Monday, April 19, 2010

Operation Positive Attitude

This month will be different. I’m going to do everything I can to maintain a positive attitude this month. I said last week that I will try to act as if this is the month, that this will work, and that in nine months, in early 2011, I will have a baby. I’m currently in the first half of my cycle, so it’s much easier to be in this positive mindset, and even if reality and success rates and such start creeping in later in the month, there are things I’m going to do to work on maintaining my positive attitude.

I’m continuing to meditate every day, go to therapy every week, and acupuncture every week. These things will help keep me going.

I’m thinking of stopping the temping this month. It’s gotten to be quite an easy habit, and I don’t mind doing it. But during the last IUI cycle, I don’t think it helped my mental attitude. After ovulating and the IUI, I would take my temp every morning, and then lay in bed, thinking about the temperature. Did it rise enough? Why isn’t it rising more? Oh no – it dropped a bit! What does this mean? Back when I was trying naturally, I think it helped to see the falling temps before AF showed up, as it would help me to be less surprised when the bitch finally showed, but I don’t know if it helped at all in the IUI. My temps were also very confusing given it was an IUI, and I was taking progesterone suppositories, and it ended up being an ectopic pregnancy, so I don’t think it helped, and it may have hurt the attitude… It’s not like I need the data from the temping as I’m giving control completely over to the doctors, but I always like knowing what’s going on with my body a little, and the temping helps me with that. Any thoughts from you ladies on this one?

Also, I need to cut down on the POAS when it gets closer. Last IUI cycle, I think I started testing every day around 9 days past IUI, and did it every day. I figured that if it was positive, I would want to know as soon as possible. But this was not healthy. I don’t think I can wait till the beta – don’t want to find out at work in the afternoon via a phone call, but maybe the morning of the beta I can test? Not sure what to do about this, but I need to make a plan in the next week or so, and stick to it. Maybe I can give the Hubs the tests, and have him hide them…

The shots are going well – I haven’t cried once! Last time I cried a little every time I gave myself a shot. I think I was mourning the loss of being able to get pregnant without help. This time I am ok with being an Infertile, or Subfertile, as I will call myself in my positive attitude spin of the month. I know that I need help, and that’s ok. The Hubs has been helpful too. For the last two nights, he has hung around and talked with me while I did the shots. He claims ignorance, so he hasn’t exactly helped with them, but it’s nice to have him there. I think I have to go back to doing them by myself starting tonight as he’ll be working late this week, but it was nice to have him around for a few days.

Any other thoughts about how I can help the attitude this month? I need all the help I can get! And thanks so much for all the amazing positive comments about this cycle – I REALLY appreciate the support!


  1. :) No reason why you WON'T get pregnant this month! I hope you can stay positive!

    I stopped temping. I wasn't DOing anything with the information, it was just another correlate of my insanity. Without temping, I can occasionally pretend to be normal.

    I think that one of the benefits of giving yourself over to dr.'s, with their better equipment, is that you don't HAVE to do this crap. To continue to do so is like making the bed in your hotel room.

    I think it makes us feel like we're DOING something, but in reality it doesn't actually help anything. So I guess you just have to decide whether temping, poas-ing, etc., helps your attitude or not. Not for me!

  2. if the temping/charting is going to add to your stress level in any way, i say cut it out. think of it this way, you've been charting but no baby. and likewise, you p'doas last time, so maybe no peeing on sticks and no chartin this time will --> baby? these are the twisted ways in which i think, but whatcha think??

    and the plus side of doing your own shots - i think it hurts less. i let dh do all but 1 shot last time (we were at the airport the 1 time, and short of whipping out a scary needle in public, i had to go to girls room and do it myself) and it hurt less the time i did it. but he gets soooo excited about hurting, err, helping me, that i felt bad and let him do them all.

    optimism is good! meditation, therapy, acupuncture. sounds like you got a good plan going on :o) *hugs*

  3. I'm happy to hear your hubs has been more supportive. As for the temping, I would say forget it during the two-week wait, post-IUI. What's the point except to give yourself more to worry about? And I would definitely test the morning of the beta. I would probably test the day before. But I'm bad that way.

  4. I wish you luck on the quest to not pee. This is the one area where I cannot control myself. I'm like a peeing MACHINE. And we all know how that works out for me. But we're being positive here! So, I love DH hiding the sticks. TH has hid ours. (CBE Digitals are on sale at Target this week, FYI.) ;)

    I say toss the thermometer. It used to make me SO stressed as well. Once I broke the habit, it's like I could never go back. Once you are on meds, the temps don't really tell you much, do they?

    And I think the meditation and acupuncture will be a big help. I think the acupuncture has helped TREMENDOUSLY this cycle. The real test will be the next two weeks...

  5. I say stop temping! I temped for a year and temped during my first IVF cycle and it in the end it drove me nuts plus it gave me false hope that the cycle was working when it was not (because of the progesterone). Anyway, all the girls who supported me told me to throw it out and stop temping! I did with my second one and it helped! It was just one less thing to do or worry over first thing in the morning.
    On the POAS... It helped me lots with the second one to realised when the trigger had gone out of the system. I know it's not for everyone and it can become addictive so see how you feel and go with it I say.
    One advice I can give you is to let your emotions out as much as you can. Don't hold it in, speak to us, or speak to your DH if you can... it really helped me to just be able to talk about what I was feeling. I know it's difficult but every chance you get think positive. Think that this is the one that despite the odds will work.. this is your LUCKY cycle!! Most importantly pray.. I prayed every night that God would send us our baby...I think it helped. I am praying for you Alex that this is the ONE!

  6. I think the positive attitude is a wonderful thing!! Wishing you lots of luck! :)

  7. I've never charted and believe it would add stress to an already stressful situation. One more thing to think/worry about, right?! Glad to hear the shots are going well. When do you go in for monitoring?

  8. So, my best trick is to just recognize that I'm cycle thinking negatively or dwelling. I've also found that shifting focus on something that makes me really happy, say dancing with my husband at our wedding, really shifts my mood in the right direction.

    I am not overly religious, but every morning before I get out of bed, I do say a prayer.

    "I am not in control of anything that will happen today, or tomorrow for that matter. I am laying all these worries and concerns and hopes down right here and going to meet today and do my best to make it a good one. I am responsible for my experience even if I can't shape my future."

    Good luck. It will get better, I can promise you that.