Friday, December 24, 2010

No Christmas Surprise...

Well, my first IVF is over. Tested negative this morning. At 17 days past retrieval, and 12 days past transfer, I think we can call it. I have the beta on Monday, but please don't tell me I should have any hope - I just can't do that this weekend. It's too far gone for that.

Dropped the hubs off at the airport, and will be wallowing today for Christmas Eve... Actually a friend just called and he and his girlfriend are taking me out for a drink later. So that will be good. I'm handling it pretty well, only cried a little. I told myself this morning before I took the test that I'm strong, and I can handle anything that comes my way... I just really wish this wasn't it.
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40 comments:

  1. Still A Guest RoomDecember 24, 2010 at 12:06 PM

    I am so, so sorry for you. There are no good words...just know that I will continue to follow your story and hope for a wonderful ending.

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  2. RebeccaDecember 24, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    Giant (((hugs))) sweetie. I'm so sorry.

    (The word verification was "forksme" -- a much more polite version of what I'm thinking for you about now...)

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  3. MarlaDecember 24, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    I am so sorry, Alex. :( *hugs*

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  4. cdgDecember 24, 2010 at 12:33 PM

    So sorry Alex. Sending love to you and lots of holidays cocktails....

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  5. hopeisafourletterwordDecember 24, 2010 at 1:03 PM

    I'm so sorry, BFN's suck. Drown your sorrows in some cocktails and treat yourself to something nice or schedule a spa day, that always makes me feel a little better.

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  6. StacieDecember 24, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    Oh, Alex. I am so, so sorry. BFN's hurt so much.

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  7. KittyDecember 24, 2010 at 1:24 PM

    Ughhh... I'm so sorry Alex. What a craptastic Christmas present. (((Hugs)))

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  8. LauraDecember 24, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    you are strong and you will handle it! You are an amazing person who will wallow for a few days but then you're going to dust yourself off, get mad and get going on the next step. I am sorry that you had to get the negative, but I'm wishing and hoping that 2011 brings a healthy happy baby.

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  9. kkasunDecember 24, 2010 at 1:34 PM

    I am so sorry. You are strong and you will get through this. You will drink away the pain tonight and each day it will get better.
    I do have hope that 2011 will give you your BFP!

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  10. AnonymousDecember 24, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    Lots of hugs your way! Drink up!

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  11. AnonymousDecember 24, 2010 at 2:20 PM

    I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking about you. I'm glad you're friends are taking you out tonight.

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  12. KristaDecember 24, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this Alex. I really wanted this for you. Hang in there, you are still so young and will have your miracle soon!

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  13. KellyDecember 24, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    You are incredibly strong, but I really wish that this wasn't what you were facing either.

    I'm sorry.

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  14. junebugDecember 24, 2010 at 3:24 PM

    ((hugs)) Sending you my love!

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  15. CeejayDecember 24, 2010 at 4:00 PM

    Oh, I'm so sorry, Alex. I'm glad you have some friends to spend time with today. Please enjoy the drinks, and I hope the holidays goes by quickly for you.

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  16. HopeDecember 24, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    I'm so sorry, Alex. (((Hugs))) You will make it through this, but it does suck to be living it. Thinking of you.

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  17. AnonymousDecember 24, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Oh no! I'm sorry you have to go through this. Try to enjoy the evening with friends if you can! Hugs

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  18. LesleyDecember 24, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    I'm really sorry Alex-- this cycle has been such an emotional rollercoaster that I can well imagine that you are glad to have it behind you, although the outcome is so bitter.

    I am glad you are going for a drink with friends and VERY glad that you are spared having to pretend holiday cheer with your husband's family.

    I am sure you will have a bit of a cry into your dogs' fur later on, but I hope it is cathartic and leaves you hopeful for the new year. Those frozen embryos are such a beacon of hope right now, and I bet they'll do great in your less-medicated body in a couple of weeks... Hang in there, and have a big drink for me.

    xoxox

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  19. My VegasDecember 24, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    My heart is heavy for you tonight. Hugs to you. I am so sorry.

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  20. HeatherDecember 24, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    I'm so sorry. Thinking of you...

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  21. IllanareDecember 24, 2010 at 5:35 PM

    I am so sorry. Thinking of you and sending love.

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  22. RachDecember 24, 2010 at 6:08 PM

    Sending many thoughts. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

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  23. GurleeDecember 24, 2010 at 6:11 PM

    I am so sorry. I am thinking of you! I hope you can have a good holiday.
    (((hugs)))

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  24. LeslieDecember 24, 2010 at 6:37 PM

    I am mostly a lurker but wanted to say I am sorry! My first ivf was a BFN too....i remember the feeling and wish there was something to say to make it easier. I hope 2011 is your year!!

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  25. lady pumpkinDecember 24, 2010 at 6:41 PM

    Honey, I am so, so sorry this wasn't it. I'm grateful that your friend and his girlfriend are going to be there to drink with you tonight. Sending you Christmas Eve love and hugs.

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  26. TeamBabyCEODecember 24, 2010 at 7:34 PM

    I'm so sorry. BFNs are never ever easy, the holidays are making them sting more, it seems. Thinking of you.

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  27. AnnieDecember 24, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    So sorry to hear this sad news. I know there are no words that can ease the sorrow :(

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  28. jillDecember 24, 2010 at 11:06 PM

    *hug*

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  29. Nick and KristiDecember 25, 2010 at 4:05 AM

    Girlie Im so sorry but you have so many other frozen embies to fall back on but none the less still doesnt make things easy when everything seemed so perfect...Have a drink and just kick back...you can look towards the future later...Take Care

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  30. Mel.December 25, 2010 at 8:30 AM

    I'm so very sorry, Alex! Sending you many hugs and much love....

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  31. AnonymousDecember 25, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    I am so sorry...**hugs**

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  32. StephanieDecember 25, 2010 at 2:23 PM

    I'm sure "sorry" doesn't help much right now, but I truly am. I was so hoping this would work for you and you'd have your Christmas miracle - you sound like you are being very strong though. HUGS!

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  33. LuluDecember 25, 2010 at 8:57 PM

    Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I hope you got through Christmas alright.

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  34. ADecember 26, 2010 at 9:51 AM

    Im so sorry :(

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  35. Melissa GDecember 26, 2010 at 11:01 AM

    Alex, I'm so sorry. I hope 2011 brings us both much better news.

    Hugs.

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  36. AnonymousDecember 26, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

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  37. ECDecember 27, 2010 at 6:53 AM

    I'm so sorry, what a terrible christmas present. I hope you are doing ok.

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  38. TrinityDecember 27, 2010 at 7:34 AM

    Alex, my heart is heavy for you. Keeping you in my thoughts... XXX

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  39. AnonymousDecember 27, 2010 at 9:23 AM

    I'm sorry this cycle didn't work but I think your body is just that much more ready. Rooting for you lovely lady!

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  40. jill's infertility documentDecember 27, 2010 at 12:59 PM

    You are strong, Alex. You have been in my thoughts and will be today while you wait for your beta. I'm so sorry this cycle did not work. Sending hugs your way.

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