We Have a Chance

Thanks so much for your comments on yesterday’s post. I’ve had troubles with the bedroom stuff before, and I probably will again, but it makes me feel so much better that I’m not alone in this – thank you to everyone who shared that they also have had problems in the bedroom. It’s amazing how IF can destroy different parts of our lives, and I think our sex life is one of the first areas to be hit. This is our first month trying naturally since December, and it’s amazing how quickly we can go back to those feelings of inadequacy. Why do I think the hubs doesn’t want to have sex when I ask him to? It could be because he’s honestly tired or distracted or something, it could be that he’s afraid about making a baby and having something wrong again like Leslie suggested (I suspect that this could be true, but he hasn’t admitted it), or it could be what Tishi suggested and I should initiate a whole lot more and then ovulation time wouldn’t be so different. At least that’s what the hubs said last night when we talked about it and said, “You don’t want to have sex with me, you just want to make a baby.” And I hate to admit this, but right now, during this week, he’s right. I hate this about TTC. I hate this about IF – because it keeps going. Most people in this world have just a few months of this sex to make a baby stuff, so it doesn’t really get old, but we IFers just keep going and going and going – like the freakin’ Energizer bunny! Except bunnies make babies like, you know, bunnies!!!

So I listened to the hubs last night, and he said he doesn’t like it that I just want to have sex to make a baby – of course he doesn’t. When he turns me down, it makes me feel like less of a woman, and when I initiate and he thinks it’s only for his sperm, it probably makes him feel like less of a man. So I’m going to try to fix this – right here and now. I’m going to try to initiate more – OUTSIDE of ovulation time. Both of us deserve this. After talking a little last night, I’m happy to report that he initiated a little action last night – AND this morning. My temp hasn’t yet risen, and there’s all kinds of egg whites going on, so I’m very happy to report that we have a chance this month…

P.S. Liz, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog, I really appreciate it. But I respectfully disagree with your comment that my husband is sending a clear message when he doesn’t have sex with me. He has proven that he wants to have children with me (see previous posts on fertility treatments which are not cheap and which the hubs is definitely on board with). And he is not a sadistic, manipulative jerk who is clearly screwing with my head. Yes, we have our problems, but our relationship is not “one big mess” and I truly do not believe I am setting myself up for disaster if I have a baby with him. I would have responded directly to you, but there was no link to your blog. I would love to read your blog posts, especially if you have had IF issues – I would be very interested to read how you have had no sexual problems while trying with your husband to have a baby. From my understanding and discussions with others, you would be the exception rather than the rule, and I would love to hear about what you have done to have such an amazing relationship as I’m sure others would too.