t even work. My MIL, on the other hand, has probably been here about 5-6 times, and she works full-time. But we’ve always felt like one of my MIL’s highest priorities, and I’ve always been aware that I’m pretty far down the list for my mom. Maybe this is changing, she acts like she’s really making an effort, but I’m so afraid to test the waters. All I know is that I truly hurt her when I told her I didn’t ask her for help. And for that, I feel bad. I wouldn’t have told her at all, but she’s going to my MIL’s house for Thanksgiving, and I know that MIL will talk about her trip here. Oh that’s another post – so nervous about combining the families at Thanksgiving!

Excited – I took my last birth control pill today. Tomorrow is the hysteroscopy. I should get AF in the next few days, go in for CD3 bloodwork/ultrasound, and then we start! I found out on Friday that I’m officially covered with the new insurance. I should get my ID numbers today or tomorrow, and then I can have the clinic verify everything, but I don’t expect any problems, as I’ve already had the diagnosis and treatment codes verified that they’ll be covered. The only thing I don’t know about insurance is how much of the drugs are covered, but worst case, if we have to pay for those, it’s still a lot less than a regular IVF cycle OOP. So by the end of this week, or early next, I should be stimming!

Anxious – I have a bunch to do at work (what am I doing writing a blog post???) before I leave today, go to therapy (thank goodness for her!), pick up my MIL at the airport, and take tomorrow off for the hysteroscopy. So I better go, but thanks for listening…

30 comments:

  1. This is exciting! I definitely think that now is the time to rely on someone who has proved reliable in the past. You can ask you mom to come for something that you don't really need her for, later. And then see what happens.

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  2. that's awesome about your MIL. i'm glad you told your own mother the little fib about hubby asking his mother without consulting you. if she hasn't been there in the past for you, and MIL has, this all makes total sense. don't feel bad at all. just take care of yourself tomorrow and i'm wishing you all the luck :o) xoxo.

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  3. So glad you have a supportive, loving MIL. Good luck with everything!

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  4. we'll all be thinking good thoughts for you tomorrow, i'm happy that you have ensured the support you can count on will be there.

    <3

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  5. Good luck tomorrow! Praying that all will go well and you will have a full recovery.

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  6. Keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow, and for the upcoming cycle. You are incredibly lucky that you have such a wonderful, supportive MIL through all of this. Don't feel bad about your mom. Focus on yourself right now!

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  7. So many emotions and so many things!! Thinking of you and hoping it is an easy procedure and an easy recovery.

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  8. I still can't believe they make such a big deal of hysteroscopy at your clinic and require anesthesia. I took an Advil, that's about it. I had one at my clinic at 11 AM and went back to work afterwards. It's so weird how different they can be places. Anyways, hope yours was as uneventful as mine was and glad you have support if it makes you nervous! You are on your way missy!

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  9. Good luck!! Everything is going to be FINE :) Sorry about your mum, but you need to take care of yourself. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. ((hugs))

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  10. Your MIL sounds lovely. I'm sorry your relationship with your mom is so difficult.

    I hope your hysteroscopy goes well.

    And thanks for the support on my most recent vent--much appreciated.

    (((hugs)))

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  11. I'm sorry about the difficult relationship with your mom, but the rest sounds great! Hoping all will go smoothly tomorrow.

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  12. I'm glad your MIL will be there. That's good. I'm thinking of you and I hope the test goes well tomorrow! Deep breathing! :-)

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  13. Good luck...will be thinking of you. Keep us posted.

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  14. I'll be thinking of you and hope everything goes well tomorrow! Yay!! You're getting so close!

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  15. Sending you the best of luck for tomorrow!! So glad your MIL can come down to take care of you, she sounds wonderful.

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  16. Please don't be scared, you have all of us and those IRL that are rooting for you and thinking about you, with that much positive thought, you will be okay! That's so exciting that you are combining family for thanksgiving. It will be better than you think, and if it's not going well,you can always go hide in a bedroom for a little while lol. Best of luck tomorrow, you'll do great!

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  17. Alex.
    I wanted to wish you so much luck tomorrow. I am glad that your MIL seems so kind and will be there to take care of you. I am sorry that your realtionship with your mother is so complicated. It sounds like you are doing the best that you can to take care of yourself.
    Hoping that tomorrow goes smoothly.

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  18. I'm sorry you feel guilty about your mom feeling hurt. Who we include in our support system is so important that we just can't risk relying on people who have not shown us that they can be supportive in the ways we need them to be, when we need them to be. Maybe there is another way you can ask your mom to support you? Hope Thanksgiving goes smoothly!

    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow! Sending warm wishes and positive energy for this cycle!

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  19. Parent vs. in-law situations can get so sticky! Maybe you'll have another opportunity in the future to invite your mother to help out. But in the meantime, you shouldn't feel guilty that your MIL is coming and not your mom. These things should never be about comparisons, and, like you said, you didn't make a conscious choice to ask your MIL and not your mother.

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  20. For me it would be the other way around...Unfortunately, my MIL would NEVER think do help out and my mother would absolutely love to spend any time with me that she can...All the best tomorrow. When I had my procedure done, I wasn't so much worried about the actual surgery as I was the anesthesia...You'll do fine and have sweet dreams. I just finished my last BCP 2 days ago and am awaiting my monthly visitor so we can start our new journey. Looks like we will be stimming together. Best of luck and keep us posted!

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  21. Best of luck tomorrow, and on the upcoming adventure!

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  22. Very nice to have such great support from your MIL:) I will be thinking of you tomorrow and know you will do just fine:) Take Care!!!!

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  23. Yay on starting this IVF!! Good luck! I just featured your blog!

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  24. I am so glad your MIL is going to be there for you today- good luck!

    It is tough to keep jealousy down on both sides between parents and in-laws sometimes... I hope there will be plenty for both mothers to help with in the future ;)

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  25. I'm thinking of you today! Yippie! Good luck lovely lady!

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  26. Very excited for you to get started.

    I'm thinking of you today and hoping everything is going perfectly.

    I agree with the others - I think it's not a good idea to test your Mom's new commitment to you right now - the stakes are much to high for a trial run, so it's great that your MIL is there and will be solid for you.

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  27. Sorry this comment is a bit late-the op might be over by now? Please don't worry too much about the general. Since you've had one before things will probably be fine. I am very excited for you too! This is so great, maybe a special Xmas present is on the way :)
    xxxooo

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  28. I hope everything went really well and you are recovering nicely now. What a lovely thing for your MIL to do!

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