It’s been awhile since my last post. I just haven’t felt like blogging much. I’ve been trying to get some semblance of a life back, and trying to keep my infertile life in perspective.
Today I finally cancelled my doctor’s appointment that was scheduled for tomorrow. It was supposed to be my 12 week checkup, with an NT scan and everything. I was going to be 12 weeks on Friday. I kept looking at this appointment on my calendar, and couldn’t pick up the phone to cancel it. I kind of wanted the reminder. My baby was going to be 12 weeks old this week…
I’ve had some horrible events that have certainly given me some perspective. One of our friends was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. She went in for a routine mammogram, and they found a 5 cm tumor. It wasn’t in her lymph nodes, or blood, but they found a spot of cancer on her vertebrae. Once they found that, it went from Stage 2 to Stage 4. They did a biopsy of her bone last Friday, and we’re waiting to hear the results. We’re hoping for bone cancer and not breast cancer in her bone, but it’s a small chance that it’s bone cancer. Hopefully she just happened to get bone cancer at the same time as breast cancer, and it’s not breast cancer that has spread to her bone. Because if it has metastasized, then it’s Stage 4. The chance of living 5 years after being diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer is only 20%. She just started doing chemo, and then the plan before they found cancer in her bone was to do a double mastectomy, but the doctor is now saying that it’s not worth it to remove the tumor. She’s fighting to do it, but it depends on how the chemo goes as to whether she will do surgery. Heartbreaking.
And I just found out this morning that one of my friends had a heart attack over the weekend. She’s fine now, but she went in the hospital Saturday morning after having chest and arm pains for a couple days. The entire bottom part of her heart was blocked. She had to have surgery on Saturday and they inserted some stints. So incredibly scary. And they’re thinking of releasing her from the hospital today! I really hope she stays in there for another day or two. I’ll go see her tonight – whether it’s at her home or the hospital.
So what I’ve learned from all this is it could be worse. I’m healthy and relatively happy (depends on the day…) and I have some really good things in my life. I need to be more grateful, and celebrate the good things. I’m trying to be happier, as I firmly believe that we can control our own happiness. I’m so inspired by my friend with breast cancer – she’s the most positive person I know. She has said that she could choose to sit in a corner at home and be sad for herself, or she could try to make the most of the time she has left. I called her today to see how she’s doing, and she asked me to go shopping for a wig with her this weekend. I need to make sure to stay positive for her, and try to make it fun. Because a big part of me wants to sit in a corner and be sad for her!