Monday, March 29, 2010

Feeling Negative

Thanks to everyone for your nice comments – it’s so nice to get feedback! I was doing better this weekend. We ended up having to go out of town for Hubs’ work, and so we were incredibly busy late last week and this week. I was able to get distracted, a bit, which was nice. We had a long talk about our plans, which was interesting. We both want to do one more IUI with injections, and we’ll start the cycle when my period starts again in April. I’ll continue to do acupuncture, primarily because it makes me feel so good. And if the IUI doesn’t work, we’ll move onto IVF – I think. I’m now going to do some research, figure out the costs for IVF, and I think we’ll plan to do IVF this fall, after our Europe trip.

I knew that if I agreed to go to Europe, Hubs would be less interested in moving aggressively forward on our babymaking plans, and want to hold off until after we get back. It kind of makes me mad – how quickly he can get excited about something else and be willing to postpone the TTC stuff. Meanwhile I continue to obsess, and just want this awful process to be over, and I don’t understand how he can focus on fun things!

Also, just found out this morning that a woman from work, who had her tubes tied after her second child, is now pregnant. Talk about an accident! Apparently they used a clamp on her tubes, which is supposed to be more effective than cutting them, and one of the clamps must have come off!!! She’s pissed that she’s pregnant, and I just stared at her while she was telling me her story, wanting to kill her a little… Not really, but seriously??? Why the fuck is she pregnant – clearly she didn’t want this baby – and I’m not???

So now I’m feeling down today. I’m in limbo – I really was planning on TTC naturally right about now, as I should be ovulating around now, and not only are we not trying anymore this cycle, but my basal temps are completely all over the place, and there isn’t a fertile fluid in sight! Not that I really need to be ovulating right now, but my body is obviously still completely jacked up after the methotrexate last month and I wish it was better. So this will probably hurt my chances of the IUI being successful next month, which then postpones our TTC process until after we return from Europe – probably November!!! Wow – I can’t believe this is where we are now. It seems like we just started the fertility treatment process at the beginning of the year, we only had one chance which failed through an ectopic, and now I’m talking November! I know there’s one more stop to take – an IUI in April, but I don’t have good feelings about that working. Just not feeling positive about this at all right now…


  1. Yeah, it really sucks. I am kind of glad that I didn't know how long it would take for my cycles to get back to normal. I think I had my shot in early September, and I just had my first episode of ewcm on March 17 or so. And my first detected LH surge.

    I guess it is good to wait anyways, though, becuase only now am I getting to a point where I would really not worry about neural tube defects following the shot. If I'd gotten pregnant earlier, I would have worried about that. And people like us don't need one more thing to worry about... People who get pregnant accidentally are so lucky!!!!

  2. I definitely understand not being able to focus on the fun things! I hope the Europe trip is wonderful, though!

    So sorry about the TTC delay. And, about the accidentally pregnant woman. That must be SO frustrating. More so than "normal" accidental pregnancy announcements, I'd think!

  3. I'm so sorry you're feeling down! That's so crazy about that woman getting pregnant after having her tubes tied! I guess we really aren't in control at all. My sis-in-law got pregnant accidentally a while back, and that was a huge blow for me. But I've never heard of it with tied tubes.

    Anyway, thanks for your sweet virtual hugs on my blog, and I'll send them right back to you!

  4. I am sorry to hear you are so down sweetie. When you TTC the only thing you can think about is TTC and everything else fits around that so I can imagine how planning a trip to Europe must be more of a chore than fun. About your April IUI.. I had a similar feeling about IVF cycle number 2. We thought it was a doomed cycle and then in the end it was the one that worked!!! So keep feeling like it won't work and you might be happily surprised in the end!!! I hope so anyway!!!

  5. Sorry for the down day yesterday, we all have them. Especially when some ungrateful woman complains about accidentally getting knocked up...UGH!!