I have a friend at work who is one of the nicest people ever. We hang out quite a bit, even outside of work, but we’re not incredibly close. But we talk. We’re part of a trivia group, so we’ve been meeting every week at a bar for about three years, playing trivia and drinking beer. There have been times over the last three years that I wouldn’t drink, and she has been suspicious. So I told her awhile ago that we were trying to get pregnant. And I told her last June that I was pregnant. And I told her last June that I lost my baby. And I told her again sometime that we were doing treatments. She’s always been nice, and supportive, but I could tell she didn’t quite understand.
She asked me earlier this week why I haven’t been coming to trivia, but the hubs has still been going. I told her because it was in a bar that allowed smoking, and I’m too tired – I’m not interested in going right now. She asked if I was pregnant, and I said yes – I’m certainly not going to lie to a direct question. She said congratulations, and I told her it was early, and too early to get excited about it yet, but thank you.
I just ran into her at the coffee bar, as we were both getting smoothies. (With strawberries and bananas – just about my only source of fruit right now…) As the smoothie machine was loudly processing, she asked me how I was feeling, I told her not very good, but that’s ok, thanks for asking. And then she started talking about how much my life was going to change, and how I had no idea how much work kids are, blah blah blah. Before I knew it, things were coming out of my mouth like she had no idea how long I’ve been trying to have a baby, or how many babies I’ve lost, so I really hope my life is going to change. And I started tearing up. She looked at me with horror on her face. I mumbled sorry, I’m just a little nervous as it’s early and I don’t want to lose the baby. We both tried to recover, and went on our way.
I know she was meaning well, she’s really such a sweet woman, but I didn’t want to hear how difficult it was to have a child. I haven’t told many people yet, and most of the people I’ve told understand my fear because they’ve been by my side throughout the process, but what about when I tell the rest of the people? I have to come up with something better to say than “you have no idea about the babies I’ve lost and how long we’ve been trying to have a baby!”