But it’s not. Today was going to be the day I tested, and saw a BFP. Today was going to be the day, at 12 days past retrieval, that it was a decent chance that I would see a BFP. As you could tell from my previous post, I’m a freak about POAS – we all know this. And I start testing too early. After getting all your responses (which by the way, are all over the map - just goes to show you we all have different experiences…) and looking at many different blogs where the ladies tested very soon after transfer and received positive tests, I tested. On Friday. At 5dp5dt. BFN, but that was ok. I didn’t believe it. I got up yesterday and was going to test again, but all my boxes of pregnancy tests were empty! When did that happen? I scrambled through my stuff and found some internet cheapie OPKs, so I used one of those – negative. But that was ok, I didn’t believe it.
But today, I woke up early, peed in a cup, and went to the store. Got some bagels, donuts for the hubs, a decaf latte (heavenly – haven’t had any drop of even decaf coffee in weeks!) and a box of FRER pregnancy tests… Talk about the breakfast of champions. And then I tested. And it was negative. And now I start to wonder. I now have doubt.
This has to work – I can’t even comprehend the possibility of this not working. Christmas is later this week. I decided awhile ago I wasn’t going to travel. We’ve never been in Texas for Christmas; we’ve always gone to Colorado. The hubs’ family is very close, and makes such a big deal about Christmas. We’ve always gone to his parent’s house for Christmas, and his mother’s birthday is on Christmas day as well. I knew that nobody would be happy with my decision to not travel, so I told the hubs that he could make his own decision about traveling. And I would be ok if he went to Colorado and left me in Texas. I just knew that I couldn’t – wouldn’t – travel during early pregnancy. I knew it wasn’t rational, and I didn’t care, and I shouldn’t make the hubs follow my irrational decision. And so he booked a flight for noon on the 24th, and will fly back the afternoon of the 25th. He’ll be gone for one night, and that’s ok. Or at least it was ok when I was going to be pregnant. I could sit at home with my little embryos and be at peace, by myself. It didn’t occur to me that I would be alone at Christmas and not be pregnant. I can’t even imagine…
I know I should have hope – it may be too early. I have to have hope. I know people have tested much later and received positives, but did they receive a negative at 12 dpo? I’m still hoping, but I really hope it’s worth it…
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Hi there, I am new to following your blog! I am praying for you that it's still just a little too early. Thinking of you, and hoping you will have good news in a few days.
ReplyDeleteOh my god. I don't even know what to say. I am so nervous for you.
ReplyDeleteThat is a really difficult situation to be in, sweetie. I don't have any experience to share about when tests turn positive, but I really hope that your beta does turn out to be positive. Fingers crossed for you. Hang in there. (((Hugs!)))
ReplyDeleteI am still hopeful for you.
ReplyDeleteKeep checking, when is your beta?
I'm going to pray hard it's just too early. It's just too early. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteKeeping everything crossed that it is early. It most definitely could be. I know at least one woman who got BFN up to (and including) 8dp5dt and then a positive beta and now has a 5 month old.
ReplyDeleteSo you are only at 7dp5dt. That still seems early. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh, honey. Testing early is such a temptation and often such a let-down--sometimes needlessly so. Pleasepleaseplease let this just have been too early. Praying for you and your tenacious little embies. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI've got everything crossed for you. I don't remember when I tested with IVF, so I can't help you there. But 12dpo seems early. Early enough that the RE's office doesn't do a beta until later, right?
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You are in my thoughts.
I NEVER poas for this very reason (unless it is the day of the beta). hang in there. I hate the "don't give up hope" responses, so I am not going to that to you. Just know that we are here to hold your hand through it!! When is your beta???
ReplyDeleteMy fingers are crossed for you! I hope it's just too early. Keep your hope alive!
ReplyDelete12dpt is maybe too early for a pee test. When is the bloodtest? Those are more accurate this early. hang on, my friend!
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping everything crossed that it's just too early (and it very well could be).
ReplyDeleteHang in there.
Ahh, how frustrating! I don't have the experience to answer that just yet. But let's hope it's still early!
ReplyDeleteOh Alex, I am praying and wishing and hoping for you. Take deep breaths, you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteLoads of love
Xoxoxo
Oh my I had the waiting....But I will say even if it is negative yes it will be a blow but you have so much to be optimistic about...You have so many frozen embies:) Your produced awesome eggs and great quality embryo's!!!! What always helped me was to make a plan B so that I wasnt completely devestated if things didnt work out...But Im still crossing my fingers for you:)
ReplyDeletei think tomorrow is a much better day to test. and is there something about keeping urine in a cup for a few hours before dipping a test in there that affects things?? after i finish writing this, i'm gonna google about testing after a lupron trigger. i won't understand a bfn at all here. ugh ... hpts. they make us crazy yet we can't resist either. try to hang in there babes. i'd be going a little cuckoo myself at this point, but i've heard of plenty of strange things happening, so you're still in the game. and btw, is it too late for you to buy a plane ticket to see dh's fam fam for xmas? i'd hate for you to be by yourself on xmas day. thinking of you :o) xoxo.
ReplyDeleteI have absolutely no good advice, but I am thinking of you and keeping everything crossed that a positive is on its way.
ReplyDeleteI can only say that I'm thinking of you and hoping that this was a test done too early. I had my own POAS drama today, so while our paths are different, I do relate.
ReplyDeleteJust keep thinking about how well you responded, how many eggs were retrieved and fertilized. I'll be thinking of you, fingers crossed and hope alive.
ReplyDeleteI got a negative that early with all 3 of my pregnancies, yep, even the twins. I have to wait until 16 dpo. And I didn't even start feeling pregnant until day 15, so please hang in there lovely lady and give it a couple more days before you try again.
ReplyDeleteyou are still early and there is DEFINITlEY hope to be had still!! Fingers crossed. I am knew to blogger (have been on tumblr) but know how you feel. We just had our first IVF cycle in Oct....best of luck!
ReplyDeleteoh dear, i hope the result changes.im so sorry. when can you find out for sure? chin up. keep posting and let us know. really really hope you get the best xmas gift ever.x
ReplyDeleteomg, I hope that it's too early! I hope I hope I hope. Just breathe, and keep peeing if it makes you feel better or distract yourself until the beta? Whatever happens, know that you have all of us here to support you!
ReplyDeleteStill early...Still hoping this is it for you!!!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to quick comment to let you know that I had an experience recently that taught me that you're not out until the beta. For real. So don't don't panic just yet. Keep doing everything you should be doing and take good care of yourself. Wait for the blood work and then go from there. I have my fingers crossed and am hoping for a positive blood test. Oh, and don't test at home anymore if you can. Try to hold out.
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping my crossables crossed that it's still just a bit too early! Hang in there friend....
ReplyDeleteI love this post because I am going thru the exact same thing. I'm 5dp5dt and already testing daily. I know it's early but I just want to see something so badly. And even though I know it's early, I still lose a little more hope every morning.
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy what those of us in the land of IF obsess about, like POAS. I'm praying that your tests were all just too early!
ReplyDeleteOh, what a rough few days... I just can't believe that this wouldn't have worked! I just can't. I think it is too early...
ReplyDeleteKeep on hoping, I think it was too early to test!
ReplyDeleteIt can still be too early for sure. Some people don't get positive tests until a week after AF hasn't shown and got negatives in the days leading up to a week past. I tested 3 days after AF was absent and it was a very faint positive at that point. Had I tested even a day earlier, I might not have seen anything. Every body (not everybody, but every body) is different. Every embryo is different. They all figure things out and start manifesting at different times. Definitely don't give up hope yet. It's far from over. :)
ReplyDeleteStep away from the sticks! They are torture devices! They are wrong all the time-false positives, false negatives! Testing too early, testing too often! It makes you crazy. If I had a dollar for every anguished post!
ReplyDeleteI only POAS if I start spotting & it is the day before my beta. I usually go into the beta without POAS.
I know right now it is no consolation, but overall you rocked this cycle. And you have a few frozen plan Bs.
Now, take a deep breath & keep your spirits up. Don't let those silly plastic sticks get you down!
Hang in there, sweetie. I'm staying hopeful that it was just too early!
ReplyDeleteHi Alex- thanks so much for your comment- I am so sorry you are going through pee stick hell right now. Thinking of you... sending hugs and thoughts and prayers and lots of good vibes.
ReplyDeleteOh Alex. I'm so, so much hoping that it's just too early. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete