The Power of Comments

You helped me, you really did. I made it through the baby shower – unscathed – and I owe most of it to my readers’ words. You made me believe in myself that I could get through it, and I did. And the other thing that helped so much is there were a couple moments that were tough during the shower, and I would just grab my phone, and scroll through a few of your comments that you sent me. Knowing all of my infertiles were behind me, cheering me on, helped me get through a tough day. So thank you!!!

The shower went fine – it was pretty quick, not too many people, and I didn’t tear up once. I noticed that I didn’t talk much. I didn’t really have much to add to the conversations all about babies and pregnancy. I was one of two women there without children. And I overheard her tell someone that she just stopped taking birth control, and they were starting to try. Oh great, another one that I’m sure will get knocked up right away. There were four little girls there, ranging from almost-two to six, and they were all so cute and well-behaved. Which actually kind of sucks – I always can rely on one or two kids being so incredibly bratty that they make me question whether I want children or not. But no, all of the girls were on their best behavior and in their little party outfits. Ugh. And my friend opened present after present of cute little boy outfits, matching or coordinating, oh so adorable. As I wrote every present down, I could feel my uterus ache. I want twin boys! Why can’t it be me? OK, I’m done whining…

The good news about the baby shower is I made it through, my friend got a lot of stuff that she needs, and I think everybody had a nice time. And it’s done!

Four more days – I find out on Friday. I’ve been feeling so nauseous the last few days. Everything smells gross, everything tastes gross. I think I’m either a psychosomatic crazy person or pregnant. I think either option is equally possible. And guess who brought up POAS last night – the hubs! I was complaining about being hungry, but not wanting to eat anything, and he offered to go to the store. I asked “what are you going to get that I will want to eat?” He said, “a pregnancy test.” We debated – I told him I would pee on it if he wanted me to. Laziness won out – he didn’t go to the store. Now he’s the one that wants me to pee on something! Well, maybe… I still have my goal of not peeing on anything prior to the blood test. I would love to see a positive result, but I want my four days of positive possibility. You can’t get that back if you pee on a stick, and it’s negative…