One beautiful sac, a yolk, and the beginning of a pole! I went into my doc’s office this morning for an ultrasound and blood work, and everything looks good for 5 weeks, 2 days. I have one perfectly developed sac, no heartbeat, but that will likely be next week. It’s still early for a heartbeat. I’m thrilled that everything looks good. Somewhat nervous, but I’m managing to keep most of the anxiety at bay.
And yet… I hate to say this, but I’m a little disappointed. I really wanted twins. I know this makes me seem ungrateful, but I’m not – I’m thrilled I’m pregnant, and everything looks good so far. I’m just a little disappointed. I’ve always wanted twins, but it’s more than that. I wanted to be done trying to conceive. With the news that there’s one little baby growing inside me, it means that I’m not yet done. We want at least two children, and we’re not going to stop until we have two. And I was really hoping to be done with this one pregnancy. But now I know that even after this pregnancy, I have to go through it again. I’m comforted that we have frozen embryos waiting for us, but still – I hate this part of my life – the trying to conceive part. I want to be done. And now I know that I won’t be done for at least a couple more years.
I hope this makes sense, and I don’t seem like some kind of ungrateful bitch, because that’s how I feel having any negative thoughts on the day that I find out that I have one perfect little sac. But there’s so much history in everything I do in this baby-making front, I can’t help it. OK, I’m done complaining – I won’t bring this up again, but I wanted to be honest about my feelings.
Overall, things are really good. The hubs got out of the shower this morning and looked at me while I was blowdrying my hair. He laughed, and said, “Why are you smiling?” I was just standing there blowdrying my hair, thinking about the baby in my belly, and smiling. I really hope I get to keep this little one – I’m getting quite attached!