Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Having a Bad IF Day

You know when you have those crappy IF days – when the weight on your shoulders feels heavier than normal? That is today. I’ve been good, been excited about having a new plan, but today does not feel good.

It probably doesn’t help that AF will show soon. My temps, after falling earlier this week, then went back up. I’m currently 13 DPO, and I did something stupid this morning – I POAS, and of course it was negative. I realized today that since I’ve been doing the progesterone suppositories, I think it jacks up my temps. Also, I’ve never taken progesterone without getting pregnant – it will postpone AF, right? Do I need to stop taking it in order for AF to show?

So I’m sad about this cycle not working. I didn’t have a lot of hope, and earlier this week I started expecting it not to work out, given my wacky temps, but I still had that glimmer of hope. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, it could have worked. And it didn’t.

It also didn’t help that last night I had one of the worst social events for my IF that I’ve had. My friend R had her 40th birthday, and a few of us met for drinks and dinner. My hubs couldn’t go because he didn’t feel well, and so I went by myself. Everyone there had kids, and they kept bitching the entire night about how awful it is, how glad one guy was who had a vasectomy, how much they wished they didn’t have their children. I didn’t know most of the people, and person after person kept asking me if I have kids. NO, I DON’T HAVE ANY CHILDREN!!! BUT IT’S NOT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT THEM, IT’S BECAUSE I CAN’T!!! No, I didn’t yell it, but I really wanted to. At one point, it was R and one of her friends and me, and she knows about what we’ve been through. So R, in her drunk little state, started telling her friend that I want kids and I’ve had “struggles”. Her friend just looked at me in pity, asked me how old I was, I said 35, and she called me young – I have plenty of time. Ugh. It took all I had to not say anything. I just looked at her and told her I’d go get her another drink. I don’t want to be pitied, especially by some stranger bitch that has been talking all night about how awful her three kids are. It was an awful night, one of those that you just struggle to get through, telling yourself to just fake it, just act ok, you can cry in the car on the way home, just not now.

28 comments:

  1. OMG! What a horrible night! I would have got drunk, screamed obscenities and shoved people in the pool - Oh, wait, I'm not a real housewife of Kansas - I would have just grinned and beared it. Sigh. ((Hugs))

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  2. Oh man that party sounds like pure torture. I hate, HATE having to listen to people whine about their kids and complain about how much of a burden it is. I'm sorry, but you wanted kids, you got kids, deep down you love your kids, so shut the f*ck up. There is never a good response that I can come up with.

    Hugs to you today. I'm sure that my first cycle back was a bust as well ~ I went to urgent care for a tetanus shot on sunday and they made me POAS - negative of course. I expect AF to show up tomorrow morning on our anniversary. one good thing - lots o wine! :-).

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  3. that sounds like such a crappy night.... I am sorry that you have to be around such insensitivity. Imagine how the kids felt hearing that their parents didn't want them there (even if it was just for the night). I don't know enough about progesterone to say whether you should stop taking it or what... but if it works the same way that provera does, it might be keeping AF from showing up? I am hoping that you have a much better end to your week!

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  4. Yuck, that does sound horrible :( I know what you mean about not wanting people's pity. Sending lots of *hugs*

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  5. ugh, that totally sucks. You deserve an entire bottle of wine after enduring that night. I am not saying that none of us will never complain about the difficulties of parenting, but I know we never be those women who you were stuck with last night. I say next time, decline the invite and send a nice thoughtful gift instead.
    As for progesterone, I have never gotten my period while still on it. Typically, it will come 2 to 3 days after I stop the progesterone (both oil and suppositories). Usually, the clinic will tell me to stop after a negative beta. I hope this helps.
    Sorry for this BFN, any chance you are testing too early????

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  6. So sorry, Alex. That sounds like a shitty night. I would have cried too! Be nice to yourself today...you deserve it.

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  7. People really need to think sometimes. I have to admit it never really bothered me before hearing other people complain about their kids, but now that I'm having trouble in that area, I am much more sensitive to it. I'm sorry your temps are starting to fall and it looks like this cycle didn't work. Thinking of you!

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  8. we're going on vacation next week with my SIL and her fam and some friends. they ALL have kids and ppl are already b*tching about "ugh, charlotte is TEETHING, i need a vacay", "christopher keeps wetting the bed, ugh". well you know what ppl? i'd LOVE to have these complaints!!! ugh.

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  9. I have no idea if progesterone affects temps as I never did the two together, but it will definitely delay AF or may not even come without it.

    I am sorry this cycle didn't work out. :( And that you had a crappy night with insensitive people.

    Hugs to you.

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  10. What an awful night. I'm so sorry. It just sounds horrible. I admire you for keeping your mouth shut. I'm not sure I would have been able to do the same.

    I believe that progesterone delays AF but I'm not sure what impact it has on your temps. I'm just so sorry I don't have more to offer. (((HUGS)))

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  11. Horrible. I don't know how you managed and I'm sorry you had to. I think much if the world is clueless. I am starting to master the "drop in" whereby you make enough of an appearance to be noted but can escape unscathed in under a half hour. Highly recommended for crap situations. I'm just sorry otherwise, Hun. A huge hug from me here.

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  12. I'm so sorry about you're awful night. As for the p4 supps, I would usually stick my finger up there before I put one in to check for blood, and I always got the blood while still taking them. One time it wasn't until 18dpo, but AF still came. I know someone who quit taking them after a BFN at 14dpo, started bleeding, and then found out that she had actually been pregnant and lost it because she quit the hormones. So don't quit until at least 16dpo or so!

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  13. Hearing people complain about their kids, even if they are just venting, is one of the hardest things. I'm sorry you had such a bad night!

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  14. That sounds AWFUL. Ugh!!! First of all, I hate people who talk about their kids at an adult gathering AT ALL. Whether to brag or complain-- you left your kids with the babysitter, leave the stories at home, too!!! Soooo obnoxious, and also sorta pathetic. Don't they have ANYTHING else to talk about with the fellow adults?

    And 13dpo is still early.

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  15. I certainly do know those days...and I'm so sorry you're having one. That night does sound absolutely awful, and in the midst of what appears to be another failed cycle, too. Either one of those would have me crying in bed.

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  16. Oh, what a horrible night. I wish people would appreciate what they have and be a little sensitive. I'm so sorry it has been such a bad IF day. :(

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  17. That royally sucks! It even sucks for those kids. Bummer. I'm sorry you had to go it alone. I get seriously pissed when people say "oh, you are young". I'm always thinking...Look dumbass, 30's may be young in the grand scheme of things but not fertility, you f*ck whit.

    hugs, hang in there. Thanks for your support when you are feeling like poop.

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  18. Ugh, painful. What a horrible way to spend an evening.

    Yes, the progesterone will keep AF away (and the drop in progesterone after you stop triggers AF).

    *hugs*

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  19. Those nights suck. I am sorry you are feeling low. You should scream that out next time.

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  20. I feel your pain. After my HORRIBLE IF weekend I was in a terrible funk. Some days are just better than others. I'm hoping tomorrow is one of those days for you.

    Take care.

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  21. OMG, what a horrible night! I'm so sorry, I can't believe people. Ugh!!

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  22. Hey Alex,
    I am so sorry you had such an awful night. I can't believe that stranger was such a cow to you. If you ever need to vent in private, you can always email me: anxiousmummy@hotmail.com. I am here for you no matter what.
    xxx

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  23. It does sound like the night from hell!! I am so sorry and wish I had been there to put those women in their place!!! BIG HUGS!!

    About the progesterone I was on it and still got my period so you don't have to stop taking it for that reason but if it's too much of a bad reminder stop taking it. As usual with IF meds there is never a straight answer!

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  24. Yikes, that does not sound like a fun evening. I don't know that I would have been able to go, especially alone!

    And for Progesterone, when it is used to start a period, you take it for 10 days or so, then stop, then your period starts. But if you're on it for another reason, I don't know that the same applies. On my last cycle (THE cycle) I had been on Progesterone, but was traveling so I ended up missing my normal time for taking it. Then my period started so I stopped. That was after 6 days of Prometrium.

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  25. Hi Girl...Man def bad night...Im telling you like my insurance lady was and is so ignorant so is the rest of the public...unless you are going through IF or have been through it you just dont get it....and whenever you see someone screaming at their children and dragging them by the arm in public you want to scream or when a friend says to you you can take all my children and laughs it makes us cringe....In my mind its just one of those things that will always haunt and IF person

    As far as progesterone when we were trying naturally I would do the suppositories and yes it will increase your temps and delay your cycle...so I would test and if it wasnt positive I would stop them and usually a few days later I would start my period.....

    I stll want you to be positive:) Maybe this cycle wasnt meant to be because of your latest discoveries and maybe a plan needs to be in play first before a pregnancy will be a sucess...I know for me I had to have everything just so before it finally worked.....Hang in there:) Hugs!!!!

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  26. That was a super terrible night. So sorry you had to endure it!
    As for the progesterone I always had to stop it for AF to show, so if this cycle was not THE cycle you should stop it too. Much love and huge hugs your way. Fran

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  27. That sounds like a horrible, bruising evening - I'm so sorry. I'm with you, I can take just about anything except for other people's pity. And the idea that it's coming from someone who has just spent the evening complaining about her own kids...well, I think my head would explode. Sending you hugs.

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