I just found out that my friend R is having a D&C today as her baby doesn’t have a heartbeat. I ran into her at lunch, at the local Chick-fil-A, and she was there with her two kids, age 4 & 5. It took R three years to have her oldest child – multiple IUI’s and two IVF’s later, she was able to have one. And then she was told that her endometriosis was cleared up briefly after giving birth, so if she wanted another child, she should try right away. So when her first was six months old, she found out she was pregnant. After that, they were done, and figured they couldn’t have any more, so didn’t try, but didn’t really prevent either. Then she had an “oops” and she’s about 11 weeks along. They saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks, and everything was fine. They were about to do CVS testing next week to make sure, and then she just went in for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat.
I ran into her today at Chick-fil-A, and I hadn’t talked with her since Friday, and she just briefly told me there was no heartbeat and she was going to the hospital. I almost started crying right there – among all the kids and moms at that darn restaurant! I’ve since sent her a text, and she responded saying her husband is more upset than she is. I remember the night I found out they were pregnant. It was about a week after my ectopic, and one of the first nights I went to the bar again. Her husband A had his 40th birthday, and we were planning on going out with them that night with a bunch of people to celebrate. A showed up to the bar, without R, and I asked why R wasn’t there. He responded by taking out his phone and showing everyone at the table a video of the ultrasound which shows the baby and the heartbeat – he was so excited. That’s how I found out they were pregnant. I had to immediately get up from the table and go to the bathroom so I wouldn't cry in front of everyone! Nobody but Hubs knew how I was feeling as I hid it pretty well, but A told R that he had told me. R felt so bad, as a fellow infertile, she knew how hard it was for me to hear that she was pregnant, especially as A wasn’t exactly that sensitive about it – dumb excited guy! We went to lunch the following week, she apologized for how her husband told me, and I finally admitted to her that it was really hard to hear about it, that I was jealous. But it was ok, because she understood, having gone through the same thing.
And now she’s losing another baby. My heart goes out to her, and her husband. But it also brings up the same feeling of loss – when will this stop hurting?