My hubs and I have done one major trip each year for the past few years. Last year we went to the Bahamas for our wedding, and then had a surprise trip a few months later when Hubs’ work needed him in Oman, so I went with him and we went to Dubai, Oman, and then Paris on the way back. The year before that we went to Sweden to visit the land of Hubs’ ancestors and some extended family. The year before that we went on a whirlwind road trip of Germany, Poland, Hungary, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Austria. Before that, Hubs would do a trip each year with some guy friends, but I’m happy to report that for the last few years he’s gone with me – as it should be! It’s always been our goal to do one big trip every year, but this year, we haven’t really talked about it. We usually start planning a year in advance, but we’ve been trying to get pregnant for the last year. And each month this process continues, it looks like getting pregnant is going to cost more and more, so in my mind, I figured our vacation was probably out the window this year.
And then comes along some friends of ours. They’re going to Europe in September, and brought this up to the Hubs, asking if we want to join them! Of course, he’s in – he wants to go, he starts planning, thinking of what we’ll do, and finally asks me what I think. I look at him, and just say – “what if???” What if I’m pregnant? What if I’m not? What if it’s in the 3rd trimester (now no longer possible…)? What if it’s in the 1st trimester? I finally tell him that I will go if I’m in the 2nd trimester, and if I’m not pregnant, but I don’t know if I really want to go! I told him that we need to make plans that are cancellable – like we’re booking the trip on miles, so that’s easily refundable except for about $100 cash – no big deal. And we’ll have to book all the hotels with real rates – no internet deals – so they are cancellable. Which he’s fine with, I think.
We’re talking about what to do, and where to go – if we go – and Hubs just sent me this email: “I really want you to tell me what you want to do because it will be the last time we do a trip like this if ever.” Oh that’s sad! OK, no pressure, right?
I don’t know what to do – I want to just say to hell with it, and plan the trip, and get excited about it and assume that I won’t be pregnant by then. But what if I’m pregnant??? Oh I can’t live my life like this anymore – this is ridiculous!
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It is so hard to plan anything with TTC. I made a deal with DH that we're going someplace sunny and wonderful if we do 6 iuis and nothing sticks. We'll just book it at the last minute too, because we deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing the right thing making everything non refundable and planning on going. I hope you're in the 2nd trimester by then and safe to go :-)
If the main issue is whether or not you'll be pregnant, I say plan the trip. E and I already have our tickets to Europe this Sept. :)
ReplyDeleteRefundable, of course.
Even if you are only in your 2nd, and you decide you don't feel up to going, I am sure you can talk the OB into writing you a note to get out of plane tickets or whatever.
If saving money for treatments is the issue, I say don't go. Plan a cheap package trip to Mexico or something instead. Because you guys go to Europe practically every year anyways... and it will still be there after your fertility treatments!
My 2 cents!!!
I was just about to post my opinion, but I realized it would echo Leslie's exactly, so I won't repeat. It's really healthy to have things like that to look forward to if you aren't pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI think that is one of the worst things about infertility. Trying to plan around the "what ifs". Good luck with your plans and the TTC.
ReplyDelete~ICLW #31
Plan the vacation! There's nothing more tempting to fate than to stick out a fat foot to trip you when there's something fun coming up. Get refundable tickets and rooms of course. Also, pick up the extra trip/travel insurance when you book. Look through the fine print to see if they exclude pregnancy conditions. Lots of times they just exclude preexisting conditions, so booking now when you aren't pregnant, means if you are pregnant and complicated, you get more of your money back. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI say go on vacation! A really hard thing to do with TTC is living in the moment since we are always looking to the future. The more I try to "deal" with infertility, the more I realize that I can't put stuff off just because of the "what ifs" and that enjoying this moment is really important.
ReplyDeleteI think you'll probably be happy that you decided to go. I'm so jealous that you've been to all those places! :)
Definitely plan the trip!!!!!
ReplyDeleteICLW
http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/
GO!! I've learned over the past 3 1/2 years that you can't put your life on hold. I wanted to get my MS but put it off each year thinking that I would be pregnant and then have a baby/toddler/little one and wouldn't be able to finish. Low and behold, I could have completed it with a whole year left over! Sad, but I've come to learn that you just can't plan one way or another.
ReplyDeleteIf you do get pregnant, it will be your babymoon!
Best of luck!
ICLW
ugh! we're dealing with all the very same thoughts about the last week in May/first week in June when we've planned vacation time. It's so hard! and has induced a lot of gnashing of teeth already. I think we've decided to go - even if it means we have to skip an IVF cycle opportunity that month. I'm trying to work on myself to make sure I won't be tempted to look back in regret while on vacation about missing an opportunity. In the end, though, I think we just need the break and it will be good (and hey, at this point, what's another month? It's been such a long haul so far.) Wishing you peace with whatever decision you guys make!
ReplyDeletePlanning the trip might jinx yourself into pregnancy, but I hear what you mean. Any plans that happen more than a month away I'm hesitant to commit to.
ReplyDeleteI totally feel your pain on this one! DH and I just booked a cruise to the Bahamas a couple of weeks ago. We talked about it for months, but I wouldn't book it because I held out hope that I would NOT be able to go. So, darn the luck...I "get" to go after all. Wish we didn't have to count days all the time!
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW (#141)