Thursday, August 5, 2010

We Have a Chance

Thanks so much for your comments on yesterday’s post. I’ve had troubles with the bedroom stuff before, and I probably will again, but it makes me feel so much better that I’m not alone in this – thank you to everyone who shared that they also have had problems in the bedroom. It’s amazing how IF can destroy different parts of our lives, and I think our sex life is one of the first areas to be hit. This is our first month trying naturally since December, and it’s amazing how quickly we can go back to those feelings of inadequacy. Why do I think the hubs doesn’t want to have sex when I ask him to? It could be because he’s honestly tired or distracted or something, it could be that he’s afraid about making a baby and having something wrong again like Leslie suggested (I suspect that this could be true, but he hasn’t admitted it), or it could be what Tishi suggested and I should initiate a whole lot more and then ovulation time wouldn’t be so different. At least that’s what the hubs said last night when we talked about it and said, “You don’t want to have sex with me, you just want to make a baby.” And I hate to admit this, but right now, during this week, he’s right. I hate this about TTC. I hate this about IF – because it keeps going. Most people in this world have just a few months of this sex to make a baby stuff, so it doesn’t really get old, but we IFers just keep going and going and going – like the freakin’ Energizer bunny! Except bunnies make babies like, you know, bunnies!!!

So I listened to the hubs last night, and he said he doesn’t like it that I just want to have sex to make a baby – of course he doesn’t. When he turns me down, it makes me feel like less of a woman, and when I initiate and he thinks it’s only for his sperm, it probably makes him feel like less of a man. So I’m going to try to fix this – right here and now. I’m going to try to initiate more – OUTSIDE of ovulation time. Both of us deserve this. After talking a little last night, I’m happy to report that he initiated a little action last night – AND this morning. My temp hasn’t yet risen, and there’s all kinds of egg whites going on, so I’m very happy to report that we have a chance this month…

P.S. Liz, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog, I really appreciate it. But I respectfully disagree with your comment that my husband is sending a clear message when he doesn’t have sex with me. He has proven that he wants to have children with me (see previous posts on fertility treatments which are not cheap and which the hubs is definitely on board with). And he is not a sadistic, manipulative jerk who is clearly screwing with my head. Yes, we have our problems, but our relationship is not “one big mess” and I truly do not believe I am setting myself up for disaster if I have a baby with him. I would have responded directly to you, but there was no link to your blog. I would love to read your blog posts, especially if you have had IF issues – I would be very interested to read how you have had no sexual problems while trying with your husband to have a baby. From my understanding and discussions with others, you would be the exception rather than the rule, and I would love to hear about what you have done to have such an amazing relationship as I’m sure others would too.

17 comments:

  1. Yay :) (and down with the rude commenter...)

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  2. I just read these last two posts. I can relate to the bedroom issues, except it's me who never feels like doing it. It sucks all around, no matter what position you are in, and I completely agree sometimes it's easier to go on auto-pilot with the medicated cycles. It sounds like you have a great plan in place for you and hubby, that addresses both of your needs.

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  3. Plus- Wow. I just read the comment from last time that you mentioned. It sounds like she didn't really see the big picture. She was clearly wrong. Good for you for addressing it!

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  4. Yay! Good sex with EWCM! Oooohhh, I hope this is it!

    And I'm glad you guys seemed to work things out a little bit. I can't WAIT until this grueling ordeal is over for you guys, and you have your baby.

    As for Liz, that is so weird. I just clicked back to your old post to see what she said and, wow, is she ever rude! and uninformed! What a freak. Don't worry about her at all, she is totally stupid and should just go away and be pathetic by herself somewhere.

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  5. Yay for EWCM, getting things out in the open and good sex!! :)

    And, seriously, Liz, I think you're a little out of your element here if that's what you really think you condescending little...ahem...I think I will refrain from name calling here.

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  6. Liz sounds like she has never been through IF. My hackles went up when I read that post. If we were in a bar and she said that to you, Alex, I'd smack her. Ha! Look at me getting all protective!!!

    Go swimmers!!!

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  7. Huzzah for communication and a little action! I hope it keeps up!

    As for the random commenter...BOOOO. HISSSS.

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  8. Yay for EWCM and a shot this month!! We're on the exact same cycle and both on our first cycles back trying...Kinda eerie huh?? I think I will O today sometime and all kinds of egg whites last night. So yay for a shot!!

    Glad you talked with the hubs about things and it sounds like you guys have a great plan on how to prevent this problem in the future.

    And also - BOOO to Liz!! What a little b*tch. Sorry that someone so insensitive left you that comment.

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  9. I'm sorry you had an insensitive and out of line comment. I admire how honest you are on your blog, it is your safe place and we are all here to support you. You handled that comment very well--I'm impressed.

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  10. Yay, I'm glad you had a talk and it went well...and you got some action!!! Woo hoo!!! I agree on initiating outside of ovulation, I think I started doing that too to trick him into thinking it wasn't all just baby-making ;). Haha.

    I didn't see that comment but that's bullshit!!!!!

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  11. Sorry this comment is so late sweetie but I am still here, interested and reading! I am annoyed that you had to deal with that comment because what you said is absolutely true-IF definitely takes the fun and spontanaeity out of sex. All couples experience that. I'm glad things are picking up in that department though and that you guys are in with a chance this month. I agree it does make them feel better when you initiate outside of ovulation times-but initiation should be happening on both sides!! So hopefully he will do that more often. From reading your blog so often and becoming friends I know you are doing a lot to keep the lines of communication open with him. You are doing everything possible to make things work between you guys so don't you feel bad for one second. I know that's hard, but remember you are awesome!!

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  12. I can relate to this on so many levels. My hubs would be overjoyed if I initiated outside of my fertile window, I need to do it more, thanks for the inspiration :)
    I am glad you guys communicated. So important.
    Yay for EWCM!!!

    And what is up with an anonymous comment? I had one of those, I just ignored it and deleted it!

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  13. Every infertiles dream....sex with egg white cervical mucus...sounds like the perfect storm to me!! So glad that you and your hubs were able to talk about it. I tend to be the same way - with only initiating when i think it's "time" and while my husband has been a good sport so far....it definitley sends a clear message that i am not interested in sex but sperm! Your post has ecouraged me to initiate more during my non fertile times!!

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  14. Right on sweetie!! Glad you were able to talk things over.. Having the sex chat whilst TTC is not easy but I find honesty works best. Good on you and glad to hear it worked and both you and Dh feel good about it now.
    About that comment, I didn't read it but good on you for setting things straight! I have never heard of any couples who didn't have at least a few issues when it comes to sex and TTC.. Most of the time if felt like I had to 'rape' my husband in order to have sex at the right time and of course this didn't last long until we had fights and our sex live went down the toilet. It's not an easy time and it's not an easy balance to find. People who have TTC with difficulty and say otherwise are lying or in denial!

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  15. Liz SUCKS!

    I just had to chime in with everyone else: difficulty with sex around ovulation (and in general) is totally normal when TTCing- especially when there have been obstacles.

    My husband and I have only been TTCing since the beginning of this year and only recently realized I don't ovulate on my own... and let me tell you, the addition of a little clomid and temping has added a ton of strain in the bedroom. He has been "compliant" so far, but there has definitely been increased fighting, stress, and tears. I can only imagine the longer we have to do this, the more stressful it will become.

    I am so glad you and hubs talked. Way to go on catching EWCM, good luck! Fingers crossed!

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  16. That's great about being in the running!!! I'm so glad, and I am going to put all of my (very, very positive) energy into crossing everything for you.

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  17. Yay for EWCM and for good timing! Yay for a good talk too, it always helps to get it out there.

    Very tactful handling of the nasty commenter, you were much less hostile than I would have been!! : )

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