You know when you have those crappy IF days – when the weight on your shoulders feels heavier than normal? That is today. I’ve been good, been excited about having a new plan, but today does not feel good.
It probably doesn’t help that AF will show soon. My temps, after falling earlier this week, then went back up. I’m currently 13 DPO, and I did something stupid this morning – I POAS, and of course it was negative. I realized today that since I’ve been doing the progesterone suppositories, I think it jacks up my temps. Also, I’ve never taken progesterone without getting pregnant – it will postpone AF, right? Do I need to stop taking it in order for AF to show?
So I’m sad about this cycle not working. I didn’t have a lot of hope, and earlier this week I started expecting it not to work out, given my wacky temps, but I still had that glimmer of hope. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, it could have worked. And it didn’t.
It also didn’t help that last night I had one of the worst social events for my IF that I’ve had. My friend R had her 40th birthday, and a few of us met for drinks and dinner. My hubs couldn’t go because he didn’t feel well, and so I went by myself. Everyone there had kids, and they kept bitching the entire night about how awful it is, how glad one guy was who had a vasectomy, how much they wished they didn’t have their children. I didn’t know most of the people, and person after person kept asking me if I have kids. NO, I DON’T HAVE ANY CHILDREN!!! BUT IT’S NOT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT THEM, IT’S BECAUSE I CAN’T!!! No, I didn’t yell it, but I really wanted to. At one point, it was R and one of her friends and me, and she knows about what we’ve been through. So R, in her drunk little state, started telling her friend that I want kids and I’ve had “struggles”. Her friend just looked at me in pity, asked me how old I was, I said 35, and she called me young – I have plenty of time. Ugh. It took all I had to not say anything. I just looked at her and told her I’d go get her another drink. I don’t want to be pitied, especially by some stranger bitch that has been talking all night about how awful her three kids are. It was an awful night, one of those that you just struggle to get through, telling yourself to just fake it, just act ok, you can cry in the car on the way home, just not now.