Sunday, November 7, 2010

What a Week!

It’s been one of the most exhausting weeks I’ve had in so long. Work is absolutely insane, and I’ve had something planned almost every evening, so I couldn’t work late. I’m actually at work right now – ugh. But I’m taking a break to let y’all know what’s been going on, and the decisions we’ve made. On top of all the craziness at work/home, I hate being in a place where I’m not sure which direction I’m going, and to have unmade decisions outstanding, so this whole Houston vs. Vegas thing for IVF has been incredibly worrisome and stressful. Thanks to everyone for their comments on this decision – your opinions and experience have really helped!

Everyone kept telling me to go with my gut, so I tried to have some heart to heart conversations with my gut. The problem is my gut is very wishy washy. Honestly, my gut was probably leaning towards Vegas, because I feel so hopeful about Sher and his team. But after spending a bunch of time figuring out the insurance, and thinking about traveling (I’ve done so much lately, all I want to do is be at home!), I was leaning towards Houston. Like I said, very wishy washy. So we made the decision on Wednesday to wait until the NK cells testing came back to decide. We decided that if those came back activated, then we would do IVF in Vegas, and if not, then we would do it in Houston. And I felt comfortable with this. But then on Thursday I talked to the office coordinator in Vegas to ask about postponing my meeting with the nurse that was scheduled for Friday, and we talked about timing. Turns out, that my NK cell results won’t come back until around November 16, and I would need to start taking the Lupron shots around November 12. I can’t wait to get the results to decide. And so I decided. I told the office coordinator to cancel my cycle in Vegas in December – I’ll be doing IVF in Houston. If that doesn’t work, then I’m going to Vegas.

Everything was pointing this direction, both doctors said I should be an easy case (then why the f don’t I have a baby???), I really don’t want to travel, and even if I have activated NK cells, I bet I could get the Houston doc to treat it the same way as Sher would have. The hubs is really happy that I made this decision. And me? I’m not sure. When I first told the lady that I wouldn’t be cycling in December in Vegas, as soon as I got off the phone, I started crying. Oh no – what if I made the wrong decision? I had an appointment with my therapist that night, and she thinks the crying was all the losses coming up – oh no, here we go again. The Houston doc is so familiar – this clinic, and these people, this is where I’ve been pregnant, this is where I’ve lost my babies. Continuing to go back there is hard – I have so many memories of that place, whereas Sher in Vegas only represents hope. No bad memories to associate with him. She has a point, it makes sense. I’m going with that, because I can’t think of the alternative – I can’t keep questioning my decision.

So now I’m working on getting excited about doing IVF in Houston. I honestly think it will be much easier. I think I’ll feel better once we figure out all the insurance stuff – the hubs starts his new job tomorrow. Once I hear from the clinic that the insurance company approved the procedure, and once I figure out a calendar, I think I’ll feel better. So that’s the plan for this week – figure all that out, and map out a plan. That, and get a hysteroscopy – that should be fun!

21 comments:

  1. Sending you warm, positive vibes are you move ahead with this plan!

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  2. Sounds like a good plan. Good luck to you with this cycle!!! Sending good vibes your way. I think our cycles might over lap a bit. I am starting lupron in about 10 days or so and expect ER in early to mid Dec. Looking forward to having the company along the way.

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  3. Yay for having a plan in place!! I think this will be a good decision for you. Wishing you SO much luck!!

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  4. It sounds like the right decision... and I'm sorry you're at work on Sunday :(

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  5. I'm glad that you reached a decision. I'm sending you all the positive thoughts I can.

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  6. Yippeee for a plan! I hope it all works out and you never have to go to Vegas...unless you want to.

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  7. I'm so glad you have a solid plan! Congrats on making the decision,and I'm sending you super-positive vibes for a wonderful cycle! :)

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  8. try not to look back and question yourself. : )

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  9. Hooray for having a plan in place!! I'm sending tons of positive vibes your way for the Houston cycle....

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  10. I've been so behind on everything going on with you, but please know I am thinking of you! <3

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  11. Good advice lulu. It must feel good to have reached a decision. I don't know how it feels to be in your shoes but I have equated a lack of sucess with my RE and well you know what is going on for me now. Good things can and will happen! This will be different it is your first (and hopefully only) ivf cycle. My hypnotherapist talked about always feeling calm and in control at appointments, I have really tried to take it to heart and repeat it like a mantra before each appointment.
    Good luck and I hope work is less hectic this week.

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  12. It is scary, making any kind of decision in this process. Because the stakes are SO HIGH, I always, always second guess myself. "What if I made the wrong choice? What if I did the other option and it ended in a baby? What if I never have a baby because of this choice?"

    I understand completely. I hope you don't have to go to Vegas at all (unless its a pleasure trip, not an IVF trip!) I hope that this cycle at Houston is the one that sticks!

    I HATE when they say you're an "easy case" or a "great candidate for treatment".
    I was told 40-50% chance of TWINS off my cycles. Virtual guarantee of baby. Here I am a year later still no living baby. I want to say to my Dr "Bet you feel pretty stupid now, huh? Telling me I had such HIGH ODDS. Wow do you look stupid now."

    Everything crossed for you love, everything.

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  13. Glad you were able to make a decision. IF is so hard, your body is not cooperating and I found that really rocked my confidence in my decisions. Good luck!

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  14. Making the decision to move onto IVF, no matter where, is the hardest part. I'm glad you've made your choice and are onto the next step soon! yay :)

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  15. Yay, I'm glad for some closure. I think staying at home will be so much less stressful, and that's worth a lot!

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  16. Sounds like a great plan. Good luck!!!

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  17. I think your plan is a very, very good one. The truth is that in choosing one, you're not ruling out the other. (Well, in a way I hope it does because I hope this happens on your first time out of the gate!). But there's so much anxiety that surrounds treatments anyway. I'm a huge believer in comfort and familiarity, in minimizing the stress (as much as is humanly possible).

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  18. I am so glad to find that you have made up your mind and that you truly feel it's the right choice for you! I cannot wait to hear you are getting started!!! So excited for you my friend...

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  19. I want to echo what Adele said. This was a tough decision and I think your therapist is on to something. I think many of us have talked about the ways that new plans, new doctors, next steps, etc renew our hope. Our doctors feed us hope when they tell us we will be "easy cases." I wonder why they do that? That said, I am excited for you and glad to hear that you have made a decision that works for you. Best Wishes as you start this cycle and take this next step to IVF!

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  20. I'm with you on the "easy case" label...
    And good luck!!

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