It’s been one of the most exhausting weeks I’ve had in so long. Work is absolutely insane, and I’ve had something planned almost every evening, so I couldn’t work late. I’m actually at work right now – ugh. But I’m taking a break to let y’all know what’s been going on, and the decisions we’ve made. On top of all the craziness at work/home, I hate being in a place where I’m not sure which direction I’m going, and to have unmade decisions outstanding, so this whole Houston vs. Vegas thing for IVF has been incredibly worrisome and stressful. Thanks to everyone for their comments on this decision – your opinions and experience have really helped!
Everyone kept telling me to go with my gut, so I tried to have some heart to heart conversations with my gut. The problem is my gut is very wishy washy. Honestly, my gut was probably leaning towards Vegas, because I feel so hopeful about Sher and his team. But after spending a bunch of time figuring out the insurance, and thinking about traveling (I’ve done so much lately, all I want to do is be at home!), I was leaning towards Houston. Like I said, very wishy washy. So we made the decision on Wednesday to wait until the NK cells testing came back to decide. We decided that if those came back activated, then we would do IVF in Vegas, and if not, then we would do it in Houston. And I felt comfortable with this. But then on Thursday I talked to the office coordinator in Vegas to ask about postponing my meeting with the nurse that was scheduled for Friday, and we talked about timing. Turns out, that my NK cell results won’t come back until around November 16, and I would need to start taking the Lupron shots around November 12. I can’t wait to get the results to decide. And so I decided. I told the office coordinator to cancel my cycle in Vegas in December – I’ll be doing IVF in Houston. If that doesn’t work, then I’m going to Vegas.
Everything was pointing this direction, both doctors said I should be an easy case (then why the f don’t I have a baby???), I really don’t want to travel, and even if I have activated NK cells, I bet I could get the Houston doc to treat it the same way as Sher would have. The hubs is really happy that I made this decision. And me? I’m not sure. When I first told the lady that I wouldn’t be cycling in December in Vegas, as soon as I got off the phone, I started crying. Oh no – what if I made the wrong decision? I had an appointment with my therapist that night, and she thinks the crying was all the losses coming up – oh no, here we go again. The Houston doc is so familiar – this clinic, and these people, this is where I’ve been pregnant, this is where I’ve lost my babies. Continuing to go back there is hard – I have so many memories of that place, whereas Sher in Vegas only represents hope. No bad memories to associate with him. She has a point, it makes sense. I’m going with that, because I can’t think of the alternative – I can’t keep questioning my decision.
So now I’m working on getting excited about doing IVF in Houston. I honestly think it will be much easier. I think I’ll feel better once we figure out all the insurance stuff – the hubs starts his new job tomorrow. Once I hear from the clinic that the insurance company approved the procedure, and once I figure out a calendar, I think I’ll feel better. So that’s the plan for this week – figure all that out, and map out a plan. That, and get a hysteroscopy – that should be fun!