Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!

As I look back at 2010, my first thought is to think of the bad things, primarily related to my infertility: 3 IUI’s, 1 IVF, 1 ectopic pregnancy, 1 miscarriage at 8 ½ weeks, 1 MTHFR diagnosis, 1 activated NK diagnosis, no baby...

But I need to also focus on the good things of 2010:

-The hubs new job. He’s loving it, and if he likes his job, he’s a happy man. This has been really nice.

-Came out to most close people in my life about infertility. And most everyone has been pretty supportive. It has brought my mother and me closer, which is amazing in itself. And I’ve even started talking about my reproductive issues with my dad, and he’s been so sweet about it.

-Fabulous European vacation. 4 countries, great friends to vacation with, really good times.

-Closer with the hubs than ever before. All this infertility stuff really has helped us learn to talk to each other, or at least we’re trying.

-Started this blog. I can’t thank all of you enough for your support, and your willingness to listen to my crazy ramblings. I NEVER thought I would have a blog, but here I am, and I love it!

And so now I look forward to 2011:

This will be the year that I will get in charge of my weight. I will start treating my body well, and nourish it with good foods. And I will start exercising regularly. I will turn 36 this year. It is time for me to take care of this body! I have been neglecting it, and right now I’m angry at it for not working. I expect so much of my body that I need to be nicer to it. I’m not really doing any kind of weight loss goals, because who knows what will happen with fertility treatments and hopefully pregnancy. But no matter what, I will exercise. And eat good nutritious foods.

My job will be changing. I’m about 90% confident that there will be significant layoffs by the end of January. We’re all guessing it will be between 20%-50% of the company, and I’m guessing more like 30-40%. I’m also about 90% confident that I won’t lose my job, but I am about 100% confident that I will be losing some of the people that work for me, which would seriously suck. I’ve been here for 2 layoffs, and my job hasn’t really changed that much, but I think that this one will change my job a lot. The one person that really needs to leave is my direct boss, as he does just about nothing, and makes a ton of money. Seriously, from about 4 to 6 every day, he reads the paper. And from 8-10 every morning, he goes around and talks to people socially. He doesn’t have any work to do! We need to keep the “do-ers” and get rid of some of our upper people, but we don’t seem to do that. This will be the fourth layoff at our company since January 2007, and we tend to keep the VP’s, and get rid of the staff. In football, that would be the equivalent of firing all the waterboys and the guys on the bench if the team does poorly, instead of getting rid of the coach! So this will be interesting to see what happens.

We will continue to be as aggressive as possible with fertility treatments. We now have insurance with the hubs new job that pays for fertility up to $25K, and we’re going to bleed that dry. I spent about 3 hours yesterday working on my medical expenses for 2010, as we’ll be able to deduct them this year for the first (and hopefully last) time. Makes me sick how much all this costs. I would love to have a new year’s resolution about having a baby, or getting pregnant, or something. But I did that last year. And it didn’t work. This year, I will only make a resolution or goal with something I can control. And I can choose to keep going with fertility treatments. Statistically, if we keep trying, one of these times it will work, right? That’s the only thing that is keeping me going.

So as I look back to last year, and think about the next year, I’m not happy with 2010. It was hard, and I went through too much. I always knew it would be hard to have a baby – not because of anything in particular, but I just KNEW. But this hard? I had no idea. But this is just what we have to do to have our baby. For some reason, we have to go through all of this. And so we will.

I hope all of you have a wonderful New Year’s Eve tonight! We will be celebrating with friends at a small house party. I will be kissing the hubs and drinking champagne and having hope that 2011 will be a wonderful year for all of us!

26 comments:

  1. Happy New Year to you. I hope all your wishes come true in 2011 : )

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  2. Happy New Years and YEA to the fertility coverage!!

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  3. Happy New Year! Hoping 2011 is the year for you!

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  4. I hear you on your 'boss who does absolutely nothing and gets paid everything.' Dit-to! It's a shame that the hard workers lose their jobs and the higher-up's drink champagne.

    Speaking of drinking champagne, have a "Happy New Year!" Cheers!

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  5. Hope 2011 is extra happy for you!!

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  6. Hey Alex,
    You really did go through a difficult 2010 so I'm wishing that 2011 is much easier for you. I also hope you don't lose your job but, I guess at least if you did you'd still have hubby's insurance! You are so strong about all this and I'm REALLY hoping this is is your year! Hope you enjoyed your NYE, take care :)

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  7. I have just caught up here and wanted you to know how devastated I am for you this round. This year sucked. I have such hope for you in 2011 and know that there are such wonderful things ahead.

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  8. Happy New Year! Here's hoping that 2011 brings many good things!

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  9. I will be doing the same - small house party with friends and maybe some playing in the snow with my dog :) And I'll be wishing for GREAT things in 2011 for all my bloggy friends.

    Very happy I found your blog in 2010!

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  10. Cheers to a New Year!!! You deserve all the best in life:) I hope this year brings you so much happiness!!!

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  11. Happy New Year! I love that you are staying positive after all you have been through. I hope all your dreams come true in 2011!!

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  12. Happy New year lovely lady. 2011 is going to be awesome!

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  13. happy new year alex!! let's say good riddance to 2010 and i know 2011 will be a much better year for you. xoxoxoxo.

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  14. Happy new year! 2010 has been a rough one, your right, statistically we should be on the other side, soon. It is wonderful to have you as an amazing support, thanks :)

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  15. I love your attitude, Alex. Sometimes it's really hard not to be bitter towards fertiles, but I like how you are just looking at this as your personal challenge, and not comparing to others. The plus side of it all is that there will be no whining, only joy (ok, and terror), when you do get pregnant... which I am hoping is this month, with one of your "snow babies" (God, this IF lingo is cheesy!).

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  16. Never got a chance to wish you a happy new year!

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  17. I'm just getting back and catching up on blogs and so wanted to say first that I'm really sorry about the BFN. It just sucks, sucks, sucks. It really seems like you just caught the wrong end of the odds, though, so I really believe that one of your future cycles will do the trick. I'm really hoping for better things very early in 2011 for you.

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  18. Wishing you a Happy New Year to come!

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  19. It was hard, much harder than anyone deserves. But I'm very glad for the good things, and I am hoping that 2011 turns out to be a completely different story. For all of us!

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  20. First off, that is so awesome that your Hubby's job covers treatments!
    Ok - to my point - I've been thinking about your comment about not setting a goal to have a child - because really we have no control over that. It really is a silly goal for us to set (and depressing). We can make goals to be strong, to do treatments, whatever can be done. But it doesn't make sense to aim for things outside our circle of influence- thanks for that reminder.
    Good luck this year!

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  21. Happy new Year!
    Yes..you are so right! Make resolutions that you have control of. That is so helpful! That is so great that you have support from both parents..it is so helpful. There is nothing like the support you get from mom! That seems so common about your boss. Why do these companies take advantage of their employees?

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  22. It has been my experience that a bad, bad year gives way to a good year that helps cancel out the bad one. I pray that is the case for you this year.

    I can't believe you will have up to $25k for infertility, that is seriously awesome. I realize that doesn't translate to two full blown IVF procedures, but that money will still help you guys out a lot. I say go for it! Take that bull by the horns and show it who's boss!

    Here is to hoping that 2011 is your year!

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