Thursday, June 24, 2010

Another loss - and thinking about my own

Another one of us lost our baby - another blog sisters went to the doctor for a routine ultrasound, and there's no heartbeat. Please go support Krystal as she decides what to do. What a horrible decision - I know.

And see my post from yesterday about my feelings about this - I feel the same way.

I had started feeling better today, things were starting to look up, but not anymore. Seriously, we have to stop having these losses. So for all you pregos, tell your babies to stick and keep living, for pete's sake!!! OK? Maybe that will work - didn't work for me, but maybe you can convince your babies...

And in the meantime, really appreciate where you are. I was very inspired by Busted Kate's post today. She is trying to have a more positive attitude about her pregnancy, especially now that she is in the second trimester. It made me think about my pregnancy that ended last week.

I had 5 weeks and one day between the time that I got that BFP and the time when they told me my baby had no heartbeat. During that time, I was the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. I was worried until the ultrasound showed the baby was in the right place, and then I had relief. I was again worried until the ultrasound showed the heartbeat. But once I saw that heartbeat, you couldn't bring me down if you tried! Just because I was worried, doesn't mean that I wasn't so incredibly thrilled! And if you asked me, I honestly believed that I was going to have that baby. I didn't even consider the possibility of a miscarriage.

And I'm thankful that I had that time. I really loved that time when I thought all was right in the world, with my little baby in my belly. Even after the last week, when there were times that I couldn't figure out how I was going to be able to continue in my life, when I had such and complete despair, even after all that, I wouldn't trade that 5 weeks and one day for anything. I loved that little baby, and I cherished every moment I had with him.


  1. I cherished the time I had with my babies, too. It felt like an eternity. I still can't believe it was only a few weeks.

    Wishing you peace. I think of you often and I know how hard it is. (((HUGS)))

  2. Thanks so much for sending people to my blog. It means a lot to know there are people out there who care, even if they've never met me.

    I read some of your blog, and I am so very sorry for your loss, as well. If I may ask, what made you decide to get the d+c? I'm struggling with the choice right now, as I don't particularly want surgery, but I also don't want to wait around forever. I'm anxious to get it over with so I can maybe get back to feeling normal. It really sucks having pregnancy symptoms when you know there's no reason. Feel free to comment back on my blog. Thanks so much.

  3. I'm sorry that you have so many friends that are losing babies right now. I have noticed that too. I am hoping for sticky babies for everyone, there are enough losses right now!

  4. Oh my...i just went to her blog and left a message, I can't believe this is happening at such a rate. But you are tight, we have to enjoy the time we have with the baby, even if we are worried sick. Thank you so much for your comment on my blog and for this post. Much love, Fran

  5. This is so devastating there are so many losses at the moment. I am glad you had those moments of joy though, however fleeting. You are in my thoughts. Good to hear you were feeling better. (((HUGS)))

  6. I can't believe this keeps happening. It really does feel like we're being ambushed lately.

    That was so beautifully put, Alex. It has made me think the same way. The time I had my baby with me was bliss. I was worried to death but I never really thought I would lose it and felt so much happiness in the secret I knew and no one else around me did. I wouldn't want to have never experienced that wonderful time.

  7. What a sweet post Alex. I loved reading about your treasured time being pregnant, albeit far too short. You are right, its so important to savour the good and appreciate what you can from the situation. Its a hard process but I admire people who are able to treasure the good in a situation, even if the situation is dire.

    And yes, the grey cloud really seems to be settling in over blog land. It is so disheartening that there seems to be so much bad news around right now. xx

  8. What a beautiful post Alex.. really from the heart. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers they truly helped.

  9. I am so sorry for Krystal, and all the others who lost their little ones.

    This whole ordeal keeps me in check...I am little over 7 weeks now, and I know that I need to cherish everyday...because every next appointment could mean something different.

    I am very sorry for you loss, and I understand what you mean by 'I loved that baby'. I love the tiny being inside me too....

  10. I felt the same way! Hugs! It's so sad to go from being so happy to so sad!

  11. You're right. So much loss around right now that it's eerie. But I also appreciated that time. Even if I had moments of blind panic, there was the possibility that it would all turn out okay. And one day: it WILL.