I just got the call. My beta officially proved that I'm not pregnant - IVF #1 didn't work. I'm not surprised, I had given up on Friday when I tested negative, but I hate how optimistic and hopeful I can be, because I kept playing out fantasies in my head, what if I was wrong??? And so all weekend, and especially today, I still hoped. I hate this about me, that I can work myself up and continue to have hope even when all evidence points the other way. I guess this is what keeps me going through all this mess.
I need to schedule a consult with my doc, and I suppose we'll just go forward with a frozen transfer. I have to wait a month to do this, right? I think people usually have a cycle that's unmedicated before going forward with frozen, right?
The problem with going forward with frozen is it's less successful than fresh, and I keep getting older, and then what Dr. Sher said keeps coming up in my head. He said that given my LH levels are higher than my FSH levels on day 3, he recommends Lupron before stimming, and if you don't do this, it could affect egg quality. My local doc doesn't agree, but what if it's true? The 9 frozen embryos wouldn't be any better than the 2 that didn't make it, and they were fresh!
All I know is I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of trying to get pregnant. I know I have a few more rounds of this battle in me, but I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. We just did the most effective thing you can do to have a baby, and it didn't work. I know we have to just keep going and continue to try, but for how long? I wish I knew this was worth it, because today I'm not so sure.